Dear Diary, August 13,2009
Well, its been three months since House was....taken.
And life hasnt been the same since.
I havent slept a full night since he left and ever since i found out about his hallucination the guilt has been eating me alive. And even though i KNOW wilsons right, that this isnt my fault, that i have nothing whatsoever ti feel guilty of, i just cant get the picture of his face right before he left out of my head. Ive never seen him look so.....broken. It disturbed me. I could feel that he hurt, and it made ME hurt.
Ive known him for twenty years, and i dont think ive ever met anyone else in my 38 years of living with such a stubborn refusal to open up and show there feelings. But when i asked him if he was OK, when the sudden realization crashed over him, juts for a moment, i saw a multitude of feelings like ive never seen before on anyone. Greif, shock, disspointment, hurt, shame. His eyes were as wide as saucers, his mouth was literally open in surprise. And he saw the concern and pity on MY face, and that made it all worse. But is that why im feeling guilty? Or is it something different?
Im crying as i write this, but i dont know why. The very base of my life is slipping out from under my feet with alarming speed. Everything if falling out of control and i cant sop it.
I dont know whats happening to me. I feel like im dying inside, but at the same time ive never felt mais alive. I think....i do like him?LOVE him?
It doesnt matter. Ive effectivley kicked him out of my life.
-Lisa
Well, its been three months since House was....taken.
And life hasnt been the same since.
I havent slept a full night since he left and ever since i found out about his hallucination the guilt has been eating me alive. And even though i KNOW wilsons right, that this isnt my fault, that i have nothing whatsoever ti feel guilty of, i just cant get the picture of his face right before he left out of my head. Ive never seen him look so.....broken. It disturbed me. I could feel that he hurt, and it made ME hurt.
Ive known him for twenty years, and i dont think ive ever met anyone else in my 38 years of living with such a stubborn refusal to open up and show there feelings. But when i asked him if he was OK, when the sudden realization crashed over him, juts for a moment, i saw a multitude of feelings like ive never seen before on anyone. Greif, shock, disspointment, hurt, shame. His eyes were as wide as saucers, his mouth was literally open in surprise. And he saw the concern and pity on MY face, and that made it all worse. But is that why im feeling guilty? Or is it something different?
Im crying as i write this, but i dont know why. The very base of my life is slipping out from under my feet with alarming speed. Everything if falling out of control and i cant sop it.
I dont know whats happening to me. I feel like im dying inside, but at the same time ive never felt mais alive. I think....i do like him?LOVE him?
It doesnt matter. Ive effectivley kicked him out of my life.
-Lisa
When does amor become something we need, rather than something we want? amor was seen as something special a long time ago. Now amor is what we are expected to have with us everyday of our lives. amor is common currency when you are a teenager, but turns to worthless pennies the older you get. Do we not care about the substance of what amor was and not what it has been made into today por commercialisation from American filmes and televisão commercials and soap operas? Only when we experience amor for real, can we comment and judge others who are in Love. amor means something different to everyone. Not two people’s feeling of amor is the same. Why do we generalize, rationalize and compartmentalize Love? amor is and will continue to be an enigma. Only a handful of people will ever unlock it and witness its true beauty and essence. The essence we all crave.
Love.
Love.