I found this hilarious artigo on pcworld.com
Don't know who the author is, but he's funny.
1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.
2. It's Caps Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.
3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but lost them in the process?? also the drive is making noises"
Oh, that's normal. Your system is just waiting for you to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
4. Mousin' Around
"My rato stop working every time i lift it up from the mesa, tabela why is this? this is not just OS .i have linux and vista both same thing so its not drivers"
Yeah, no big deal there, either: Insert your credit card into the CD-ROM drive and tell your computer--slowly and distinctly--that you need the Air rato 3000 upgrade. You'll be good in no time.
5. Technical Difficulties
"I've been asked to write an application in my own handwriting....? is there a computer programme that will do this for me? they also want original ideas. do you know any?"
This reminds me of a letter to the editor I once read years ago: "Are there any undiscovered islands left in the world?" The response: "Not that we know of."
6. It's All in the Details
"I have an assignment about computer.. What is unimportant details about computer?"
Wait a minute--does this assignment also require original ideas?
7. Unknown Nuptials
"Am i married in any state? have i been divorced?"
I'll take "questions asked after a night in Vegas" for $500, Alex.
8. A Sticky Subject
"Where can i buy a really big jar of amendoim butter?"
If this is from the same guy who asked the anterior question, I'm getting concerned.
9. Fruit Frets
"I have ate two whole tangerines in about two hours what will happen to me?"
That all depends on whether you swallowed any seeds. If you did, be very careful not to eat any dirt or drink any water for the seguinte two weeks.
10. Fat Chance
"How do i become obese fast? I want to look good por the end of the year."
You can start por eating two tangerines in two hours. Then run around in circles until you figure out what "obese" means.
11. Cantaloupe Hunting
"I thought cantelope was an animal!? i always thought that a cantaloupe was that animal that has the horns and they live in Arizona and stuff, but i was shopping for groceries yesterday and i saw they had cantaloupe meat on sale. so i was like yeah sure i'll try it, but what i saw, wasn't a cantaloupe. it was some white and green frutas thing! whats up with this?"
The store is guilty of mislabeling. The term it was looking for is "jackalope"--which is a cruz between a jackfruit and a manila envelope.
12. Hey, Babby
"How is babby formed????? how girl get pragnent?"
On the one hand, I kind of hope you never figure it out. On the other, maybe your parents don't know either--and it obviously didn't stop them.
13. An Academic Inquiry
"Why are there school? is a point to it?"
There are school so you can learn how is babby formed, silly.
14. Canine Law
"Is it illegal to name a dog after a movie?"
Only if that movie is Air Bud 2. As a practical matter, though, you might want to avoid calling out to your pooch on a crowded bus if you decide to name it "Bang Bang You're Dead" or "I'm Going to Explode."
15. Lost in Space
"What is the best place to ask perguntas online? i mean, or there any QA forums like on yahoo or anything?"
Hmm...a forum-like place to ask perguntas on Yahoo. Nope, haven't heard of anything like that. But if you find something, be sure to let us know.
16. Mathematical Matters
"Is there any possible way of making 2+2=5?"
The easiest way is to flip the positions of 4 and 5 on the number line. Another method is to use LSD (Least Sequential Denominators).
17. Sandwich Sensations
"Is it possible to feel like a sandwich?"
Sure. It's called LSD (Lettuce, Succotash, and Dill-pickle). It feels, like, weird...
18. About Those Drugs...
"How do you ask a pergunta on yahoo answers?"
Hey, don't ask me. I'm still trying to find out if there's a forum-like place to pose perguntas there. Anyone? Anyone?
19. Spelling 101
"How do you spell government?"
Most of the time.
20. Turtle Trouble
"I was bitten por a tartaruga when i was a young lad, can i still drink laranja juice?"
This is why old lads should be barred from Yahoo Answers. Seriously--where do they come up with this stuff?
Don't know who the author is, but he's funny.
1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.
2. It's Caps Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.
3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but lost them in the process?? also the drive is making noises"
Oh, that's normal. Your system is just waiting for you to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
4. Mousin' Around
"My rato stop working every time i lift it up from the mesa, tabela why is this? this is not just OS .i have linux and vista both same thing so its not drivers"
Yeah, no big deal there, either: Insert your credit card into the CD-ROM drive and tell your computer--slowly and distinctly--that you need the Air rato 3000 upgrade. You'll be good in no time.
5. Technical Difficulties
"I've been asked to write an application in my own handwriting....? is there a computer programme that will do this for me? they also want original ideas. do you know any?"
This reminds me of a letter to the editor I once read years ago: "Are there any undiscovered islands left in the world?" The response: "Not that we know of."
6. It's All in the Details
"I have an assignment about computer.. What is unimportant details about computer?"
Wait a minute--does this assignment also require original ideas?
7. Unknown Nuptials
"Am i married in any state? have i been divorced?"
I'll take "questions asked after a night in Vegas" for $500, Alex.
8. A Sticky Subject
"Where can i buy a really big jar of amendoim butter?"
If this is from the same guy who asked the anterior question, I'm getting concerned.
9. Fruit Frets
"I have ate two whole tangerines in about two hours what will happen to me?"
That all depends on whether you swallowed any seeds. If you did, be very careful not to eat any dirt or drink any water for the seguinte two weeks.
10. Fat Chance
"How do i become obese fast? I want to look good por the end of the year."
You can start por eating two tangerines in two hours. Then run around in circles until you figure out what "obese" means.
11. Cantaloupe Hunting
"I thought cantelope was an animal!? i always thought that a cantaloupe was that animal that has the horns and they live in Arizona and stuff, but i was shopping for groceries yesterday and i saw they had cantaloupe meat on sale. so i was like yeah sure i'll try it, but what i saw, wasn't a cantaloupe. it was some white and green frutas thing! whats up with this?"
The store is guilty of mislabeling. The term it was looking for is "jackalope"--which is a cruz between a jackfruit and a manila envelope.
12. Hey, Babby
"How is babby formed????? how girl get pragnent?"
On the one hand, I kind of hope you never figure it out. On the other, maybe your parents don't know either--and it obviously didn't stop them.
13. An Academic Inquiry
"Why are there school? is a point to it?"
There are school so you can learn how is babby formed, silly.
14. Canine Law
"Is it illegal to name a dog after a movie?"
Only if that movie is Air Bud 2. As a practical matter, though, you might want to avoid calling out to your pooch on a crowded bus if you decide to name it "Bang Bang You're Dead" or "I'm Going to Explode."
15. Lost in Space
"What is the best place to ask perguntas online? i mean, or there any QA forums like on yahoo or anything?"
Hmm...a forum-like place to ask perguntas on Yahoo. Nope, haven't heard of anything like that. But if you find something, be sure to let us know.
16. Mathematical Matters
"Is there any possible way of making 2+2=5?"
The easiest way is to flip the positions of 4 and 5 on the number line. Another method is to use LSD (Least Sequential Denominators).
17. Sandwich Sensations
"Is it possible to feel like a sandwich?"
Sure. It's called LSD (Lettuce, Succotash, and Dill-pickle). It feels, like, weird...
18. About Those Drugs...
"How do you ask a pergunta on yahoo answers?"
Hey, don't ask me. I'm still trying to find out if there's a forum-like place to pose perguntas there. Anyone? Anyone?
19. Spelling 101
"How do you spell government?"
Most of the time.
20. Turtle Trouble
"I was bitten por a tartaruga when i was a young lad, can i still drink laranja juice?"
This is why old lads should be barred from Yahoo Answers. Seriously--where do they come up with this stuff?
1. You're beautiful.- girls think when you say 'hot' your looking at our body, not our personality.
2. You look perfect.- gurls like it when men think we're perfect.
3. I wish I could see u everyday.-it makes us gurls think we're loved and you never get tired of being with us.
4. I amor you and only you.-Well, you guys get the picture.
5. I will be with you forever.
6. You have no flaws.
7. You'll always be in my picture, even if ur not there.
8. You shine brighter than the sun.
9. There is no reason for you to be ashamed of your body, you're very pretty.
2. You look perfect.- gurls like it when men think we're perfect.
3. I wish I could see u everyday.-it makes us gurls think we're loved and you never get tired of being with us.
4. I amor you and only you.-Well, you guys get the picture.
5. I will be with you forever.
6. You have no flaws.
7. You'll always be in my picture, even if ur not there.
8. You shine brighter than the sun.
9. There is no reason for you to be ashamed of your body, you're very pretty.
7 Things to do when you want to get kicked out of the DMV. por Misery.
Pretend to be looking at a magazine, and start poking the guy seguinte to you.
Tap your foot to the tune of 'Gramma Got Ran Over por a Reindeer.'
Burst out into song. Sing 'Umbrella' until one of the people seguinte to you look at you funny. Get up,take their hands, and start spinning the person around the waiting room.
Start saying your number softly for 6 times, then louder for 5 times, and then yell it out 9 times into the person on your right's ear.
Start speaking your own tounge. Make up a language and find an old lady. Sit down seguinte to her, and start speaking your made up languge using frightening gestures.
Start quoting your favorito show the security guard.
Take out your iPod, and start belting out the first song that plays. Jump onto the table, and do a big show number. When the last word plays, do jazz hands and RUN out of the DMV.
Pretend to be looking at a magazine, and start poking the guy seguinte to you.
Tap your foot to the tune of 'Gramma Got Ran Over por a Reindeer.'
Burst out into song. Sing 'Umbrella' until one of the people seguinte to you look at you funny. Get up,take their hands, and start spinning the person around the waiting room.
Start saying your number softly for 6 times, then louder for 5 times, and then yell it out 9 times into the person on your right's ear.
Start speaking your own tounge. Make up a language and find an old lady. Sit down seguinte to her, and start speaking your made up languge using frightening gestures.
Start quoting your favorito show the security guard.
Take out your iPod, and start belting out the first song that plays. Jump onto the table, and do a big show number. When the last word plays, do jazz hands and RUN out of the DMV.
