Okay, I am really trying to improve the quality of my composição literária (partly for school, partly for myself) & so I would amor some critical reviews of this fanfic. Not pimping for reviews, I really want constructive criticism. Promise. Your opinion?

It's a oneshot, so it won't take up much of your time, but it's Huddy, so if that's not your thing, feel free to disregard. I'm posting this pergunta on multiple fandoms, not because I have a desire to annoy you all (if I do, I'm sorry) but because I want a wide variety of opinions. Please, I really want to improve, so be as specific in your critiques as possible. Thank you so much!

The Story:
www.fanpop.com/spots/house-md-fanfiction/articles/3322...ove

My FanFiction.net Profile: link