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2. Make all or most of your characters really, really, really boring and unlikable. If the audience doesn't wanna strangle the characters por the end of the movie, then you're doing it wrong.
3. Hire really horrible songwriters to write awful songs with atrocious lyrics.
4. Auto-tune the sh*t out of the songs. If your songs don't sound like they have the entire world's worth of auto-tune on them, then you're doing it wrong.
5. Hire really, really bad singers to sing your awful songs. The maximum amount of good singers you can have is two or three at most.
6. Cast really bad actors who are hammy, over-the-top, and talentless. If you don't have at least one actor who seems like he/she just came out of a basic high school atuação class, then YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
7. End the movie with a cliffhanger por having a character hint at a sequel. This is absolutely crucial. If you don't have someone say "You didn't think this was the end of the story, did you?", then YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG, DAMN IT.
8. Make sure your movie is chock-full of plot holes. Your movie absolutely needs to have PLOT HOLES GALORE to maximize the amount of confusion and idiocy.
9. Repeat ad nauseum. Pretty soon, you'll have fourteen of these things under your cinto, correia (just like Land Before Time!), and the little kids will be eating it up like chocolate cake.
Follow these steps, and you, too, can be successful without even trying!
