aleatório Club
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posted by LocalArtistist
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
You're like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
I'm no weather man, but you can expect mais than a few inches tonight.
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
oi babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? [No] What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore - my face should be among them.
oi baby, I think you just made my two por four into a four por eight.
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
What's the speed of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and my seguinte mission is to explore Uranus.
If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
oi baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Do you take Visa?
How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?
You smell... We should go take a chuveiro together.
Would you like a hotdog to go with those buns?
Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poesia in motion?
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an hora fast!
I like your hair, your eyes, your smile... I like every bone in your body... Especially mine!
Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down.
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost?
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Hi, I'm gay. Do you think you can convert me?
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add mais lubricants.
[Walk into her chest] "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened!"
What are you doing tonight? Besides me, of course?
Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the 'd' cause you'll get that later!
My name is Skittles... wanna taste my rainbow?
Are those pants on sale? Cause they're 100% off at my place!
I'm with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.
I only have 12 hours to live... please don't let me die a virgin.
I'm bigger and better than the Titantic - only 200 women went down on that vessel!
What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren and conquer the earth!
added by jessicamc26
added by pumpkinqueen
video
aleatório
countries
WatchMojo
Lady sits down on a train. Man sitting seguinte to her turns to her and says, “Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. That baby looks in a mirror, it’s going to shatter. You oughta put a bag on that baby’s head. That baby is just ugly.”

The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. “Conductor, this man has insulted me.”

“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the conductor replies. “What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We’ll give you a nice assento in the first-class carriage — and a banana...
continue reading...
(I'm not going to lie, although I did have this series planned ages ago, fanpop user QueenOfThePika inspired me to finally start it, so kudos to you! ^___^)

(Also, WARNING: SWEARING OUT THE WAZOO! VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.)

Alright guys, you've heard me complain about terrible things in the past. Whether it be terrible fan-fictions, god-awful fan-bases, or even some of the worst video games ever made, those at least all had one thing in common.

THEY WEREN'T OUTRAGEOUSLY POPULAR.

Seriously, this song is EVERYWHERE, and it's downright insulting! And it's not just this song either, there's TONS...
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1: watch an animê series you think will be cool

2:gymnastics XD idk why but I do flips a l a lot so yeah

3: torcher some one ex: brother sister cousin friend ect.

4:run around for no absolute reason

5:do Insanity, p90X, ZUMBA so on

6: read a book

7:go to the store and freak people out until you get kicked out

8: be completely aleatório to the people around you.

9:listen to artists you hate a lot and make fun of them

10: be a Watch All Of Jeresy costa for no complete reason
posted by mercedes_xoxoxo
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)

2. After everything your teacher says, ask why.

3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?????” very loudly.

4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that simply reply “Wow, I can tell you’re a blast at parties”

5. Dress up like l (Death Note) and walk in with no shoes.

6. If your teacher asks “why aren’t...
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posted by Mallory101
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with cerveja and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her Twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. mover your roommate's personal effects around. Start subtly. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually...
continue reading...
added by BlindBandit92
added by SymmaGirl2
added by BlindBandit92
added by Rodz
Source: wallcoo.net
added by Rodz
Source: wallcoo.net
added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
added by bubblegum_kiss
Source: not mine
added by adultswimperson
Source: google
added by edwardrobertcul
added by Moosick
added by BellaMetallica