Why Do You Expect Me to Help You? Did You Forget What You Have Done to Me?
It was summer, and I was sitting outside with Allen, talking about nothing. Just then, Uncle Bob called for me to come inside. When I came in, he said, "Pastor Thomas is on the phone. He asked to speak with you." I said, "Tell him I died." Uncle Bob said, "I don't think he'd fall for that." Reluctantly, I picked up the phone. "Hello," I said. Pastor Thomas said, "Hello, John. Is that you?" I said, "Yeah. Who's to know?" He said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I need your help. Lately, I have been having trouble keeping control of my church." I found it amusing, and I was tempted to say, "What goes around comes around, huh!" Instead, I said, "Go on." He said, "We were getting new designs for our stained glass windows, and half of the congregation said that they wanted the windows to have biblical characters. The other half said that they didn't. What should I do?" I said, "Wait a minute. You're calling for my help, because your church is fighting over something stupid like stained glass windows?! You're not so different from the Lilliputians from Gulliver's Travels." Pastor Thomas said sarcastically, "I miss your sense of humor, John. Do you miss it, too?" I said, "That wasn't a joke." He said, "Just help me." I said, "After what you did to me, you expect me to help you." He said, "Yes." I asked, "Are you forgetting that you tried to kill me?" He said, "I'm sorry. That was out of line." I said, "If you want my advice, just get one type of stained glass window. If the church doesn't like it, they can get over it." He said, "Thanks, John. I knew you would come to forgive me." I said, "It wasn't easy." He asked me if I stopped listening to rock music. I said, "That's never going to change." He said, "You know what, I wish you were dead! You don't deserve to live!" He hung up. I said, "Jerk of all jerks! He pretends to change his attitude, and then he tells me that I don't deserve to live." That night, I had another nightmare. Since Pastor Thomas attempted to kill me, I had been having nightmares every now and then, but this one was terrible. I was walking in a forest, and I saw the ghost of my dog, Beatle. I was happy to see my dog again. In typical dog fashion, he urged me to follow him. I said, "I'm coming, Beatle!" I then heard my father calling my name. I said, "I'm coming, Father! I'm coming!" por the time I got up the hill, my father had disappeared. Just then, Pastor Thomas stabbed me in the back. Lying on the cold ground, bleeding, I saw visions of demons, the devil, and Hell. Some vultures circled over me, waiting on me to die. I closed my eyes and died. When I woke up, I saw nothing but darkness. I screamed until I realized that I was in my bedroom. I took deep breaths and said to myself, "It's okay, John. You're still alive. It was only a nightmare." I got up and turned on the television. Uncle Bob came into the living room. He said, "John, it's 5:00 am. Are you all right?" I said, "No, I had a terrible nightmare." He asked, "What was it?" I told him what happened in the dream. He hugged me. He said, "Pastor Thomas will never get you, not if I have anything to do with it." I said, "Really?" He said, "Of course! I'd do anything for my favorito nephew." I said, "I'm your only nephew." He said, "That's why I'd do anything for you." I smiled. He then added, "And do you honestly think John Lennon would let that happen to you?" I said, "Of course not!" After a moment of silence, I said, "Hold it! How do you know John Lennon is my spirit guide?" Uncle Bob said, "I've heard you talking with him when you thought I wasn't around." I smiled and thought about my spirit guide. Having John Lennon for a spirit guide made me feel like the luckiest guy alive.
It was summer, and I was sitting outside with Allen, talking about nothing. Just then, Uncle Bob called for me to come inside. When I came in, he said, "Pastor Thomas is on the phone. He asked to speak with you." I said, "Tell him I died." Uncle Bob said, "I don't think he'd fall for that." Reluctantly, I picked up the phone. "Hello," I said. Pastor Thomas said, "Hello, John. Is that you?" I said, "Yeah. Who's to know?" He said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I need your help. Lately, I have been having trouble keeping control of my church." I found it amusing, and I was tempted to say, "What goes around comes around, huh!" Instead, I said, "Go on." He said, "We were getting new designs for our stained glass windows, and half of the congregation said that they wanted the windows to have biblical characters. The other half said that they didn't. What should I do?" I said, "Wait a minute. You're calling for my help, because your church is fighting over something stupid like stained glass windows?! You're not so different from the Lilliputians from Gulliver's Travels." Pastor Thomas said sarcastically, "I miss your sense of humor, John. Do you miss it, too?" I said, "That wasn't a joke." He said, "Just help me." I said, "After what you did to me, you expect me to help you." He said, "Yes." I asked, "Are you forgetting that you tried to kill me?" He said, "I'm sorry. That was out of line." I said, "If you want my advice, just get one type of stained glass window. If the church doesn't like it, they can get over it." He said, "Thanks, John. I knew you would come to forgive me." I said, "It wasn't easy." He asked me if I stopped listening to rock music. I said, "That's never going to change." He said, "You know what, I wish you were dead! You don't deserve to live!" He hung up. I said, "Jerk of all jerks! He pretends to change his attitude, and then he tells me that I don't deserve to live." That night, I had another nightmare. Since Pastor Thomas attempted to kill me, I had been having nightmares every now and then, but this one was terrible. I was walking in a forest, and I saw the ghost of my dog, Beatle. I was happy to see my dog again. In typical dog fashion, he urged me to follow him. I said, "I'm coming, Beatle!" I then heard my father calling my name. I said, "I'm coming, Father! I'm coming!" por the time I got up the hill, my father had disappeared. Just then, Pastor Thomas stabbed me in the back. Lying on the cold ground, bleeding, I saw visions of demons, the devil, and Hell. Some vultures circled over me, waiting on me to die. I closed my eyes and died. When I woke up, I saw nothing but darkness. I screamed until I realized that I was in my bedroom. I took deep breaths and said to myself, "It's okay, John. You're still alive. It was only a nightmare." I got up and turned on the television. Uncle Bob came into the living room. He said, "John, it's 5:00 am. Are you all right?" I said, "No, I had a terrible nightmare." He asked, "What was it?" I told him what happened in the dream. He hugged me. He said, "Pastor Thomas will never get you, not if I have anything to do with it." I said, "Really?" He said, "Of course! I'd do anything for my favorito nephew." I said, "I'm your only nephew." He said, "That's why I'd do anything for you." I smiled. He then added, "And do you honestly think John Lennon would let that happen to you?" I said, "Of course not!" After a moment of silence, I said, "Hold it! How do you know John Lennon is my spirit guide?" Uncle Bob said, "I've heard you talking with him when you thought I wasn't around." I smiled and thought about my spirit guide. Having John Lennon for a spirit guide made me feel like the luckiest guy alive.