• You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.
• You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
• The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
• There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
• There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
• The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
• If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, he WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
• You should not confuse your career with your life.
• A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
• When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
• Your friends amor you, anyway.
• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
• You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
• The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
• There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
• There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
• The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
• If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, he WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
• You should not confuse your career with your life.
• A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
• When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
• Your friends amor you, anyway.
• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
1.Grimace painfully,while smacking your forhead and say"Shut up all of you,just shut up!"
2.Crack open your pasta, maleta or purse,and while peering inside,ask"got enough air in there little guy?"
3.Meow occasionally.
4.Stare at another passenger for a while,then announce in horror,"You're one of THEM!!" then back away slowly and scream until they get out of the elevator.
5.Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
6.Make explosion noises whenever someone preses a button.
7.Drop a pen,then wait until someone picks it up and scream"THATS MINE.
8.Bring your camera and take pictures of everyone on the elevator.
9.When the doors close,say to the person seguinte to you"Its OK.They open up again"then give them reassuring hug.
10.Swat at flies that don't exist.
2.Crack open your pasta, maleta or purse,and while peering inside,ask"got enough air in there little guy?"
3.Meow occasionally.
4.Stare at another passenger for a while,then announce in horror,"You're one of THEM!!" then back away slowly and scream until they get out of the elevator.
5.Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
6.Make explosion noises whenever someone preses a button.
7.Drop a pen,then wait until someone picks it up and scream"THATS MINE.
8.Bring your camera and take pictures of everyone on the elevator.
9.When the doors close,say to the person seguinte to you"Its OK.They open up again"then give them reassuring hug.
10.Swat at flies that don't exist.
