brian head welch-I am segundo

A single drop of sweat from Chuck Norris was found to quench the thirst of an entire african village for 23 straight days. Subsequently, an olympic athlete from that village was disqualified from his event for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs.

Chuck Norris can read lady Gaga's poker face.

Chuck Norris says the alphabet faster backwards then you can say it fowards.

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he doesn't dream he lives it.

In an alternate universe, Chuck Norris is just a myth. However, he pwns people there anyways.

When Chuck Norris drinks beer, the cerveja gets drunk.

Ninjas want...

I found this on the internet.

1.    Smile
2.    Laugh
3.    Run your fingers through your hair
4.    Touch them gently on the arm/shoulder
5.    Give them a hug
6.    Tease them
7.    Complement their clothes
8.    Say, "It seems like forever since I last saw you"
9.    Whisper
10.    Offer them a blanket or casaco if it's cold
11.    Offer to buy them a drink
12.    Lean...

In a pub teste the other dia I lost por one point. The pergunta was, "where do women mostly have curly hair?" Apparently, it's Africa.


One of the other perguntas was to name two things commonly found in cells.
It appears that Nigerians and Jamaicans is not the correct answer.


I've heard that maçã, apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod, after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.


There's a new Muslim clothing comprar that opened in Toronto but I've been banned from it, after asking to look at some bombardeiro jackets.


You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles,...

Ghetto Names

Mostly popular with the poorer sections of the communities in the United States, ghetto names are becoming mais common.
These are some ghetto names sent to us por our readers:

Aalissah , Aarionda , AbbyYoYo , Abcd , Abrianna , Adaizala , Aereana , Ajavalon , Akeebu , Akwante , Alamarion , Alashawndre , Alashema , Alezeisha , Aliciandra , Alveonta , Amabufu , Amanisha , Ambrisha , Amereazanisha , Amiracle , Amonteosha , Ananchalant , Anfernee , Angenique , Annestonisha , Antonyishia , Antwanae , Antwanique , Antwonisha , Anukware , Aquamaquisha , Aquanasia , Aquanetta , Aquaniqua ,...

Found this on Google. Hope it makes ya laugh.

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off in 10-minute intervals

2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares,…”and see what happens.

3. Go to the Service escrivaninha, mesa and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

4. Find one of the workers who is making a pyramid or a display of something and as soon as they are finished with it, ask for the thing that’s on the bottom and have a panic attack until they give it to you.

5. Get on the loud speaker and declare a “Going Out of Business Sale, All Items 99% Off”

6....

France
Honhonhon! Bonjour English man! Grow a real dick and don't fuck with Peter Pan! I'm Francis Bonnefoy and everyone loves me! You call me a wanker, cause mine is the biggest! Fuck off with your kid brother, cause USUK surely hits it!

Britain
SHUT UP! YOU DAMN FROG FACE! The fact that your on the same continent is a disgrace! All you are is a bloody wanker, my rhymes hit hard, like Captain Hook's anchor! Your just a bloody whore, I can't stand your face no more, your such a prick! Even Sealand has mais dick! I have an army of Red Coats! You have shitty little boats! Waiting till the last minute?...

Mom:Okay kids!(4 kids)get in here!I got news!
Kennedy:What is it?
Mom:Me and your dad are going on a date
*grasshopper sound*
Mom:so you guy will need a babysitter!


*10 minutos later the baby sitter came*
Mom:Hello!I'm Amy!
Babysitter:I'm Ashley!
Mom:DARELL!Get your butt in here!
*Mom and Dad leave*
Ashley:Hi kids!I'm your babysitter Ashley!
kids:HI!
Kid:I'm Amber!I'm four!
Ashley:Hi Amber!*ruffles hair*cute!
Amber:Never...touch...ME!!!
Ashley:OH kay!
Kid:I'm Zack!I'm 9
Ashley:Hello!


*59 minutos later*
Amber:I wuv chá parties!!
Ashley*Walks in*Hey Amber what are you doing?
Amber:Having a chá party!
Ashley:Can I...

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a ano plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:...

This pato walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the pato leaves.

The seguinte day, the pato returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the pato leaves.

The dia after that, the pato walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"

The duck...

1. Every dia at school is the same
2. You never know if your braids look digusting or not
3. You are so used to never talking that if somebody says something to you, never know how to react
4. You would like to think that people notice or even think about you but you are really just the big ugly quiet black girl nobody knows or cares about
5. You worry people will write nasty comments on your fanpop artigo that is obvioustly meant to vent your feeling out
6. On the weekend all you do is watch tv and sleep and play with your cat
7. When you only really have like 3 friends at school and 2 of them...

The show SpongeBob linked to attention problems and learning


The show SpongeBob SquarePants is pointed por a study which indicates that the viewing for only nine minutos of the show may cause short-term attention problems and learning in children four years.

Such problems have been observed in a study of 60 randomly selected children to watch SpongeBob or Caillou, in which imagens change mais slowly, or to draw in nine minutes.

Immediately after this activity, children were tested for mental function. And those who watched SpongeBob scored lower than others.

Previous studies had already established...

previously on the Evil Teddy Bear: Jenni Peter and Tina were thinking of a way to find out who was trying to wreck their house then all of a sudden there was a noise and it was coming from Tina's room. Tina got mad cause she doesnt let ANYONE besides Peter and Jenni and herself in her room. she was about to stomp over to her room but Jenni stepped in front of her and tried to calm Tina down Peter helped out with trying to calm Tina down as well. Tina sighed calming down after that they all went to Tina's room when they opened the door they were all shocked Tina's cd's were all broken her paintings...