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Hey, I need honest opinion on how I write and where I need to improve, this is a part of one of the stories I've written. Thanks to anyone who can help. =)


Fallenfeather wove through a dark, leafy forest, sunlight just barely filtered through. He walked confidently through the spiralling trees, all of his sense trained to catch the deer in the clearing ahead. As the chocolate brown lobo neared his goal, he sunk lower and stared with bright cerulean eyes at the swift-footed dear ahead of him. His muscles tensed as he prepared to leap after the small deer when suddenly a silver shape charged past him. The deer turned it’s head in time to see a small silver lobo flying towards it, it’s eyes widened in fear then it broke into a run. Fallenfeather snarled in annoyance and followed the silver wolf. The offender gave one last push off the ground, stretched her paws out- and missed; the deer hared away as the lobo tumbled to the ground. Fallenfeather finally caught up to the surprised she wolf,
    “What do you think your doing? That was my kill, Breezewhisper!” Fallenfeather snapped. Breezewhisper turned gold eyes on him and frowned
    “I was obviously going for that deer! You were in my way!” Breezewhisper growled irritably, “Besides, everyone knows you couldn’t catch a rabbit if the whole Clan depended on it!” she added the last part sardonically, hoping to goad him into a fight. Fallenfeather narrowed his eyes,
    “The whole Clan does depend on it! You should know better than to just go galumphing after a deer!” Breezewhisper ignored him and instead rose clumsily to her paws and shook out her coat.
    “I’ll tell mother about this! I’ll tell her about how you distracted me from making a great catch for FrostClan!” she teased, flicking her fluffy tail in Fallenfeather’s face as she walked past. Fallenfeather watched as she disappeared into the trees, he curled his lip in anger, Breezewhisper could be so obnoxious!
    Fallenfeather grumbled silently to himself and began to follow Breezewhisper’s trail. His brown pele, peles lightly brushed against the foliage as he picked up his pace until the grama began to thin out and open out onto rock. Ahead, a small cliff rose jaggedly, a large antro, den was in the middle of it. From the cliff streamed edges and outcrops with small dens that seemed to be scooped out with a giant paw underneath. This was what his Clan referred to as ‘the hollow’, his Clan was a clan that moved within it’s own territory, taking shelter in the southern section of their territory; where there were countless trees, in the fury of winter.
    Stealthily slipping through the long grassy area in the blossoming spring. But no matter where they went the Clan always seemed to pool back towards the hollow. The most extraordinary thing about his Clan and the other Clans that were near by, was that they could shape shift. Mind, it took a lot of focus to do so, and the larger the form the mais energy it took. Lately, a lot of lobos had taken a fancy to cat forms, it usually took long weeks of practice and commitment, but many of the lobos in his headstrong Clan had their coração set on their own agile cat forms. The most easiest form to master was a human form, which their seer, Skysong, was almost always in.
     As Fallenfeather bounded ahead a leopard came running, he wasn’t looking where he was going and crashed into Fallenfeather. Fallenfeather growled in warning and the leopard immediately jumped up, licking his disheveled fur. He glanced self-consciously around.
    “I’m sorry, Fallenfeather! Are you Ok?” the leopard seemed to barely be paying attention to what was going on, but after a minuto of silence on Fallenfeather’s part he refocused and smoothed Fallenfeather’s pele, peles with a tentative paw. Fallenfeather collected himself and stood up,
    “I’m fine, Coldsnap, just... pay attention to what your doing seguinte time” Fallenfeather rumbled lamely. Coldsnap nodded, then hurried around Fallenfeather, his tail lashing. Fallenfeather sighed wearily, then continued into the camp. He could already see Breezewhisper’s tail swishing some fronds that were close to the main den, her mouth was open in complaint and a scowl sparked in her eyes.
    “It’s not fair! I want to go! This is favouritism! Baseless favouritism!” Breezewhisper was wailing. Fallenfeather cocked his ears forward, wondering what was going on. A beige lobo with white paws and a dark brown ring around her muzzle appeared from the shadows of the centered den. It was their mother, Windsong.
    “It’s not favouritism, it is Blazefire’s commands, she is the alpha and you must adhere to her wishes, now hush, you are very young and would not understand.” Windsong huffed, then she raised a paw and ushered Breezewhisper aside with a “don’t disturb Blazefire” look. Breezewhisper growled and skulked to spot underneath an outcrop of rock where she could sulk in peace. Fallenfeather flicked his tail, he and his littermates were 7 months old, speaking of which, his brother poked his nose out of the antro, den closest to Breezewhisper. He was a white lobo with a black dorsal stripe running down his back, from his nose to the tip of his tail. Black marks stretched around esmeralda eyes as well. His pele, peles stuck out at every angle like thistles, it was always like that, as if it was drawn por some force and no matter how much you tried to lick it into place it stayed spiked. His name was Lionfrost. Lionfrost twitched his nose before approaching Breezewhisper, he gazed down at her then lied down beside her. They pressed closer together than began to whisper to each other. Fallenfeather moved closer, hoping to be apart of their conversation. Breezewhisper noticed. She snapped her head towards him,
    “What do you want?” she snapped.
    “I want to know what’s going on, you two always seem to know things I don’t!” Fallenfeather answered back, his pele, peles bristling slightly. Breezewhisper’s ears swivelled around. She glared silently at the ground.
    “ Blazefire is sending a group from FrostClan to StormClan to warn them to stay away from our territory!”
HEY,
I DID NOT WRITE THIS STORY MY BRO DID, HOPE YOU LIKE IT


15 years ago, mankind found that there was mais than the world showed us. There was another world where creatures of all appearances were hiding, the creatures made a deal with the humans that if they let them live in the human world as normal citizens they would help the humans deal with deceases and technology. They agreed but the humans decreed that all monsters must hid in a human form, this was no shock to the creatures and it was agreed that man and monster would live as one, as long as the monsters keep their true form a secret....
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I loved her.

As much as I hated her now I had loved her then.
But I had a problem now. The hate was getting in the way of my whole life. It was like this shadow that was always two steps behind me waiting to lash out. I did what I thought would help. Ignored it. And guess what? It just got worse. It got to the point where I was cold to everyone. My friends tiptoed around me or avoided me altogether. My hatred and anger were controling my life. I should have asked for help but I was way to stubborn for that. Why would I need to talk to a shrink? They were for crazy people. So, after a few weeks...
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I was sitting on the floor along the outside of the gymnasium. It was the night of the winter dance and I just had the most embarassing moment that anybody could ever experience. After being rejected por Mr. Popularity, cheated on por my date, and the nasty, rude encounter with Ms. Popularity, I never wanted to show my face at school again.

The tears were just coming down. They wouldn't stop. Each time I tried to hold them in, mais tears came down. I sniffled, hoping that they weren't so loud. They were just as loud as ever.

Suddenly, somebody was out of the door. I crawled into a mini hallway....
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posted by EminemAddict09
 Marshall
Marshall
    I was on break at work, when my friend Becky came running into the room jumping up and down, waving her arms about with three strips of paper in her hand. I work at Ladybug Child Care in Minnesota. “MELEAH!” she screamed. I stared at her annoyed. “I won, I won, I won!!” she screamed causing our coworkers to stare at her like shes nuts. Which was pretty funny, because she is nuts. Haha.
“Won what?” I asked annoyed at her freakishly hyperness.
“Tickets!” she said with a huge smile, he handed me a ticket. I stared at it.
“Oh, uh… oh,” I said. I didn’t...
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posted by BiteMeCullen107
It was only a couple minutos after the reception and Aunt Alice was practically jumping out of her skin. “Esme can we show them please, please, please?” Aunt Alice begged. “Ok but calm done Alice we don’t want to give it away.” Grandma told Aunt Alice. They tied a peace of cloth around Jacob and my eyes. We walked a mile and Grandma and Aunt Alice took of the blindfolds. Jacob and I stood in front of a beautiful three story house. “Grandma, Aunt Alice its beautiful. Thank you so much.” I said turning back to them giving them both the biggest hug I’ve ever given any one. They...
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posted by TeamRosalieHale
3: Cry Little Sister

Rosalie and Alice had finished hunting and were slowly walking through the forest, a good 100, 150 miles from home. Alice turned her head to the darkening sky and tilted it carefully, listening almost. “It’s going to rain soon” she said, looking at Rosalie.
“What a surprise” she muttered, keeping her eyes forward. Alice sighed and Rosalie untied and retied her long blonde hair for what had to be the millionth time that day. “Ready?” she asked Alice, stopping and getting ready to run. She nodded and just before they were to take off, they heard a long high...
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The wind blowing through my hair was an exhilarating feeling. Jasper had taught me how to ride his bike a couple of months ago; I was surprised when he said yes because he was usually quite responsible. I hadn’t been much good at first but after a few hours I had got the hang of it, no one else knew that I could ride his bike and it was nice to be able to take it out for a private drive now and again.
When I reached Forks, instead of slowing down I sped up, making sure no one saw me. I parked outside the chemist and rushed inside. I knew that I had to do this but my stomach was filled with...
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posted by djsheshe
I know the way it eats your mind
The way your brain, eaten up
The one that leaves you silent, blind
Long after you've had enough

I know the way it devours your thoughts
The way you feel confused
It feels like a million knots
It leaves you feeling used

I know the way it stabs your coração
The way it leaves you here to bleed
It makes quite sure to tear you apart
The time you really need

I know the way it hurts your feelings
The way it leaves you blue
You say you see, when not really seeing
You say you know, but that's not true

I know the way you try and hide it
But then you know you'll always find it
In the trees and in the gravel
This lie you call friendship, I can't unravel.
 I very slightly opened my eyes to peek past my fear, watching those bright blue eyes take hold along my neck, then the silk lips press against my flesh.
I very slightly opened my eyes to peek past my fear, watching those bright blue eyes take hold along my neck, then the silk lips press against my flesh.
I was turned back in a time where I was extremely young, and didn't have the silver locks of hair that I have now. No, then I was a black soul, and even now I don't think there is any emotion in me. I was certain, even when I was human or vampire, that I had a heart, but there was no certainty that I had pure emotions, anything that expressed a positive feeling towards another. Only when I realized those green eyes that resembled a cat's, lithe and ferocious but yet gentle, all at once, did I overcome the mirthing shadows in my coração and defined a brighter side of me, the light. It took me...
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posted by Fangirl99
As Vanessa walked into the spooky house,she looked for Dr.Vamp.

"hello?is anybody here?hello?"

"Good evening,"a voice called out sounding a lot like Dracula.

"huh?whos that?"Vanessa asked the voice with no body.

"Turn around."called the voice

so she did,and turned to a white man with very pale skin,and red lip stick

"come,sit."said the white man,pointing to his chair.

"Hello,i am Dr.Vamp.Who do we have here?"

"My name is Vanessa Colorado,and ive been experiencing strange behavior."

"mhm,like what?"

"well,at school today,i bit someones arm"

"Did blood come out"

"a little"

"were there marks?"

" yes,tiny ones,though."...
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Please read the other chapters and tell me whether this is any good or not. And if you don't like it, please give constructive critisicm.



The last of the jantar guests poured out of Joseph Warren's house. He didn't have jantar parties often because they usually resulted in fight's between two different people or parties with extremely different political views. Fortunately, their was only one, small conflict on whether America should be fighting communism in other coutries or not. Joeseph of course took the side of fighting communism, and so did a couple of others. But most of the other people...
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He looked at me with his eyes so soft and green,
My thoughts immediately became obscene.
He smiled and I turned all squishy inside,
My mind tried to run away and hide, but
My body couldn't refuse the notion
His eyes proofed my feelings otherwise.
We walked on the de praia, praia hand in hand,
are feet delighted in the soft warm sand.
We could smell the sweet scent of desire on one another
As we drifted off into paradise.

The ocean was sparkling with delight, on this glorious afternoon.
The sun was set above the cloudless horizon. The summarily, briskly air filled my surroundings with temptation.
As I adventured...
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 Sakura Haruno From naruto Punching naruto Uzumaki
Sakura Haruno From Naruto Punching Naruto Uzumaki
1.Lloyd2-I Just Got Real Close To Him In The Past 5 Hours.

2.Hidanfan-She's Real Funny, Cool To Chat In The Chatroom With, And She's Just Plain Awesome! We Even Created A Spot Called "Giovannimtz&Hidanfan" I Thought Of The Idea, She Made It! I Also Created Her A Spot Called "Hidanfan" She's Also Obsessed With Hidan From Naruto.

3.Akatsuki_Otaku-She Loves The akatsuki From naruto Like I Do. I Was Her First fã And She's Fun To Chat With Like Hidanfan.

4.Bond_Of_Fury-I Also Got Close To Him In The Past 2 Hours, Lol.

5.Rusty746454-She Was My Bff On fanpop But She Started To Stop Going On Fanpop...
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This is my take on love,it came to me about two years ago,then it was just a phrase,i came up with the poem later on.:)I hope you like it,please Review it.Critisism is welcome-but no Flames pls.thanks bye!


Love Is A Tortured Soul

Love is a tortured soul.
Drenched in the bearing of it’s kind, and the lost.
For it gets lost quite easily; it’s naïve and foolish-desperate.
Love is a tortured soul.
It’s always there, waiting for you to find it in it’s dark dim home, longing for another of it’s kind to relate and confide to.
They come sometimes, or so it thinks.
It’s always being teased by...
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posted by ashesandwine
Sorry for not posting this earlier but I post them on my spot and forget to post them here... so to be mais updated please cadastrar-se my spot and read them as they are ready:P
Thanks to Patrisha727 for helping with the start of the letter...
Thanks to Emmett4ever for the first push...
And thanks to everyone for the support...



"Catherine's POV"

Now I know we have a change... Now I now we can fight... Fight for our love, fight for our life, fight for each other... We are no longer two apaixonados drawn apart, we are two apaixonados fighting for their love...
See the light in the end of the tunnel? It's me guiding...
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Chapter 2 - New Boy

    I was hyperventilating as my angel walked past me on to his first class. He walked into the door of Mr. Emmi’s class, which was also my first class. I learned that my anjos name is Stefan. His sisters names were Colleen and Carmen. His brothers, Jacob and Leo.
    His voice was heavenly. Sweet and daring. He walked to the last empty desk. It was beside me. I moved my bolsa from off the desktop and smiled at him politely. His answering smile made me hyperventilate again. I could have sworn I heard him chuckle.
    We...
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After eating breakfast Jacob and I went up to our room to get dressed. Finding the closet was pretty easy because there are only two doors in our room, the bathroom and the closet. “Oh. My. Gosh. Alice went way over board with this.” Jacob said in a normal tone. I walked over and looked in the closet and she did. It was the size of my parents bedroom back at there house. Jacob and I had our own sides. Aunt Alice hadn’t put any of Jake’s or my clothes in the closet she bought all new clothes for us. We walked in to find something simple to wear but that was impossible with Aunt Alice...
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SAD

When I was ten years old and i was playing b-ball and i broke my foot so we waited till the seguinte day,my grama tok me cuz my mom and dad had to work,so we went and got the cast.
Then my grama&me went to a store it was right seguinte to wal-mart and we walked around then i had to go to the bath room,the store had no bath room,so i told my grama and she still had to pay for her stuff so she said just go,so i walked in my bran-new crutches never used them before.
when i walked in the store i tripped on the stupid wal-mart rugg,i could not get up and i new my grama was not going to be here...
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posted by Kimi4312
heres a song about me and my boyfriend enjoy :)Lyrics:
As a very small girl, I met a boy, hes so sweet,

I was shy and he wasn't, he always watch out,

He never left my side, I never left his side,

Because we're stuck together,

Always be stuck together,

His new girlfriend showed up but I don't like her,

He is blinded por her but I know her amor is a lie,

I seen him being unhappy everyday since she show

But I ask oi wanna hang out at my house,

Then he said yeah and we start hanging out,

We are stuck together and always will be,

I have been stuck to his side forever,

Then we been playing video games and laughing,...
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I starred down at the skinny "liar" in my hands.I couldn't be pregnant.Pregnancy test could be wrong right?At that moment I didn't know whether i should scream or pass out."What happened to perfect little Annie?" I thought to myself."The one who had gotten into a ivy league school and would be attending in the fall?Well she was gone now,along with her virginity."
In case you hadn't figured it out already,I'm Annie,Annie Green and I'm PREGNANT!Shivers went down my spine as the words echoed in my head.This was my fault;and Emett's of course.Emett is the "thing's" father."That's even if I have...
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