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Hey, I need honest opinion on how I write and where I need to improve, this is a part of one of the stories I've written. Thanks to anyone who can help. =)


Fallenfeather wove through a dark, leafy forest, sunlight just barely filtered through. He walked confidently through the spiralling trees, all of his sense trained to catch the deer in the clearing ahead. As the chocolate brown lobo neared his goal, he sunk lower and stared with bright cerulean eyes at the swift-footed dear ahead of him. His muscles tensed as he prepared to leap after the small deer when suddenly a silver shape charged past him. The deer turned it’s head in time to see a small silver lobo flying towards it, it’s eyes widened in fear then it broke into a run. Fallenfeather snarled in annoyance and followed the silver wolf. The offender gave one last push off the ground, stretched her paws out- and missed; the deer hared away as the lobo tumbled to the ground. Fallenfeather finally caught up to the surprised she wolf,
    “What do you think your doing? That was my kill, Breezewhisper!” Fallenfeather snapped. Breezewhisper turned gold eyes on him and frowned
    “I was obviously going for that deer! You were in my way!” Breezewhisper growled irritably, “Besides, everyone knows you couldn’t catch a rabbit if the whole Clan depended on it!” she added the last part sardonically, hoping to goad him into a fight. Fallenfeather narrowed his eyes,
    “The whole Clan does depend on it! You should know better than to just go galumphing after a deer!” Breezewhisper ignored him and instead rose clumsily to her paws and shook out her coat.
    “I’ll tell mother about this! I’ll tell her about how you distracted me from making a great catch for FrostClan!” she teased, flicking her fluffy tail in Fallenfeather’s face as she walked past. Fallenfeather watched as she disappeared into the trees, he curled his lip in anger, Breezewhisper could be so obnoxious!
    Fallenfeather grumbled silently to himself and began to follow Breezewhisper’s trail. His brown pele, peles lightly brushed against the foliage as he picked up his pace until the grama began to thin out and open out onto rock. Ahead, a small cliff rose jaggedly, a large antro, den was in the middle of it. From the cliff streamed edges and outcrops with small dens that seemed to be scooped out with a giant paw underneath. This was what his Clan referred to as ‘the hollow’, his Clan was a clan that moved within it’s own territory, taking shelter in the southern section of their territory; where there were countless trees, in the fury of winter.
    Stealthily slipping through the long grassy area in the blossoming spring. But no matter where they went the Clan always seemed to pool back towards the hollow. The most extraordinary thing about his Clan and the other Clans that were near by, was that they could shape shift. Mind, it took a lot of focus to do so, and the larger the form the mais energy it took. Lately, a lot of lobos had taken a fancy to cat forms, it usually took long weeks of practice and commitment, but many of the lobos in his headstrong Clan had their coração set on their own agile cat forms. The most easiest form to master was a human form, which their seer, Skysong, was almost always in.
     As Fallenfeather bounded ahead a leopard came running, he wasn’t looking where he was going and crashed into Fallenfeather. Fallenfeather growled in warning and the leopard immediately jumped up, licking his disheveled fur. He glanced self-consciously around.
    “I’m sorry, Fallenfeather! Are you Ok?” the leopard seemed to barely be paying attention to what was going on, but after a minuto of silence on Fallenfeather’s part he refocused and smoothed Fallenfeather’s pele, peles with a tentative paw. Fallenfeather collected himself and stood up,
    “I’m fine, Coldsnap, just... pay attention to what your doing seguinte time” Fallenfeather rumbled lamely. Coldsnap nodded, then hurried around Fallenfeather, his tail lashing. Fallenfeather sighed wearily, then continued into the camp. He could already see Breezewhisper’s tail swishing some fronds that were close to the main den, her mouth was open in complaint and a scowl sparked in her eyes.
    “It’s not fair! I want to go! This is favouritism! Baseless favouritism!” Breezewhisper was wailing. Fallenfeather cocked his ears forward, wondering what was going on. A beige lobo with white paws and a dark brown ring around her muzzle appeared from the shadows of the centered den. It was their mother, Windsong.
    “It’s not favouritism, it is Blazefire’s commands, she is the alpha and you must adhere to her wishes, now hush, you are very young and would not understand.” Windsong huffed, then she raised a paw and ushered Breezewhisper aside with a “don’t disturb Blazefire” look. Breezewhisper growled and skulked to spot underneath an outcrop of rock where she could sulk in peace. Fallenfeather flicked his tail, he and his littermates were 7 months old, speaking of which, his brother poked his nose out of the antro, den closest to Breezewhisper. He was a white lobo with a black dorsal stripe running down his back, from his nose to the tip of his tail. Black marks stretched around esmeralda eyes as well. His pele, peles stuck out at every angle like thistles, it was always like that, as if it was drawn por some force and no matter how much you tried to lick it into place it stayed spiked. His name was Lionfrost. Lionfrost twitched his nose before approaching Breezewhisper, he gazed down at her then lied down beside her. They pressed closer together than began to whisper to each other. Fallenfeather moved closer, hoping to be apart of their conversation. Breezewhisper noticed. She snapped her head towards him,
    “What do you want?” she snapped.
    “I want to know what’s going on, you two always seem to know things I don’t!” Fallenfeather answered back, his pele, peles bristling slightly. Breezewhisper’s ears swivelled around. She glared silently at the ground.
    “ Blazefire is sending a group from FrostClan to StormClan to warn them to stay away from our territory!”
The picture on Linda's cama side mesa, tabela stared at her and she had had enough. Moving quickly she pulled her covers off and was slipping her feet into her runners.
Wearing the same thing she went to cama in, black tracksuits, a white long sleeve topo, início and a puma jumper, Linda left the house and made her way to the old hospital on foot.
The night was dark and shadows seemed to be following her every footsteps. The lights from the rua lamp didn't do much, only illuminating one círculo making each imagined shadow larger.
She had made it through two streets and one alley way but the constant thought...
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I could hear the noise droning softly in the nearby forest. A gurgling muffled cry that was slowly receding, becoming fainter. Usually I would ignore such sounds, but the desperate plea imbedded in the cries was enough to make me turn and listen, like some creature was calling me. Weird when I put it like that but that’s exactly what went through my mind when the first cry sounded, a blistering screeching scream.
I stumbled through the over growth, frantically trying to find the fonte of the sound before it faded with the gentle whisper of the wind. The forest around me was darkening quickly,...
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Have you been pining for a show in which beautiful, young sisters cadela, puta about each other and look for ways to faca each other in the back? If you answered yes to either question, then the sisters is for you.

Whoever wishes to keep a secret must hide the fact that he possesses one.

I sat there quietly listening to the sobs of an unfamiliar voice. “You can’t do that!” The woman’s voice screeched, and then there was a slight chuckle, almost as if the sobbing was amusing to the person. “Oh yes I can, and I just have” The voice who I now knew was young man’s voice. I looked back down...
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“Are you crazy telling her our true forms, what the hell man?” Shouted Opal. “Don’t worry, I’ll never tell anyone, I’m a Rokurokubi, which is also a type of demon, we demons should stick together” Said Mia. “Rokurokubi? I think I’ve heard of that type of creature, you come under the category of nocturnal, right” Said Opal trying to calm down. “I’m so glad you’ve heard of my race, that makes me so happy” Said Mia trying to hug Opal. “Opal has a vast knowledge of creatures from the other world” Said Alec. “Then you should do great in ‘Monster Protection Class’...
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posted by BellaSwan636
Shaun

"Your girlfriend called. She wanted to talk to you," Jason said.

I pushed past him and grabbed the phone. I punched in the correct numbers and Serena picked up on the first ring. She sounded as if she'd been crying.

"Are you alone?" she asked.
"Yes," I glanced at Jason's retreating form. He was going to basquetebol, basquete practice.
"It's important," she said, hesitantly.
"You can tell me," I said, patiently.
"God, I'm scared," she whispered.
"Of what?"

Suddenly, she screamed into the phone.

"What's wrong?" I asked.
"It's moving," she whispered again, sounding panicked.
"What is, Serena?" I probably...
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Hayden p.o.v
I sat there staring out into the cold city, one of the quirks with flying is you can go anywhere. I sighed and lay down; the floor was cold at the Empire state. “Why would I try to kiss her?” I asked myself. I shook my head. “You’re an idiot Hayden” I told myself. She didn’t have feelings for me after 3 days what the hell was I thinking? I asked myself again. Did I even have feeling for her? I mean I’m an angel I can’t do the things that most human boys can do. I sighed and got up; the sun was starting to come up, not that anyone in the anjos da noite slept. I looked...
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posted by DietCokeGirl
This is written about the perfect silence only found in the dead of night, and the feelings it inspires.
The título comes from the descrição a friend of mine gave when we were stuck in the middle of nowhere at midnight and I found it sort of beautiful.
Enjoy (I hope) :)

Weighted air and winking stars,
darkness draped, tension wrought.
This night, this hour, is ours.
Silence chimes unspoken thoughts
that choke my mouth.
Silver moonbeams in glittering outline
surround you, and in our youth
this night, this hour, we intertwine.




I'd amor to hear what you like or hate.
Thanks for reading.

DietCokeGirl
posted by TeamRosalieHale
17: Wheel in the Sky

Dying is not what most people think it is-nothing flashes before your eyes, there’s no white light or what have you. The only thing I felt was pain, the blood flowing through my camisa and fingers, making them sticky and beginning to form a casaco on my clothes. I couldn’t see much beyond the few feet in front of me, the sun had long such set and darkness had fallen on rápido, swift wings. There was one sound: my blood pulsing like it was right in my ears. Eventually I made it to the grama colina where I fell, too weak to walk another step.
While I lay there, certain I was destined...
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 "You know... I'm not...the one you love...so...that's why...it's time for me... to leave......" -Zelos
"You know... I'm not...the one you love...so...that's why...it's time for me... to leave......" -Zelos
There have been so many things that have happened to me in the past, present, and future, that I have had a hard time remembering them all. For a vampire, that would seem unbearably stupid; I mean, we live forever, so our brains should be mais adept at handling the hardcore memories. At times I actually thought I remembered my childhood, or even WWI if I took a deep thought into it. But no, the only thing that came into my mind as clearly as the darkness that surrounds me now is this:
Chloe's eyes.
Chloe Cassalani, the one person I knew from the start upon meeting, was a threat to me. The instant...
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posted by gossipgirlxoxo
Bobby’s p.o.v

After I had spent the night with Tayce I went back to the protector’s dorms, they weren’t as nice as the house or cleaner for that matter but it was a place to sleep. I noticed Kale sitting on his cama leitura some chapter book Belinda had recommended earlier this week. He looked up and smirked. “Where did you go?” he asked, I coughed and sat down seguinte him. “Walk” I said, his judgmental eyes followed mine. “Gee that was so convincing” He said, I playfully pushed him. “So what, it’s not like I’m the killer” I said, I could tell he believed me, but he still...
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Chapter 8: not a sweet life
I woke up with Damien's arms tightened around my naked chest.ewww eww eww eww, I swear I’ll kill him! i slid myself out of his grasp and flew to my closet I quietly wore something to escape from him while I was putting on my jeans I was thinking of some place where Damien cant find me, I really couldn’t think of any where so I grabbed my bag and headed to the door hope fully Damien was still sleeping I opened the door and quietly closed it behind me I rushed to my car when jasper interrupted me
-Bella what's wrong? Your so scared and worried.
Not a good timing please...
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The four of them started walking straight ahead, if this was a large creature you’d think you could spot the thing. Grito said they can be quite the handful and we can’t kill it, just capture it. “See anything yet?” Opal Asked. “Grass, lots and lots of grass” Marley Answered. After giving Marley an evil look, they continued through the field. Little did they know, this field, was no normal flied. “It’s about time, right?” Parvulo Asked. As Grito washed his face, he answered “Yeah, the field will break apart soon”. Just after Grito spoke the ground shook. “What was that?...
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posted by joe-edwardfan
Chapter 18
I opened my eyes I was not were I was before I fainted I was somewhere dark I could recognize the scents I was in italy!how did I get here
-oh dear Bella you finally are awake!we didn’t know if we will see you vampire alive again!
He came closer looking at my shocked and confused face then alec came in
-oh Bella your awake!
He came closer and hugged me like he was my best friend or something I didn’t want to offend him so I hugged him back
-what's going on?
I asked as I was pushing alec away
-oh Bella you were sleeping here for 100 years!and now you finally woke!
-i fainted for a 100...
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Skiro
My first class was chemistry and I sat in the segundo row seguinte to a skinny girl with short blond hair talking to another girl behind us. From their conversation I learned her name was Stacey and the other was Beonca and they were both cheerleaders.
The teacher started to talk about the rules and objectives for this ano but no one was paying attention,they were much mais interested in texting on their cell phones or passing notes to the person seguinte to them. I wasn't that interested in what the teacher said ether so my mind wondered off....
The sino woke me out of my dia dreams. As Stacey...
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posted by ashesandwine
Sorry for just posting it in this spot now:( If you want you can cadastrar-se my spot and leitura it as soon as it's ready:D


"Daniel POV"



We wrote so much letters to each other, even if we were just a few blocs away... I still remmember our first letter; I had so much to say, so much that I wanted her to know, how could I put all of my amor into one letter? So I said the only thing I could say:

"I only know that I belong where you are!"

Her response was something that I will never forget:

"You're my fragement of light in the end of the tunnel, you're my reason to fight when everything is getting dark..."...
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Narrator: Macbeth slowly entered the crept room were Duncan was sleeping soundly. Macbeth quietly began to reach for his sharpened dagger. Macbeth pondered many thoughts regarding the demise of Duncan, but never to this degree. Now, the time had come to fulfill the quest to be crowned king. Duncan suddenly returns to reality. Visualizing Macbeth por his bedside withholding a dagger pointed at his wretched chest. Would this mean the end of Macbeth’s planned tragedy or the end of Duncan’s existence?
Duncan: Cousin, why hast thou forsaken me?
Macbeth: Forsaken you? Thou hast forsaken me. Thou...
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posted by dragonrider
I pull into the parking lot of the country council men office and get out. Hmm what should I do with Elliot? I can't leave him in the car he'll die of heat. I could leave the air on. Nah I'll just put him behind stage when I talk to the councilmen.
I pull out Elliot and put him over my shoulder. Everybody is strong in the future.
Elliot murmurs something like "Oh I amor you too Starr!"
Aww how sweet. I take out duct tape and tape his mouth shut. Ahh that's much better
I carry Elliot towards the building and when I get inside I don't see Whitney. Hmm that's strange she works here shouldn't...
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Charactors:

Hayley Williams
Taylor York
Zac Farro
Jeremy Davis
Josh Farro
Lacey Mosely
Lady GaGa
Kanye West
Soulja Boy
Joe Jonas
Zac Efron
Erin
Dallas Winston(Dally)
Ponyboy Curtis
Alice Cullen
Mandy
--------------------------------------------------


Lady GaGa: Why don't we go out tonight?

Kanye: Can't show, concerto tonight.

Lady GaGa: Hayley?

Hayley: Ummmm depends.

Zac: Cum awn GaGa I'll go wit cha.



This is all I'm posting. I want to see if I get any responses first. : )
A sirens call…

Chapter 1: Purple Eyes?

First dia back never expected any class to be fun except maybe drama or music, I played the keyboard and my best friends hated música and as always they tried to avoid any conversation involving the shy girl who apparently has a beautiful cantar voice but some reason the girls flinch away from the sound of her voice even when talking yet all the guys – straight and bi – seem to be mesmerised like there was nothing else that mattered like there was a different entity involved. I have only heard her sing once when we were in eighth grade everyone either...
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My segundo super hero story. There are five characters and they meet the same person on different days. It takes five days for everybody to meet everybody. Keep in mind some of the powers the kids have are stupid but I tried to get powers that kids wouldn't have. Enjoy or not.

Preface (Very stupid now that I reread it)
In the ano 3112 a few adults had children that had super powers. I tracked them all down and they joined me in the battle of keeping the world alive. I tracked down the five children and they all have different powers. How do I know? I'm Physic and my name is Scott Bering.

Chapter...
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