Grandma felt extremely guilty. She thought it was all her fault; she'd tried to set me up with Foster in the first place. I tried to convince her it was my own choice; my own mistake, but she still blamed herself.
But I had other things to worry about.
One dia at school, Echo wasn't there. I wouldn't have been so worried, if people weren't freaking out about it. I kept hearing Echo's name said in the hallways, along with "did you hear?" The teachers in some classes even told kids to stop talking about it; it was none of their business. But it was mine. She was my best friend, and I didn't even know what happened to her.
So before lunch, I went up to some aleatório kid. I think his name was Asher.
"Hey, do you know what happened to Echo?" I asked, He stared at me for a moment, then nodded. He looked around, then spoke in a quiet voice.
"She got sent to rehab for her cutting," he whispered. My coração sank into my stomach. Everything got blurry, and I felt myself sway a little bit. "Cosette?" I heard him say, but it sounded very far off. I blinked, and tried to refocus.
The seguinte thing I knew, I was over por the drinking fountain, sitting up against the wall. My head was spinning, but I could hear someone seguinte to me. Then I hand came in front of my face, holding a cup.
"Drink this," a voice said. I flinched a little bit, and looked up to see Asher. I took the cup from his hand and took a sip. It was water. I set it down on the ground, and held my head in my hands. "How're you feeling?" Asher asked.
"What happened," I muttered. My head was still spinning, and things were vaguely clear. Echo was in rehab? How'd they find out?
"Well, you didn't look so good, so I brought you here. You passed out for a couple segundos on the way."
"That's not what I meant," I sighed.
"Oh," he said. "Um, I don't really know. There were always rumors, but I guess the counselor decided to check into it. They dragged her off yesterday evening."
"Oh no..." I whimpered. There was an awkward silence.
"So... You knew?" he asked. My face flushed.
"Yes," I sighed. He was quiet again.
"Well... It's not your fault... Just so y'know," he said softly. "I gotta go. Maybe I'll see you around?" I ignored him. I was too mad at myself. I don't know why. He patted my head gently before leaving, like I was a little kid or something.
***
I slammed the door shut, as I came in. Grandma jumped in her seat, surprised. I was sorry I'd scared her, but I was still too angry to apologize.
"Cosette, Dear, what's wrong?" she asked.
"It's Echo," I said.
"What? What's wrong? Did you two have a fight?"
"No, she's... She's gone."
"What do you mean?" she asked, astonished.
"She's..." I didn't know what to say. I sighed. "She's in rehab." Grandma's eyes widened.
"May I ask why?" she asked politely. I bit my lip. I wasn't sure if I should tell her. I didn't want her to look down on Echo or anything...
"She cuts herself," I whispered. Grandma's eyes got even bigger, which I didn't know was possible, and her jaw dropped.
"Oh my...! Why? Is she alright? When is she coming back?"
"I don't know. Her parents... They're mean to her and her brother.." I stopped. Her brother. Ace. He was início alone with his alcoholic parents. "I gotta go," I said suddenly, bursting out the door. I ran to Echo's house, which was four blocks away. I'd been there only once; and I hadn't gone inside. Echo made it clear she didn't want her parents near me. I didn't blame her.
I went up to the porch, and rang the doorbell.
"Ace! Get the fucking door!" I heard a voice shout. It was slurred a little bit, and sounded tired. I tried to take deep breaths to catch my breath, and calm myself down. A couple minutos later, Ace opened the door. His face was wet with tears, and he had a black eye already. He frowned when he saw me, and started to cry. He ran to me, and wrapped his legs around my legs and sobbed.
"Are you ok?" I asked. It was a stupid question, but I asked it anyways.
"I want Echo," he cried.
"I know you do," I sighed. "I don't know when she's coming back yet, though." There was a crash from inside. "Would they notice if you weren't here?" I asked. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and shook his head. "You can stay at my house until she gets back, ok?"
"Thank you," he said in a tiny voice. I sent him inside to go get his pajamas, and backpack and anything else he'd need. I knew I had to wait outside, but it scared the crap out of me. What if they hurt him? What if they saw him try to leave? I started to panic when ten minutos passed, but then he came out, dragging a bag behind him. I took it from him and swung it over my shoulder, then picked him up. He was so light; did they ever feed him? He wrapped his arms and legs around me as I carried him back home.
Grandma was perfectly fine with having Ace stay over for a while. He kind of reminded me of a younger Demetri. It made my coração ache. Usually he was just a pain in the ass. But now that I thought about it, he wasn't half bad.
Ace fell asleep on the couch, and I slept on the floor that night. I couldn't stop thinking about Demetri then, and my sisters. And Franklin. And Mother.
And Father.
When I thought of him, rage boiled under my skin. I just wanted to soco something or scream, just to get out all my anger. He was the worst man I'd ever met... and I've met a lot of assholes. Right now, I was not afraid to say this, or ashamed; I hate my Father.
But I caught myself, and thought. If he wasn't the way he was, I'd never have left. I wouldn't know Grandma, one of the nicest people I've ever met. I wouldn't know Echo or Ace. I wouldn't even have met Foster, which was nice while it had lasted.
If my father wasn't such a jerk, my life wouldn't be the way it is now. And I like it this way. I like it much better than the way it was before.
I guess I was kind of thankful for my evil father.
But I had other things to worry about.
One dia at school, Echo wasn't there. I wouldn't have been so worried, if people weren't freaking out about it. I kept hearing Echo's name said in the hallways, along with "did you hear?" The teachers in some classes even told kids to stop talking about it; it was none of their business. But it was mine. She was my best friend, and I didn't even know what happened to her.
So before lunch, I went up to some aleatório kid. I think his name was Asher.
"Hey, do you know what happened to Echo?" I asked, He stared at me for a moment, then nodded. He looked around, then spoke in a quiet voice.
"She got sent to rehab for her cutting," he whispered. My coração sank into my stomach. Everything got blurry, and I felt myself sway a little bit. "Cosette?" I heard him say, but it sounded very far off. I blinked, and tried to refocus.
The seguinte thing I knew, I was over por the drinking fountain, sitting up against the wall. My head was spinning, but I could hear someone seguinte to me. Then I hand came in front of my face, holding a cup.
"Drink this," a voice said. I flinched a little bit, and looked up to see Asher. I took the cup from his hand and took a sip. It was water. I set it down on the ground, and held my head in my hands. "How're you feeling?" Asher asked.
"What happened," I muttered. My head was still spinning, and things were vaguely clear. Echo was in rehab? How'd they find out?
"Well, you didn't look so good, so I brought you here. You passed out for a couple segundos on the way."
"That's not what I meant," I sighed.
"Oh," he said. "Um, I don't really know. There were always rumors, but I guess the counselor decided to check into it. They dragged her off yesterday evening."
"Oh no..." I whimpered. There was an awkward silence.
"So... You knew?" he asked. My face flushed.
"Yes," I sighed. He was quiet again.
"Well... It's not your fault... Just so y'know," he said softly. "I gotta go. Maybe I'll see you around?" I ignored him. I was too mad at myself. I don't know why. He patted my head gently before leaving, like I was a little kid or something.
***
I slammed the door shut, as I came in. Grandma jumped in her seat, surprised. I was sorry I'd scared her, but I was still too angry to apologize.
"Cosette, Dear, what's wrong?" she asked.
"It's Echo," I said.
"What? What's wrong? Did you two have a fight?"
"No, she's... She's gone."
"What do you mean?" she asked, astonished.
"She's..." I didn't know what to say. I sighed. "She's in rehab." Grandma's eyes widened.
"May I ask why?" she asked politely. I bit my lip. I wasn't sure if I should tell her. I didn't want her to look down on Echo or anything...
"She cuts herself," I whispered. Grandma's eyes got even bigger, which I didn't know was possible, and her jaw dropped.
"Oh my...! Why? Is she alright? When is she coming back?"
"I don't know. Her parents... They're mean to her and her brother.." I stopped. Her brother. Ace. He was início alone with his alcoholic parents. "I gotta go," I said suddenly, bursting out the door. I ran to Echo's house, which was four blocks away. I'd been there only once; and I hadn't gone inside. Echo made it clear she didn't want her parents near me. I didn't blame her.
I went up to the porch, and rang the doorbell.
"Ace! Get the fucking door!" I heard a voice shout. It was slurred a little bit, and sounded tired. I tried to take deep breaths to catch my breath, and calm myself down. A couple minutos later, Ace opened the door. His face was wet with tears, and he had a black eye already. He frowned when he saw me, and started to cry. He ran to me, and wrapped his legs around my legs and sobbed.
"Are you ok?" I asked. It was a stupid question, but I asked it anyways.
"I want Echo," he cried.
"I know you do," I sighed. "I don't know when she's coming back yet, though." There was a crash from inside. "Would they notice if you weren't here?" I asked. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and shook his head. "You can stay at my house until she gets back, ok?"
"Thank you," he said in a tiny voice. I sent him inside to go get his pajamas, and backpack and anything else he'd need. I knew I had to wait outside, but it scared the crap out of me. What if they hurt him? What if they saw him try to leave? I started to panic when ten minutos passed, but then he came out, dragging a bag behind him. I took it from him and swung it over my shoulder, then picked him up. He was so light; did they ever feed him? He wrapped his arms and legs around me as I carried him back home.
Grandma was perfectly fine with having Ace stay over for a while. He kind of reminded me of a younger Demetri. It made my coração ache. Usually he was just a pain in the ass. But now that I thought about it, he wasn't half bad.
Ace fell asleep on the couch, and I slept on the floor that night. I couldn't stop thinking about Demetri then, and my sisters. And Franklin. And Mother.
And Father.
When I thought of him, rage boiled under my skin. I just wanted to soco something or scream, just to get out all my anger. He was the worst man I'd ever met... and I've met a lot of assholes. Right now, I was not afraid to say this, or ashamed; I hate my Father.
But I caught myself, and thought. If he wasn't the way he was, I'd never have left. I wouldn't know Grandma, one of the nicest people I've ever met. I wouldn't know Echo or Ace. I wouldn't even have met Foster, which was nice while it had lasted.
If my father wasn't such a jerk, my life wouldn't be the way it is now. And I like it this way. I like it much better than the way it was before.
I guess I was kind of thankful for my evil father.
I needed more, more! I threw the book across the dimly lit, wooden attic. The book hit a stack of old newspapers. I tore open yet another book. Nothing would give me my answers.
Why did I feel the need to care for Lucy? Why could I not get Alexander out of my head?
There were pages, and pages of the thought process, but nothing to explain what I felt! Why could no one manage to capture these feelings, and explain them?
A knock on the door interrupted me. “What?” I snapped.
“It is past midnight, Damien. Come to bed,” said Grey through the door.
“I’ll come when I want to. Now, go away!” Could she not understand I was confused, and angry? She possessed such naivety.
“Fine!” Grey yelled. I heard her storm down the steps. Then I heard her bedroom door slam. I let out a puff of air.
Then I threw another book against the wall. I kicked the whole stack of books, and watched as they toppled over. I threw myself onto the floor, and began crying.
Why did I feel the need to care for Lucy? Why could I not get Alexander out of my head?
There were pages, and pages of the thought process, but nothing to explain what I felt! Why could no one manage to capture these feelings, and explain them?
A knock on the door interrupted me. “What?” I snapped.
“It is past midnight, Damien. Come to bed,” said Grey through the door.
“I’ll come when I want to. Now, go away!” Could she not understand I was confused, and angry? She possessed such naivety.
“Fine!” Grey yelled. I heard her storm down the steps. Then I heard her bedroom door slam. I let out a puff of air.
Then I threw another book against the wall. I kicked the whole stack of books, and watched as they toppled over. I threw myself onto the floor, and began crying.
upset
and so many thoughts
circling around
your head,
you try to make
this right,
to find the best way
so you could feel better,
so you could be free.
Pain will never
go away,
it always stays
to remember you
that life is not a dream,
life is unpredictable.
Endless questions,
so many "Why",
but the answer
we will
never find!
The strength within
will not let us crack,
life is unpredictable,
who's to say?
Today you're happy,
and yet
despair waits
stealthily
to engulf you.
But,
you need to be prepared.
Not only bad things
happen to bad people.
Unfortunately,
so many pure,
honored hearts
have been broken for
so many times,
in so many pieces,
and yet
they live,
they live with
their agony,
they live with
their groan,
but they live,
tho their eyes are
always sad,
their hearts are
still softly.
Therefore
they know...
Therefore
they are...
The brightest star
that shines
in the dark,
that spark of hope
for all of us
who deserve better.
When you look at the night sky, what do you see?
In my eyes,
I see the moon as a peaceful spirit,
watching over me.
When you stop and listen to the wind, what do you hear?
In my eyes,
The wind sings to me and tells tales.
When you feel the sun on your back, what do you think?
In my eyes,
The sun reaches out and gives me a warm smile.
When you hear a flowing stream, how does it sound?
In my eyes,
The stream is floating in my coração and soul, drifting on and on.
When you look at me, what do you see?
In my eyes,
I see an average girl who is silently struggling inside.
But that's all in my eyes.
In my eyes,
I see the moon as a peaceful spirit,
watching over me.
When you stop and listen to the wind, what do you hear?
In my eyes,
The wind sings to me and tells tales.
When you feel the sun on your back, what do you think?
In my eyes,
The sun reaches out and gives me a warm smile.
When you hear a flowing stream, how does it sound?
In my eyes,
The stream is floating in my coração and soul, drifting on and on.
When you look at me, what do you see?
In my eyes,
I see an average girl who is silently struggling inside.
But that's all in my eyes.