Alone. All cold, cold as snow in December's winter embrace. What have I become in life? I let the others push me, let poverty and unhappiness take over, and let me live a short, tragic life. Did I long to be miserable and unhappy like Poe so I could become a great writer? Did I read The Little Match Girl too much at age five or six to the point where I became her? Am I an attention seeker because my parents never gave a damn about me? I could have been anything, anything I wanted. I was a great writer, fantastic artist, had a perfect boyfriend for me, but I just threw it all away. If I could, I swear I could just go back in time right now and just tell my little six ano old girl self to become the greatest that she could be. The tears rolling down my face felt cold and icy. The cold reminded me of the amor my mother gave me. Cold and uncared for. I could of ran away and joined a group of hippies and be happy. I could have lived an artistic 1960's lifestyle with my beautiful husband and angelic looking children, with a lot of money and slight fame. No. I chose making myself suffer, just so others won't take me down. I thought if I could make myself suffer, no one else would bring me down or take me down. It was a wrong choice in life. I lie in the snow, and people are either scared shitless of what might happen to me, or else just walk por and don't care. I'm freezing, but I don't care.
As the agonizing hours go by, I find myself not in reality. I hear slight voices from the outside, but I can't awaken. Yet, I don't wanna wake up just yet. I want to stay and see what my imagination shows. What I see here is so much colorful and much prettier than the other universe that has destroyed me. I felt like I was in the movie Howl's Moving Castle, where Howl and Sofie are in his secret garden. It looked exactly like that. Acres and acres of the softest, greenest grass, with flores of many kinds and as cores popping up, so full of life. Few trees are around that bare frutas upon their leaves for food, and beautiful crystal blue water ahead so fresh and welcoming. The sky was at it's bluest, and the clouds never looked so fluffy and white before. Also, a beautiful, attractive man came before me. He had dark wavy shoulder length black hair that looked messy, but was as soft and smooth as silk. He had a very sexy muscular tone, but it wasn't pro wrestler muscular, it was mais of a healthy muscular that was attractive and not disgusting or too much. He had the most gorgeous hypnotizing amber eyes that I got lost in. He had beautiful bold lips that even a woman with lips would be jealous of, and they looked so soft, healthy and kissable. He had a slight tan and smooth skin, and the most gorgeous smile that I've ever seen on a man. He loved me. He whispered in my ear,"I've been waiting for you, my love." He kissed me passionately, and I was definitely correct about his lips being kissable. Is this my life? Am I supposed to live in this fantasy? From there on, I didn't care if I woke up or not. I was just happy that I never have to have anyone hate me, have to work on the streets to get comida or money, have to have parents that never cared for me, or live in the agony.
I never knew if I lived or died. I never knew if I ever woke up ever again. I never knew if my coração ever stopped beating. In my world, it never did. I had children, a great life and husband in this beautiful perfect world in my mind. Maybe this is my life, to live inside of my mind. I sound insane, but I don't care anymore. I won't freeze anymore, or suffer anymore. For the first time in years, I feel loved and needed. I amor this feeling. We never aged, we never really hurt, we just felt happiness and love.
I maybe crazy, but at least I don't have the life I lived. I maybe sad, but I'm happy now. I maybe just be a body lying in a hospital cama but I'm alive in my mind. The best part of all? I don't have to freeze to death to find escape or peace of mind. I can do whatever because I can control this now.
I woke two years later. Something inside of me changed, as if I became a monster or something. Something inside of me died. It was my happiness. It just died. I walked around saying,"Put me back! Put me back! Please! I don't want to wake! Please put me back!" The last thing I remember before blacking out is seeing a little girl that looked like my daughter from my world, and a sharp pain in my arm. Now, I have something making me sleepy, but it isn't myself. I have something wrapped tight around me, but it isn't my husband or one of my children. I live in a secure place, but it isn't beautiful and colorful like in my mind. I heard noises from the outside, but it wasn't birds or waves, it was screams from other women. I had something made me feel whole and wonderful, but it was taken away from me. I now close my eyes, hoping to go back home.
As the agonizing hours go by, I find myself not in reality. I hear slight voices from the outside, but I can't awaken. Yet, I don't wanna wake up just yet. I want to stay and see what my imagination shows. What I see here is so much colorful and much prettier than the other universe that has destroyed me. I felt like I was in the movie Howl's Moving Castle, where Howl and Sofie are in his secret garden. It looked exactly like that. Acres and acres of the softest, greenest grass, with flores of many kinds and as cores popping up, so full of life. Few trees are around that bare frutas upon their leaves for food, and beautiful crystal blue water ahead so fresh and welcoming. The sky was at it's bluest, and the clouds never looked so fluffy and white before. Also, a beautiful, attractive man came before me. He had dark wavy shoulder length black hair that looked messy, but was as soft and smooth as silk. He had a very sexy muscular tone, but it wasn't pro wrestler muscular, it was mais of a healthy muscular that was attractive and not disgusting or too much. He had the most gorgeous hypnotizing amber eyes that I got lost in. He had beautiful bold lips that even a woman with lips would be jealous of, and they looked so soft, healthy and kissable. He had a slight tan and smooth skin, and the most gorgeous smile that I've ever seen on a man. He loved me. He whispered in my ear,"I've been waiting for you, my love." He kissed me passionately, and I was definitely correct about his lips being kissable. Is this my life? Am I supposed to live in this fantasy? From there on, I didn't care if I woke up or not. I was just happy that I never have to have anyone hate me, have to work on the streets to get comida or money, have to have parents that never cared for me, or live in the agony.
I never knew if I lived or died. I never knew if I ever woke up ever again. I never knew if my coração ever stopped beating. In my world, it never did. I had children, a great life and husband in this beautiful perfect world in my mind. Maybe this is my life, to live inside of my mind. I sound insane, but I don't care anymore. I won't freeze anymore, or suffer anymore. For the first time in years, I feel loved and needed. I amor this feeling. We never aged, we never really hurt, we just felt happiness and love.
I maybe crazy, but at least I don't have the life I lived. I maybe sad, but I'm happy now. I maybe just be a body lying in a hospital cama but I'm alive in my mind. The best part of all? I don't have to freeze to death to find escape or peace of mind. I can do whatever because I can control this now.
I woke two years later. Something inside of me changed, as if I became a monster or something. Something inside of me died. It was my happiness. It just died. I walked around saying,"Put me back! Put me back! Please! I don't want to wake! Please put me back!" The last thing I remember before blacking out is seeing a little girl that looked like my daughter from my world, and a sharp pain in my arm. Now, I have something making me sleepy, but it isn't myself. I have something wrapped tight around me, but it isn't my husband or one of my children. I live in a secure place, but it isn't beautiful and colorful like in my mind. I heard noises from the outside, but it wasn't birds or waves, it was screams from other women. I had something made me feel whole and wonderful, but it was taken away from me. I now close my eyes, hoping to go back home.