Robert wasn’t sure where he wanted to go. But he let his feet drag him towards anywhere around the hospital. His brain couldn’t even alert him to leave, he was just walking.
He was pacing urgently, and quickly, as though someone is following him, as though he was escaping from someone. But actually he was escaping from something.
He was hunted por his own shadows, por the past, por the memories, por the very vivid vision of that building collapsing before his eyes; while he stood helpless, unable to do anything but weep. It didn’t matter what happened. It didn’t matter what really screwed things up and caused the final break. The only thing that really mattered was that it was over.
He suddenly found himself running away from places as well. He passed por Wilson’s office, he was standing beside it, and he had called after Chase, but he didn’t reply. He kept pacing. He passed por Cuddy as well. She looked even mais apprehensive than Wilson when she called after him, she even followed him for a few steps, saying something like moving on and life being cruel to us but it goes on. But he kept pacing.
He passed the janitor closet, the monitoring room, the doctors’ launch, the surgery rooms, the cafeteria, even the counter where the nurses eyed him suspiciously; he found no comfort in any of those places. They were all so full of Cameron. He wanted a Cameron-free place. Even his white casaco was full of her scent. It made his skin itch for her fingers on his hands.
He shook off the idea. He desperately tried to stop the hammering memories that pounded in his head as he passed their anterior happy life.
He didn’t know how. He suddenly found himself on the roof. With his white casaco on the floor beside him, and the invitation almost tore in half in his right hand. He breathed the fresh air. Cameron-free. And suddenly he realized that it was not. Even here they had some old, very blurry memory. Not romantic, just something that reminded him of her again. It was that day, almost seven years before, when they had a complicated case and a teenage boy was about to throw himself off the roof because of his hallucinations.
He laughed a humorless, loud laugh. How ironic. Every corner of his life was revolved around her. He couldn’t think of going any place he liked without remembering her.
But he wasn’t going to leave now. He was tired of walking, and he knew it was no use. He’ll see her everywhere. He sat on the bench, taking the risk of falling if he backed the tiniest bit. It didn’t matter anymore. Life no longer meant anything. It was over. No one loved him. No one will miss him. But he just wasn’t Valente enough to throw himself. Or maybe he was smart enough to realize that it was stupid.
Chase sank in his memories, unable to think of anything other than the pain he’s been through after the divorce, and the fact that Cameron had gotten over it so easily and is already getting re-married. He closed his eyes recalling their own wedding. Simple, and cozy with only the people they truly loved. He wondered who Henry Cusack was, it sounded so British… for some reason. Staring absently at the fancy invitation, he correctly guessed that the wedding would be huge. He saw Cameron walking down the aisle of a fancily decorated church, dressed in a huge white vestido that she could barely walk with, that will definitely jerk every eye in her direction.
The torturing image was suddenly torn, and Chase awoke from his fantasies at the voice of the roof’s door cracking open. Remy or Thirteen as everyone liked to call her appeared wearing a sympathetic expression that she quickly concealed and wore a blank one instead. She stood in front of him motionless for a few minutes, but what seemed like ages to them. She wanted so much to run and hug him. Make everything ok. Whip that agonized expression from his face. He wanted to collapse into her arms and cry out his pain. She was his friend, his only friend, and mais than anything he wanted her now. But they both could not act on what they desired. They did not know where the boundaries of their friendship were.
‘You’re not thinking about jumping, are you?’ Thirteen asked finally
‘No’ Chase said calmly ‘Not anymore’
‘Then why are you here?’ she kept her voice composed
‘I don’t know’ Chase said slowly
‘You know you almost drove us crazy. We’ve been looking for you for about two hours’
‘Has it been this long? I must’ve lost the track of time’ Chase answered absently
A moment of awkward silence passed as Chase stared down at the floor and Thirteen let her worried expression surface. Was there any way to make him feel better? She thought how could she do this to him? How could she do this to this wonderful man?
Chase’s gaze met Thirteen’s meaningfully. She strolled towards him and silently sat beside him taking his hand in her own.
‘Do you want to talk about it’ she almost whispered
‘I don’t think there’s anything to say’ his eyes formed tears.
‘Please Chase, don’t let it bother you’ she finally said sympathetically ‘it does not worth it. Life goes on. She decided to mover on so should you’
‘You don’t understand’ tears rolled from his eyes ‘I loved her mais than anything. I love her mais than anything. It was such a shock that she suddenly left. She barely explained. How could she do this to me? Walk out on me so simply and knock down everything we had together in a glimpse of an eye and then just as quickly get married, like it did not even matter from the first place’
‘Of course it mattered’ Thirteen reassured him placing her hand on his back comfortingly ‘Of course she loved you. What happened could have happened to any relationship. Bad things happen to any of us but they might lead to something good. It all goes chaotically in a way we don’t understand. But no matter how much it hurts it cannot destroy you. I’m sure something better is waiting for you right around the corner, even if it does not seem like it right now.’
He gave her one long agonized look that melted her heart, and sent pain through her body. He broke. He cried like a baby and all she could do was hold him tight, trying to ease his pain. She, too, cried for him, wanting so badly to erase the damage that’s been already done.
He was pacing urgently, and quickly, as though someone is following him, as though he was escaping from someone. But actually he was escaping from something.
He was hunted por his own shadows, por the past, por the memories, por the very vivid vision of that building collapsing before his eyes; while he stood helpless, unable to do anything but weep. It didn’t matter what happened. It didn’t matter what really screwed things up and caused the final break. The only thing that really mattered was that it was over.
He suddenly found himself running away from places as well. He passed por Wilson’s office, he was standing beside it, and he had called after Chase, but he didn’t reply. He kept pacing. He passed por Cuddy as well. She looked even mais apprehensive than Wilson when she called after him, she even followed him for a few steps, saying something like moving on and life being cruel to us but it goes on. But he kept pacing.
He passed the janitor closet, the monitoring room, the doctors’ launch, the surgery rooms, the cafeteria, even the counter where the nurses eyed him suspiciously; he found no comfort in any of those places. They were all so full of Cameron. He wanted a Cameron-free place. Even his white casaco was full of her scent. It made his skin itch for her fingers on his hands.
He shook off the idea. He desperately tried to stop the hammering memories that pounded in his head as he passed their anterior happy life.
He didn’t know how. He suddenly found himself on the roof. With his white casaco on the floor beside him, and the invitation almost tore in half in his right hand. He breathed the fresh air. Cameron-free. And suddenly he realized that it was not. Even here they had some old, very blurry memory. Not romantic, just something that reminded him of her again. It was that day, almost seven years before, when they had a complicated case and a teenage boy was about to throw himself off the roof because of his hallucinations.
He laughed a humorless, loud laugh. How ironic. Every corner of his life was revolved around her. He couldn’t think of going any place he liked without remembering her.
But he wasn’t going to leave now. He was tired of walking, and he knew it was no use. He’ll see her everywhere. He sat on the bench, taking the risk of falling if he backed the tiniest bit. It didn’t matter anymore. Life no longer meant anything. It was over. No one loved him. No one will miss him. But he just wasn’t Valente enough to throw himself. Or maybe he was smart enough to realize that it was stupid.
Chase sank in his memories, unable to think of anything other than the pain he’s been through after the divorce, and the fact that Cameron had gotten over it so easily and is already getting re-married. He closed his eyes recalling their own wedding. Simple, and cozy with only the people they truly loved. He wondered who Henry Cusack was, it sounded so British… for some reason. Staring absently at the fancy invitation, he correctly guessed that the wedding would be huge. He saw Cameron walking down the aisle of a fancily decorated church, dressed in a huge white vestido that she could barely walk with, that will definitely jerk every eye in her direction.
The torturing image was suddenly torn, and Chase awoke from his fantasies at the voice of the roof’s door cracking open. Remy or Thirteen as everyone liked to call her appeared wearing a sympathetic expression that she quickly concealed and wore a blank one instead. She stood in front of him motionless for a few minutes, but what seemed like ages to them. She wanted so much to run and hug him. Make everything ok. Whip that agonized expression from his face. He wanted to collapse into her arms and cry out his pain. She was his friend, his only friend, and mais than anything he wanted her now. But they both could not act on what they desired. They did not know where the boundaries of their friendship were.
‘You’re not thinking about jumping, are you?’ Thirteen asked finally
‘No’ Chase said calmly ‘Not anymore’
‘Then why are you here?’ she kept her voice composed
‘I don’t know’ Chase said slowly
‘You know you almost drove us crazy. We’ve been looking for you for about two hours’
‘Has it been this long? I must’ve lost the track of time’ Chase answered absently
A moment of awkward silence passed as Chase stared down at the floor and Thirteen let her worried expression surface. Was there any way to make him feel better? She thought how could she do this to him? How could she do this to this wonderful man?
Chase’s gaze met Thirteen’s meaningfully. She strolled towards him and silently sat beside him taking his hand in her own.
‘Do you want to talk about it’ she almost whispered
‘I don’t think there’s anything to say’ his eyes formed tears.
‘Please Chase, don’t let it bother you’ she finally said sympathetically ‘it does not worth it. Life goes on. She decided to mover on so should you’
‘You don’t understand’ tears rolled from his eyes ‘I loved her mais than anything. I love her mais than anything. It was such a shock that she suddenly left. She barely explained. How could she do this to me? Walk out on me so simply and knock down everything we had together in a glimpse of an eye and then just as quickly get married, like it did not even matter from the first place’
‘Of course it mattered’ Thirteen reassured him placing her hand on his back comfortingly ‘Of course she loved you. What happened could have happened to any relationship. Bad things happen to any of us but they might lead to something good. It all goes chaotically in a way we don’t understand. But no matter how much it hurts it cannot destroy you. I’m sure something better is waiting for you right around the corner, even if it does not seem like it right now.’
He gave her one long agonized look that melted her heart, and sent pain through her body. He broke. He cried like a baby and all she could do was hold him tight, trying to ease his pain. She, too, cried for him, wanting so badly to erase the damage that’s been already done.
