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You Know You're leitura Twilight Fanfiction When...

posted by pompeybabe

Lemons ... get it?

I found these on Tumblr ... thought they were funny (and pretty damn accurate).

This is a little graphic for those of you who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)

1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous

2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy

3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling

4. Edward has a temper

5. Though there are no vampiros and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL

6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile

7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella

8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them

9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)

10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 segundos after seeing Bella only bite her lip

11. Tanya is a bitch

12. Rose is the coolest badass ever

13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere

14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re leitura a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: or Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]

15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story or a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I amor you” before sex

16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 segundos before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids

17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella barbie and always takes her shopping against her will

18. No matter how long the story is or what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips

19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her por Alice or Rose

20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with música and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits

21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon

22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.

23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick

24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.

25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah

26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme

27. They always rip condoms with their teeth

28. At one time or another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”

29. The author will almost always sneak in at least one book or movie quote

30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out por Edward watching her sleep

Elle-C, BloodyObsession and 3 others like this

1

emmett cullen amor story chapter 15

posted by karpach_13

You got done petting the dog and then saw the time it was 8 at night.
You: Sabrina dear it is time for bed.
She nodded and ran to the house. You laughed and went towards the house. You went in and put her to cama after she was in her pajamas. You kissed her night and went to your room. You saw Emmett looking at a fotografia album.
You: Well, handsome what are you looking at?
Em: Oh just pictures and imagining you in a sexy outfit.
He smiled and you giggled and shut the door and went to him in no time. You kissed him and before you knew it you both were naked. (I am going to let you use your imagination)...

1

emmett culen amor story chapter 11

posted by karpach_13

You got there and saw Rose and Edward making out on the couch. You laughed and then cleared your throat.
You: Wow. Didn't see that coming.
Alice: Me either. This is very awkward.
They were staring at you guys now embaressed.
Em: Now that you both are done making out. Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper please get in here.
They got there in no time.
Carlisle: Yes Emmett.
Your thoughts: I hope they believe.
You froze again.
*Vision 3*
The little girl is still tied up and is being raped. She is screaming and crying. But, then he cuts her throat. She is bleeding to death.
*End of Vision*
You: Alice. It is getting worse....

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emmett cullen amor story chapter 8

posted by karpach_13

You have been in so much pain with the burning going through your body. You feel like screaming and pouring water on your body to put out the fire. The thing that is keeping you sane is the pictures of your family. You only see them and that is what you think is pulling you through. You see all of their smiling face. But, now they are starting to disappear. No they can't disappear. All that you see now is darkness pure black darkness. You are so confused. You are trying procurar for the imagens but, all you see is nothing. You still feel the fogo burning in you.
Emmett POV:
It has been 2 1/2 days...

4

True Lies, Teen Girls(Chapter Thirteen)

posted by moolah

Bella’s P.O.V:
“What?” she asked Alice confused. “We’re…you; I and Edward are going to jail.” “What the hell, Alice?” I screamed. I wasn’t going to jail. Charlie would absolutely kill me. Kill me. I ran over to the phone and called Edward on his cell phone. “Whoa, whoa, Bella…you’ll disturb him and he’ll fr-e...” Edward had already picked it up, “Bella? Alice? Rosalie?” he asked. “Bella.” I answered. “Oh, hello my love.” I giggled, happily, “Yeah, umm are you almost done?” He appeared to be thinking, “Yes, love-let me finish up this elk and I will...

5

Hello, My Name Is: Death ~Vol. 5~ [SIX]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume Five
BuffyFaithfan1
_______________________________
[SIX]
The seguinte thing I knew, was that it was only half-past midnight and Jerek was gone. I looked at the bathroom door and saw it was opened all the way. So, I got up, feeling groggy, and wondering where he went. I went into the kitchen, and noticed the place felt eerily quiet. The air was thick with death, and I could only wonder what happened. I passed through the meeting room, and saw it empty. I went into the kitchen, it was vacant too. I checked the bunkers and checked to see if everyone...

4

The Loss (chapter two)

posted by a-jforever

After fixing and eating chá I decided I was tired enough to go to bed. It was ten o’clock so I guess it was acceptable. I climbed under the cold sheets, quickly falling asleep, dreaming of my visit to Renesmee’s tomorrow.

I moaned as my alarm went off knowing it was six thirty and that I had to go to school. I switched on my giant stereo dancing around to some of my favourite songs while I was showering and getting dressed. por the time I had turned if off and got down stairs my parents had already left for work which ment I needed to hunt for my keys. There was a knock at the front door....

2

Hello, My Name Is: Death ~Vol. Two~ [FOUR]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume Two
BuffyFaithfan1
__________________
[FOUR]
    I jumped up and whipped out my gun, aimed it for Haus' chest and fired twice. Haus went down in a second.
    "Let's go!" I said and Rick jumped into the room, brandishing his knives.
    Tabra grabbed his arm, twisted it around and snapped it. Clean break, sounded like, if not, good! He deserved the suffering. Rick went down on one knee, and I shot at him, the bullet entered his skull. He's a goner.
    A chick walked in then, carrying a whip and slung it at Tabra. It wrapped around his neck and she started to pull.
    "Let him go!" I shouted and shot at her, she got hit in the leg.
    "You bitch!" She said, released Tabra and slashed her whip at me.
    It knocked the gun out of my hand.
    "Let's do this," She dropped her whip and walked towards me.
    "First class whore!" I spat and she gasped.
    "I'll kill you for that."
    Uh-oh!

1

support fantasia tv

posted by ocd_sylar

i am a fã of all things fantasia so it made me really ticked to hear that legend of the seeker (a fantasia tv series that just finished its 2nd season) might b cancelled. heres why: the main character, richard cypher, is a mix of jacob black, edward,& all the other twilight good guys. mainly hes like jasper, he tries to behave, but because of his amazing fighting talents its extremely hard for him. the main female character, kahlan amnell, is a strong independent woman. shes the kind of person id imagine renesme growing up to be. cara, introduced at the end of season 1, is so similiar to...

4

Borrowed lifes XIII

posted by Tatti

"You know, guys, there are some things I don't understand" I said during the break. Bella insisted on me resting though I didn't want to. Not that I actually didn't need it. I just was so excited about developing my abilities that I didn't pay any attention to my fatigue. Every hora spent on practicing was mais and mais useful - I could easily push out my mental or physical shield and on the last experiment I succeeded in blocking some of Emmett thoughts from Edward. I shielded aleatório thoughts though all of us were hoping I will be able to learn to protect specific ones.
"What is it, Lilly?"...

5

Borrowed lifes XI

posted by Tatti

So I've decided to continue, hope you'll like it. Please leave a comment and thanks for reading.

After 5 months

New York

I was exhausted. And I looked terrible. Of course I have many reasons to be happy : first, I've just arrested one of the biggest dealers in the state, second, I am alive and not even injured after that. I shouldn't worry about my appearance right now - I was working undercover. But few guys on the other side of the road whistled and I felt bad again. I wasn't used to walking on rua dressed like girl who probably sleeps at night clubs. I stopped to look at my reflection in...

4

a beautiful death part 10

posted by xroylex

i was still waiting but something felt weird why hadnt jake come back?
where the hell was he?
i was about to go looking for him when paul came back holding two cold looking drinks
"here" he handed me a glass but his face looked wary and a little guilty so before taking a sip i sniffed it.
yep as i was expecting there was something in it but what he didnt know is that being half vampire was that these tablet didnt effect me so why not have a little fun with him hmm??
well
i drank the hole glass watchin his eyes widen and a hug smile spread across his face
"wow i got to say that drink was ... diffrent...

3

Dear Diary Chapter 4

posted by Jessie-Louise

Dear Diary,

Something bad happened last night,I think i might be pregnant with Jacobs child.
I have to tell my parents.Maybe i will tell them tomorrow.. Yes tomorrow.
And i will just say that it wasn't meant to happen but i would like to keep my child.
I mean what bad can actually go on ,well my dad will shout thats for sure but he will soon get over it
... (gulp) I Hope.

Love Renesmee...x

It was the seguinte dia and i decided to tell my parents.

"Mom,Dad i need to tell you something"
"Ohh honey we need to tell you something too"
"Im Pregnant"me and mom said at the same time.
"WHAT!" i think its abit weird...

4

if he never chapter 29

posted by KatiiCullen94

"A son, bella" Edwards hand caressed my face adoringly.
My ribs hurt with extreme pain. I was exhusted, and like being kicked in the gut put on top.
"Emmett, fetch my mais morphine" Carlisle struggled, holding my new screaming boy.
"Who wants to cut the chord?" Edward suggested.
A small voice sounded from the the back of the room. Rosalie.
"I will" She slowly approuched me and smiled a wide grin once she came into my eyeshot.
Emmett wiped back with a large needle.
oh god, i dont like the size of that needle. I graped onto Edward wrist.
"It's alright Bella, it wont hurt" Carlisle assured me....

6

Without Bella : Chapter 5

posted by KATYrebekah

Reunited

Carlisle's P.O.V.

"QUICK!" Renesmee shouted, "CALL AN AMBULANCE!" Everyone stared at her until she realised. "Right.. well what can we do?" She panted - rushing to be por her fathers feet. Now everyone's eyes were on me. "To be honest.. nothing. We can't do anything! Jane has chosen to do this, she shall continue until she has gotten revenge." I said, sadly. Esme's eyes were wet. Almost as if she had been crying. Impossible. Renesmee opened her mobile I got her for natal and opened it. She started dialling. "You can't ring an ambulance!" I said. "I'm not going to!" She replied, "I'm just...

1

breaking dawn book 2 chapter 7

posted by xroylex

sorry i have took so long in writeing this lol i was really busy so i wrote a little mais and i promise i will try and be quicker im composição literária them :0 hope you enjoy and onse again i am sorry about the spelling and please comment :)

"edward whats happerning?" esme asked
"its nothing he is just talkin to her" what els could i tell them ?? oh yeah i asked jacob to ask bella that he would help her make a baby if she wonted? i couldnt tell them i mean what would they say?.
this was something that was i could live throught sure bella might fall for jacob but that didnt matter to me. all that matter is...

3

Dreams do come true Chapter 10

posted by Darktimes104

I hope you enjoy, please comment!!!

Emmett's POV:
We have been driving for a few days now, I don't know how much longer till we get there. I'm now riding with Carlisle and Edward, and Esme with Rose. Carlisle was pulling to the side of the road, I knew we weren't there yet so, we must be hunting. We all got out of the car and Carlisle said, "Everyone meet back here in one hour. He took Esme's hand and ran straight into the forest, Edward followed to the right, and Rose and I followed to the left. We hunted a few bears and dear. We were going back to the cars when I realized now will be the perfect...

Renn and Jakes life chapter 21

posted by WritenOnTheSand

Nessie in the rain

My eyes flutter open and I see Jake kneeling beside me. His face is crossed with worry.

"Nessie, can you hear me?" He says gently as he strokes my face. I feel a sudden pain on the back of my head.

"Ow.." I muster. I must have hit my head when I passed out. Normally I would not have felt that but I guess all that has changed.

Jake lifts me off the floor and carries me to the couch. He sets me down and leans in and kisses my forehead.

He starts to walk away, but I reach for his arm just in time to brush it lightly. "Wait," I say as he turns around. "where are you going?" I ask once his body...

1

The queen Bs Chapter 1

posted by lollipopszx3

"Bella!" shouted my dad. "Rosalie! Come on! We have to catch your train!" He slammed the door shut to emphasize his point. We walked down holding our suitcases and rain jackets. We lived in Forks, one of the rainiest towns in the world.

Isabella cisne is my name. I prefer to be called Bella. Rosalie, who I call Rose, is my sister. She is in grade 12. I'm in grade 11. We are off to boarding school. Rose and I both got accepted to the Lansdale Academy in California. We recieved our acceptance three weeks ago.

"Can you believe it?" whispered Rose as we walked into the backseat of the car. "Lansdale...

3

MSN With The Volturi Chapter 1

posted by lollipopszx3

Jane-Sadistic_Vamp

Alec-LoseFeelingInYourArm

Aro-RuleroftheWorld

Demetri-HuntYouDown

Felix-StrongerThanYou

Gianna-HumanVamp

Heidi-Bait

Sadistic_Vamp has logged on.

LoseFeelingInYourArm has logged on.

Sadistic_Vamp: Really Alec? Losefeelinginyourarm? That is the best you came up with?

LoseFeelingInYourArm: Oh I see. No hello. I can see what kind of sister you are.

Sadistic_Vamp: I was talking to you a minuto ago. Why do I have to say hi again?

LoseFeelingInYourArm: Then why didn't you make fun of my name a minuto ago?

Sadistic_Vamp: We didn't even have MSN a minuto ago.

LoseFeelingInYourArm: Fine then. Let...

1

'Twilight' Saga's Stephenie Meyer Gives fãs Novella; Makes Progress On 'The Host'

posted by Hellohoudini

por MIKE FLEMING | Wednesday March 31, 2010

Stephenie Meyer announced that she has written the Twilight tie-in novella The Short segundo Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novel. Little,Brown will release the book June 5, pledging $1 from each copy to be donated to the Red cruz for disaster relief in Haiti and Chile. But fãs will want to know if this means another Meyer movie, and it doesn't seem likely at this point. In her disclosure about the 192-page novella—about the young vampire Bree who's introduced in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse—Meyer reveals that the prose helped Eclipse director...