Kelly
You probably would never guess that I was in a rehab centre at 17. But I was and I’ll never forget it. I’ll always remember the stupid things they thought would fix us like art therapy and addiction themed movie nights. I remember Shirley. I remember Jason, Olivia, Christopher and Eva. They were my cure. Even though they were as fucked up as I was, maybe more, they taught me everything I needed to know to change into this woman I am now. I am a business woman. I work long hours and the only stress I have now is from work. Not from needing a drink or a line or a boy I hardly know to make me forget my own problems. I don’t have problems now. I pretty much left them when I left that place. It wasn’t all fine and dandy the segundo I graduated but it was easier. I was lighter, and everything was clearer once I encouraged myself to believe that I was worth something. I deserved a life. I deserved a place in this world. So that’s what I did. I made myself a place instead of a drink and I put real thoughts inside my head instead of blurry whispers that were voiced por my addiction. I’m not a role model, but I’m a survivor. I don’t make huge commitments but I know now that I’m capable of it.
Olivia
It was hard becoming a mother when really I never had one. I had no anterior experience. I had absolutely no recollection of a warm and loving childhood. Sure, it was better after I reconnected with my father, and yeah, maybe I had found a new respect for my baby brother, but there was no one there to really understand simple things like finding the right outfit for my first encontro, data or the severity of my period cramps. No one to brush the hair away from my face when I was crying about school, friends, boys, or the overwhelming absence of the only true friends I ever had. It was all new to me, and I must say, I am an exceptional mother. Compared to mine, I am mother Theresa. I amor my children for who they are and never once did it occur to me to slip them some strong prescription pain meds to keep their weight slightly under average. I would amor them even if they were the fattest, most ugliest kids on the planet. I may have failed at overcoming my obsessive compulsive disorder but it is tremendously better. I have never once gone back to the darkest time of my life where I actually had a seizure because I was so skinny. Having 3 kids assured that I would never quite be in tip topo, início shape again. I’m a futebol mom. I buy family value groceries and I help my kids with their homework. I don’t make sure they record their calories. I make sure that they have everything I didn’t.
Jason
When my father died, I didn’t go to his funeral. I maybe thought I would regret it but when he all but killed me he didn’t come to my funeral. I do not regret it. I did not amor that man. Like my old friend Olivia, only half my parents really cared about me. I honestly think my father read the “Parenting for Dummies” and followed it to a t. And I never forgot Kelly. Maybe I loved her, maybe not. I, Jason Ford, am not my father, and I will never forgive myself for putting an innocent girl in that position. Most of all I remember Christopher. Christopher made it seem possible to actually change. Good little church boy, about to smash a guy’s skull open with a chair, and there I am, tough-guy/douche-bag stepping right in to stop him from doing something he’d regret. I sincerely cared about Christopher. I didn’t want him to hate himself for the rest of his life like I thought I would for hurting my little sister. But I don’t blame myself anymore. I really just want to help. I’m a councillor now. Can you believe it? A fucking councillor! But I learned everything I know from Shirley. I’m no longer tough-guy Jason, but I’m also not this new mushy-sensitive Jason. I’m just Jason, and I am not my father.
Eva
Do you remember? When everything was a pergunta and nothing was an answer. Now there are new respostas around every corner. There are respostas to perguntas you never even thought to ask. Do you remember when she was hanging on por a thread? When she was so lost that the girl and her father tried desperately every chance they got just to listen to each other? Now they hear everything because she says everything. That girl that thought she would forever be silent poured her coração into pages preserving every last painful thought until it wasn’t painful anymore. Pain just disappeared along with all the questions. She still misses her mother. She still gets shaky at parties when all the other grownups are drinking but the child inside of her knows what the adult should never be exposed to. But the best thing about this new girl is that she knows she’s beautiful. And she gets told that every dia por her best friend. Her best friend is like kindness personified. He is light and hopeful and caring and they’ve known each other since the first dia of the hell that would change their lives forever. So don’t ever forget it. Don’t ever forget the darkness that came before the light because then you’ll never even know if you’re slipping away again. Do you remember? Don’t forget it.
Christopher
It feels like it’s been so long right? But then again it hasn’t. It feels like forever atrás that I was letting myself go to be taken advantage of just to get high right under my dear mother’s nose. But it feels like just yesterday that I found Val and she was helping me find my own path. One where I could assume that my god will always forgive me. My god doesn’t judge me but loves me and everything that I do. I have a boyfriend now and he’s nothing like Todd. He’s mais like Jason, Kelly, Eva, and Olivia all put together because they are me. I’m with someone who understands me. I know I deserve that. If someone asked me today what I wanted to be when I was 16 I would have been like “…” oh wait I didn’t know anything when I was 16. All I knew was drugs, shame, confusion, hurt, and a whole wide world that I feared because I hadn’t had half the experiences of a regular 16 ano old guy. But im not scared of the world anymore. Really, I’m not scared of anything. There’s nothing that will reduce me to that confused little church boy strung out on meth that didn’t even know what it felt like to get angry. I am who I am. I am beautiful just like Eva. I am strong just like Jason. I am determined just like Kelly. I am adaptable just like Olivia. And I will never forget that for a second.
Kelly
It sounds crazy even to me, but I’m clean.
Olivia
I have no time to ruin myself. I’m too busy living my own perfect happy life. Being clean is so much better than being… dirty.
Jason
Yep I’m clean. But not everyone is yet. I’m here to help them.
Eva
And at last, finally after all that hard work, she was pure. She was clean.
Christopher
I’m shiny, brand new. I’m clean with only the underlying memories of when I wasn’t.
It’s the color of you
You always wore it
It’s the color we shared
As we hid form them
With it we showed our true selves,
Though no one cared
Our laranja book bags
Saved us from some pain
We protected each other
But it wasn’t enough
We were like two laranja crayons
When everyone else was green
Then you left me alone,
All I had was our color orange
As they hit me
I took peace in knowing
You were in the laranja field in the sky
You always said was there.
The laranja of the sun set
Is your smile
Even though you left too soon
Orange…
Now it’s my color
My way of remembering you
Now I am the lone laranja in the rainbow
Without you here
I protect my own
Though I wish you were here
Now laranja is my color
A color for you bravery
A color for my survival
laranja will forever be our color
Even though death took you away
Forever laranja for you,
Sweet Cassidy.
You always wore it
It’s the color we shared
As we hid form them
With it we showed our true selves,
Though no one cared
Our laranja book bags
Saved us from some pain
We protected each other
But it wasn’t enough
We were like two laranja crayons
When everyone else was green
Then you left me alone,
All I had was our color orange
As they hit me
I took peace in knowing
You were in the laranja field in the sky
You always said was there.
The laranja of the sun set
Is your smile
Even though you left too soon
Orange…
Now it’s my color
My way of remembering you
Now I am the lone laranja in the rainbow
Without you here
I protect my own
Though I wish you were here
Now laranja is my color
A color for you bravery
A color for my survival
laranja will forever be our color
Even though death took you away
Forever laranja for you,
Sweet Cassidy.
Your coração is sore, crippled up like paper.
Your voice is weak, barely passing por you.
Your body is tired, let it lay for tonight.
You are but you- a stranger to much.
No one cares to know you.
They do not wish to after all.
And all those times you told everything-
It was a lie, I amor you became a lie. A horrible lie not one can ever take back to you. How could they, breaking your very soul to the apple's wrinkled core? It shook and broke, just like that. Lonesome and ever so exhausted of even thinking it would be different this time around.
You're so hopeless. You probably cannot mover away from the pain, the desecration left in the path at the end. Then again, in the end it probably doesn't even matter, does it?
Once a joy, now a misery forever scared, alone.
Your voice is weak, barely passing por you.
Your body is tired, let it lay for tonight.
You are but you- a stranger to much.
No one cares to know you.
They do not wish to after all.
And all those times you told everything-
It was a lie, I amor you became a lie. A horrible lie not one can ever take back to you. How could they, breaking your very soul to the apple's wrinkled core? It shook and broke, just like that. Lonesome and ever so exhausted of even thinking it would be different this time around.
You're so hopeless. You probably cannot mover away from the pain, the desecration left in the path at the end. Then again, in the end it probably doesn't even matter, does it?
Once a joy, now a misery forever scared, alone.
I walk into
The Fields of Sorrow
Once again.
Why do I walk there
Almost everyday?
I stroll along the grasses
Thinking
Bearing a horrible pain.
I think of the world around me
And how much they have inspired me.
I start to cry once again.
All my teachers
All my friends,
They have always stood por me,
When things went wrong.
I want a chance to repay them,
To show them that...
Their work was useful.
To show them that
I am truly thankful.
Why do I have to leave them then
Now?
No, now's not a good time.
But I know it was not intended
That I leave them now.
I want to show all those people
That they have been
The change of my life,
That they have made my life so much
Better,
That they were the flames
In the darkness.
The Fields of Sorrow
Once again.
Why do I walk there
Almost everyday?
I stroll along the grasses
Thinking
Bearing a horrible pain.
I think of the world around me
And how much they have inspired me.
I start to cry once again.
All my teachers
All my friends,
They have always stood por me,
When things went wrong.
I want a chance to repay them,
To show them that...
Their work was useful.
To show them that
I am truly thankful.
Why do I have to leave them then
Now?
No, now's not a good time.
But I know it was not intended
That I leave them now.
I want to show all those people
That they have been
The change of my life,
That they have made my life so much
Better,
That they were the flames
In the darkness.
Some of you may go through life,
Thinking something,
That is,
Who the hero is in your life.
I am one of those people.
But what I found is that
Even though many people are major influences
On my success in life
Such as my closest friends,
My teachers,
My parents,
Those serving for our country,
Others around me,
Or even my worst enemies.
This ano I have found that
The hero that I have
Is no one else
But me.
My hero is myself.
I inspire myself to do everything I do.
I am the light of my life.
Thinking something,
That is,
Who the hero is in your life.
I am one of those people.
But what I found is that
Even though many people are major influences
On my success in life
Such as my closest friends,
My teachers,
My parents,
Those serving for our country,
Others around me,
Or even my worst enemies.
This ano I have found that
The hero that I have
Is no one else
But me.
My hero is myself.
I inspire myself to do everything I do.
I am the light of my life.
