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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
A lighter? We’re going to need a flame-thrower to light up your candles.
Actually, I wanted to get you something super great, super terrific, unique and beautiful for your birthday, but I don’t fit into the envelope.
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life said Kitty Collins. Be glad you’re doing it gracefully.
An old fart is as good as a new one….



(written in real small text). You’re not old until you can’t read this composição literária any more.
You’re older. You’re wiser. You’re sophisticated. You’re far too mature to be concerned with material things like presents.
Celebration time: Happy birthday, you old bag!
Come on, don’t be like this. You have survived this year. Although you’re older, trust me it’s better than the alternative.
Congratulations on your birthday! Remember: Today, no sex! Because you need all your energy to blow out the candles!
Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.
It’s your birthday, and I must say, you certainly take the cake! And the ice cream. And all the rest of the snacks. Slow down and save some for the rest of us!
Don’t feel uncomfortable about your age. We will all one dia get as old as you are.
Don’t forget to wear your birthday suit….but check it for wrinkles first!
Don’t forget to wear your sunglasses when the cake is served. Happy birthday.
Don’t think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.
Enjoy your birthday cake today since tomorrow we’ll return to judging you based on every single morsel you ingest.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it, forget about the future, you can’t predict it, forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!
Forget your past, it’s already done. Forget your present, too; because I forgot.
friends may come and go, but birthdays just accumulate.
George Carlin said that. Don’t ask me what it means. You wanted something unique for your birthday, you got it.
Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday on your very special day, I hope that you don’t die before you eat your cake. You’re another ano older and another ano wiser. So put your brain to work and figure out there isn’t no gift for you.
Most Popular Birthday Wishes
Happy birthday to a man who is really younger than he looks.
Happy birthday to a person who is smart, good looking, and funny and reminds me a lot of myself.
Happy birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You look like a monkey. And you smell like one too
Happy Birthday! It’s about time you start atuação like your real age.
Happy birthday to you videos
Happy Birthday! The inevitable came a ano closer.
Happy Birthday! You look fine for a person who is por one ano closer to death.
Happy Birthday! You’re one ano closer to your death day.
Happy Birthday, but what’s your secret; a time machine or something.
Happy Birthday, you’re not getting older you’re just a little closer to death.
Happy Birthday. I promise I won’t tell how old you really are!
Birthday Greeting Cards
Have fun as much as you can, but not too much, because you are in a vulnerable age.
Have you ever try to get yourself in a fridge and see what happens? It’s ok you can light up all your candles now? we all have a glass of water in our hands.
Hmm … I do not know why, but I had a strong urge to send you a text message! But why? I know! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Hoping that you can find all the strength and courage needed… to blow all of the candles out.
Hoping you dance the night away or at least watch other people dance late into the night, or at least stay awake…
I didn’t forget your birthday. I just forgot today’s date!
I figured out, what’s the most difficult thing to do. I think it’s the counting of your wrinkles. It’s impossible to find one.
I think we’re going to need a bigger cake to fit all your candles.



I wanted to give you something unique, grand and loving on your birthday! But I just did not fit on the screen!
I was trying to think of what to get you for your birthday but nothing came to mind.
I wish you all the best, for another 100 years here on earth!
I’m at an age when my back goes out mais than I do.
200 Birthday Wishes
I’m just here for the cake.
I’m not going to make any age related jokes, because in fact I feel a little pity about how old you are.
If someone comes up with the idea to call you old: then hit him with your stick and throw him your teeth! Happy Birthday!
If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.
I’ll always think of you as someone older than me. Happy Birthday.
You must have one of the best plastic surgeons. There is no other explanation.
Creative Ways to Say Happy Birthday
You recognize the fact that you’re getting older when the candles cost mais than the birthday cake.
You think you are old? You’re not old… you were old last year, this ano you’re ancient.
You think you’re something special because it’s your birthday today? You’re something special every day!
You would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you.
You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar.. Yung No Mo
You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!
You’re so old when you look at your birth certificate it said expired
You’re a hard person to comprar for, so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday.
You’re not forty; you’re eighteen with twenty two years of experience.
You’re not getting older. You’re just a little closer to dying! Happy anniversary of your umbilical cord separation.
Most of these phrases were once funny and not at all annoying. Then newfags just have to come along and start using and abusing them.

And some were already shitty and annoying to begin with.

Once great phrases turned annoying

Cool story bro

cadela, puta please

Y U NO

U mad?

Trolololololo

True story

20% Cooler

Phrases that were already annoying to begin with

YOLO

Pie

X people are Y (youtube)

First

X people missed the like button(youtube again)

le
1.Stand seguinte to a bathroom, stroking a soap bottle while saying: "It's okay my darling, we will get out soon".

2.Sniff every type of cheese in the aisle.

3.When somebody walks por you, stare at them with
BIG eyes.

4.Squirt every type of perfume you can find.

5.When in the bathroom,scream as loud as you can.

6.Tickle yourself in front of the toilet scrubbers.

7.Hop like a frog around the store.

8.Get a glowing pen and act like you are scanning the leite and say:"We shall see".

9.Act like a detective, trying to find the missing Whipped Cream Monster.

10.Put on a saia and do yoga in the middle of the store....
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posted by lanydoodle
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)

2. After everything your teacher says, ask why.

3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?????” very loudly.

4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that simply reply “Wow, I can tell you’re a blast at parties”

5. Dress up like l (Death Note) and walk in with no shoes.

6. If your teacher asks “why aren’t...
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posted by Juilet1234
Mittens.
They warm your hands, protect you from the cold. They're not a bad thing.
But imagine if for your whole life you wore heavy mittens. If you dial a phone, try to use a remote control, or try to play a board game, you're still wearing mittens. Practically everything is much mais difficult.
Right there.
Practically everything is much mais difficult.
Remember that.
Now imagine this.
You're in a room with the TV on full volume. The radio is blaring loud, screeching music. The lights are flickering on and off. Everything you see is magnified, is a much bigger deal than it normally would...
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posted by xxXsk8trXxx
1. Don't care about her feelings.
2. Don't allow her to go out without your permission.
3. Your friends, the game, and your video games are mais important than her.
4. She needs to get you comida while you sit and do whatever you want.
5. Call her a "whore" and a "bitch".
6. Beat her when she's not obeying you.
7. Never reply to her texts. Remember, you're "busy".
8. beijoca, smack her bunda and grab her boobs.
9. Never tell her that you amor her.
10. She pays for dinner, not you.
11. Force her to have sex with you.
12. She's pregnant? Break up with her. mover somewhere far, far away.
13. Never use a condom, even if...
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posted by Caligirl2011
So open up your iTunes or música player and put it on shuffle! Let it play and for everysong.. It makes a life story!!

1. Waking up song..........
2. Going to school song.......
3. Seeing a boy/girl you like song......
4. Enemy song.......
5. dia song.........
6. Going to sleep song...
7. Friend song.......
8. Fight song.....
9. Hook up song.......
10. amor song.....
11. Break up song.......
12. Make up song......
13. Wedding song...
14. Honeymoonsong.....
15. Baby song......
16. Family song.....
17. Death song.......
18. Funeral dong
Ashimoto ni kaze hikari ga matta nichijou ni dake tsumotta bun no kiseki ga
Miagereba kumo tooku e no kiro osanai hi no jibun yori mo hayaku
Yukidoke o matte ita kodomo no you ni hashiru
Hikaru shizuku tobihaneteru
Asu no deai sae kizukazu ni iru kisetsu-tachi no naka de kagayaite iru yo

Sekaijuu ni wa donna omoi mo kanau hi ga kuru
Zutto tabi o shite yuku bokura ni chiisana sei-tachi maioriru

Deatta basho mo midori o nashite yuruyaka ni mo nagareru toki ni yudanete
Haruka ni aogu machinami no roji osanai hi no jibun ga mada kakeru
Ano yuuhodou kara kikoete kuru kigi no koe ya hibi no zawameki...
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Here with me, I’ve got 99 facts!

Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat and presentable girls.
Guys hate other flirts.
A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.
When a guy says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re not thinking the way he is.
Are you doing something?” or “Have you eaten already?” are the first usual perguntas a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.
Guys may be flirting around all dia but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
When a guy really likes...
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Some dreams stay with you long after you've woken up.
...
Life may be just a dream, but how do we interpret it? What we dream at night can give us clues about what is important to us in waking life. Dreams help us to process our conscious thoughts and can give us new and important insights into the problems and challenges we face in the world. Although we may have strange and unusual dreams, there are a number of common dreams that many of us experience over and over again. Read the interpretations below for an explanation of symbols that seem to appear frequently in dreams.
...
1. Faulty or lost...
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Christian quotes...

"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God."
- George H.W. arbusto, bush

"ATHEISTS, AGNOSTICS AND NON BELIEVERS ARE THE TRUE CRIMINALS OF THE WORLD COMMUNITY" - tencommandments.org

"How can there be peace when drunkards, drug dealers, communists, atheists, New Age worshipers of Satan, secular humanists ... and homosexuals are on top?"
- Pat Robertson

"... atheism is none other than raw depravity - the diabolical principle at work in people who dishonor their parents, murder, lie and commit...
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posted by karpach_13
28 Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

1.. We’re not as big of perverts as you think we all are.

2.. No matter what you say, your ex-boyfriend is an asshole

3.. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.

4.. Don’t argue with us when we call you beautiful.

5.. Don’t treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.

6.. We know you’re pretty, that’s one of the reason’s we’re going out with you.

7.. Don’t go into detail about your period. It scares us.

8.. If you have cramps and we ask you what’s wrong, just tell us it’s that time of the mês and nothing more.

9.. If you really...
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posted by karpach_13
101 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minuto intervals
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to cadastrar-se in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department por sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are...
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Questions:
Do you think Eggs are disgusting?


Are cachorros cute?


Do you fish?


Are you at the age where you can drink?


Is eating a Popsicle dangerous?


Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?


Do you know who Hayley Steele is?


Have you ever watched Good Luck Charlie?


Ever taken a sponge bath?


Do you have your ears pierced?


Ever broken your butt?


chá is…?


Ever READ Twilight Saga?


Ever burnt chocolate in the microwave?


Ever wanted to die before?


Any siblings?


chocolate Pie is Gross?

Do you have a cat?


Do you have a dog?


Have you ever had a baby?


Are you father or a mother or nothing?


Do you write stories?


Your best friend’s name is…?


If you had a catch phrase what would it be?


favorito singer?


Is Robert Pattinson hot or what?


Yes or No?


Black or White?


How to post respostas with perguntas Title:
For example:
Random....Questions:Moolah(your name)
posted by MiizLadiDiime
Some of the many things the dumb 21 faced bitches say in my class i am in ano 8 yeah i said it ano eight they act like deh 18 or sumtin most of dem will become prozies

1. oh look at us were so bad cuz we smoke weed..WTF
2. so did u kiss or snog kiss oh ur boringgg
3. rememba my so called friend gave blahblah a blow job she was serious she told me nt 2 tell bt im tellin EVRi 1
4. i amor you i wanna be wid u 4 eva oh yh me 2 kiss kisssy... UR 12!!!
5 oh im gonna bang you oh come antro, den fight fight fight oh no i broke a nail oh did u im sorry friend yh 4eva bfff
7. i lost my virginty ooh yh she abused...
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Guy's point of view

(Here's the take on relationships from a guy's POV. NOT MINE)
From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting seguinte to us, and some aleatório guy walks into the room
 and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutos without
even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a
 little concerned.

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it...
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1. Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

2. When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go.

3. When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her.

4. Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you amor her.

5. Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

6. Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

7. Tease her and let her tease you back.

8. Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

9. Watch her favorito movie with her or her favorito show even if you think its stupid.

10. Give her the world.

11. Let her wear your clothes.

12. Let her know she's important.

13. Kiss...
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added by azkaban
added by Moosick
added by Nuri__