Lady sits down on a train. Man sitting seguinte to her turns to her and says, “Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. That baby looks in a mirror, it’s going to shatter. You oughta put a bag on that baby’s head. That baby is just ugly.”
The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. “Conductor, this man has insulted me.”
“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the conductor replies. “What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We’ll give you a nice assento in the first-class carriage — and a banana for your monkey.”
Guy in a biblioteca walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a x-burger, cheeseburguer and fries, please.”
Librarian responds, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”
Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a x-burger, cheeseburguer and fries, please.”
A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting — don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After jantar the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping.
They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody roubou our tent.”
During a cold winter dia a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”.
Husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now”.!
Patient: Doctor, please can you help me out?
Doctor: Yes, you may make your way out the same way you come in.
Teacher: John, tell me your encontro, data of birth?
John: July 13th
Teacher: on which year?
John: it is in every year, Ma’am!
What is the difference between a teacher and train?
A teacher always says “spit your gum”, while the train says “chew chew chew…”!
What will be a Math teacher’s favorito dish?
Pi!
Sam called helpdesk to solve his computer issue.
Helpdesk: “Sir click on “my computer” ícone to the left of computer screen”
Sam: “my left or your left?”!
AND ONE mais FOR APPRECIATING MY anterior ARTICLE
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped por the Mercedes dealership and saw the new2006 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$68,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one mais thing….The house we wanted last ano is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I amor you!”
MAN: “Bye, I amor you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Does anyone know whose phone this is?
WILL TRY TO POST mais LATER!
The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. “Conductor, this man has insulted me.”
“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the conductor replies. “What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We’ll give you a nice assento in the first-class carriage — and a banana for your monkey.”
Guy in a biblioteca walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a x-burger, cheeseburguer and fries, please.”
Librarian responds, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”
Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a x-burger, cheeseburguer and fries, please.”
A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting — don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After jantar the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping.
They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody roubou our tent.”
During a cold winter dia a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”.
Husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now”.!
Patient: Doctor, please can you help me out?
Doctor: Yes, you may make your way out the same way you come in.
Teacher: John, tell me your encontro, data of birth?
John: July 13th
Teacher: on which year?
John: it is in every year, Ma’am!
What is the difference between a teacher and train?
A teacher always says “spit your gum”, while the train says “chew chew chew…”!
What will be a Math teacher’s favorito dish?
Pi!
Sam called helpdesk to solve his computer issue.
Helpdesk: “Sir click on “my computer” ícone to the left of computer screen”
Sam: “my left or your left?”!
AND ONE mais FOR APPRECIATING MY anterior ARTICLE
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped por the Mercedes dealership and saw the new2006 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$68,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one mais thing….The house we wanted last ano is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I amor you!”
MAN: “Bye, I amor you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Does anyone know whose phone this is?
WILL TRY TO POST mais LATER!
Hi everyone this is the Invader Calliope show!
Time to talk about stuff!
Ok here are two perfect things that i love! Invader Zim and Anime!!
Ok i'm on team and l then Mellow then Near!
I do amor Misa though!
I amor arroz balls!
Oh my fave number is 37!
I'm using my laptop!
I amor my cat!
I am feeling happy today!
I enjoy sweets!
I don't eat to much sweets i do eat my vegetables!
I amor the colors: lima, limão Green,Dark Purple,Cyber Blue,and Black!
I amor the Invader Zim sound track and the amazing singer gir!
Time to talk about stuff!
Ok here are two perfect things that i love! Invader Zim and Anime!!
Ok i'm on team and l then Mellow then Near!
I do amor Misa though!
I amor arroz balls!
Oh my fave number is 37!
I'm using my laptop!
I amor my cat!
I am feeling happy today!
I enjoy sweets!
I don't eat to much sweets i do eat my vegetables!
I amor the colors: lima, limão Green,Dark Purple,Cyber Blue,and Black!
I amor the Invader Zim sound track and the amazing singer gir!
Miss Carey: Here are your costumes for the play children. Come and see!
Ed: Is it my costume?
Miss Carey: Yes, it is.
Mady: Is this my dress? It's pretty.
Nicki: Here's my own cisne costume. Look at my laranja beak.
Miss Carey: You're the ugly duckling, Allex. Here you are.
Allex: Thank you, Miss Carey.
Nicki: Let's put on our costumes!
Mady: Oh no! Look at my dress! It's much too lond.
Ed: My hat is too small. I look tidiculous.
Allex: I look mais ridiculous than you. Look at my feet!
Miss Carey: Oh dear! Theey're much too big!
Nicki: And I haven't got any wings!
Ed: This play is a disaster!
Mady: First we've got thousands of scripts.
Allex: And now our costumes don't fit.
Nicki: What's next?
Ed: Is it my costume?
Miss Carey: Yes, it is.
Mady: Is this my dress? It's pretty.
Nicki: Here's my own cisne costume. Look at my laranja beak.
Miss Carey: You're the ugly duckling, Allex. Here you are.
Allex: Thank you, Miss Carey.
Nicki: Let's put on our costumes!
Mady: Oh no! Look at my dress! It's much too lond.
Ed: My hat is too small. I look tidiculous.
Allex: I look mais ridiculous than you. Look at my feet!
Miss Carey: Oh dear! Theey're much too big!
Nicki: And I haven't got any wings!
Ed: This play is a disaster!
Mady: First we've got thousands of scripts.
Allex: And now our costumes don't fit.
Nicki: What's next?
The key is in how the relationship has ended. It's important that there is no anger and no one has cheated. If this is true for you then it is mais than possible that with a little time you two can go back to being friends.
friends and just friends. You must be clear about what you want. Sometimes when we pretend to want to be friends with our ex, we are really looking to get back together. Sometimes this is what you want and it works, but if it goes wrong then things will be even worse.
Give him space. If after some time apart you still want to continue to spend time together without wanting to be a couple, then you are ready to be friends again!
-source: justjared T.V show<>
Hey everyone!!This is the story of the time I was at Wal-Mart with some friends and the fogo alarm went off but nobody cared and a baby died!
So anyway me and my friend Gyrrrrrrlllllllll were at Wal-Mart stealing stuff when the fogo alarm went off.It was so funny cause nobody knew what to do.We were all just standing there not moving.It would have been mais funny to you if you *had've been there.
*I don't even think this is a word!
The End.
Nevermind.Fanpop said this artigo is too short.Now what?That's all I had to say.Maybe if I say KITTENS!!!That will work.
So anyway me and my friend Gyrrrrrrlllllllll were at Wal-Mart stealing stuff when the fogo alarm went off.It was so funny cause nobody knew what to do.We were all just standing there not moving.It would have been mais funny to you if you *had've been there.
*I don't even think this is a word!
The End.
Nevermind.Fanpop said this artigo is too short.Now what?That's all I had to say.Maybe if I say KITTENS!!!That will work.
She's been married for a couple months now, but still can’t get used to calling him her husband.
“I forget to call him ‘my husband’ sometimes and still say ‘my boyfriend’. But I’ll get there,” she said.
This can happen to anyone we suppose, it takes a while to get used to the idea of being a wife.
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Yesterday, Demi Lovato talked about the nominees for the American música Awards coming up on the 21st of November.
It will be really exciting, because in the category for Best Female Popstar we have Ke$ha, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry!
In the category for Best Male Artist we have to choose between Justin Bieber, his friend usher and Eminem. Who will win?
And as far as Artist of the Year, it is between Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, ke$ha and Eminem. An interesting mix and tough competition.
You can vote for your favoritos on the event webpage here: American música Awards.
It will be really exciting, because in the category for Best Female Popstar we have Ke$ha, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry!
In the category for Best Male Artist we have to choose between Justin Bieber, his friend usher and Eminem. Who will win?
And as far as Artist of the Year, it is between Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, ke$ha and Eminem. An interesting mix and tough competition.
You can vote for your favoritos on the event webpage here: American música Awards.
5 mais incredibly aleatório stuff...I'd like to note that not everything listed is exactly possible, but each is genuinely unique and aleatório in it's own way....
5) wear a nametag that reads "hello. My name is jesus Christ" (or famous person) when some one says "you're not Jesus" turn around and say "Jesus? Where?"
4) befriend a zombie (don't try unless you're okay with being bitten)
3) give out autographs to complete strangers and pretend you're famous
2) divide por zero (it's a little harder than it looks)
1) walk up behind someone and whisper in their ear "I like mudkips...."
Lots of laughs...I recommend 3, 2 and 1
5) wear a nametag that reads "hello. My name is jesus Christ" (or famous person) when some one says "you're not Jesus" turn around and say "Jesus? Where?"
4) befriend a zombie (don't try unless you're okay with being bitten)
3) give out autographs to complete strangers and pretend you're famous
2) divide por zero (it's a little harder than it looks)
1) walk up behind someone and whisper in their ear "I like mudkips...."
Lots of laughs...I recommend 3, 2 and 1
Ever met that one person who really really aggervates you , like constantly talking or doing everything you do , well im gonna help you deal with them without punching them in the face (kris style <3)
1) always carry a stress ball , those things do work , and if not , you can always throw it at him/her
2) Carry a travesseiro in you purse/bag , so if you need to scream , scream in the travesseiro , this pervents people from thinking your crazy
3) Earphones , you COULD use them to block that person out , but studies show that if that person happens to andorinha one of the earphones , they wont talk anymore ,
4)Just a hint ; throwing chairs never helps ,
5)Try to be their friend , mabey that'll work
6) if its your sibbling ,
Girl:flush her fav barbie doll
Boy:Flush his favorate comic book
mixed gender: Flush their face (:
Again; Kris style <3
any ideas on any other topis to make kris style , please tell me (: <3
KrisLovesYou !
1) always carry a stress ball , those things do work , and if not , you can always throw it at him/her
2) Carry a travesseiro in you purse/bag , so if you need to scream , scream in the travesseiro , this pervents people from thinking your crazy
3) Earphones , you COULD use them to block that person out , but studies show that if that person happens to andorinha one of the earphones , they wont talk anymore ,
4)Just a hint ; throwing chairs never helps ,
5)Try to be their friend , mabey that'll work
6) if its your sibbling ,
Girl:flush her fav barbie doll
Boy:Flush his favorate comic book
mixed gender: Flush their face (:
Again; Kris style <3
any ideas on any other topis to make kris style , please tell me (: <3
KrisLovesYou !