Funny

-when you ask someone for something and they try to annoy you because they have it and you don't

-school, you're there for 7 hours a day, they give you work you have to do at início and you have almost no freedom

-JB, 1D, big time rush

-when your friends call saying they'll come over and never show up

-you like something your friend doesn't like so they HAVE to complain and say it sucks

-getting no freedom at your own início and being controlled por your parents

-crab cake

-girly things

-uptight people who can't stand jokes and practically spit in your face if you make one "dirty" or "wrong" joke

-overprotective...

Katniss:

Peeta and I had just won the Hunger Games. A televised fight to the death. My sister, Prim, had been picked to be in the Games, so I took her place. Now I was at início with her and my mother. Peeta was living in a house near me. We had pretended to be in amor for the Games so we would both win. I don’t really amor him, but I think that he really does amor me. Well, now everything is normal. Prim, my mother, Peeta, and I are fine. Everything is different, though. I had been so used to living in the Seam, that all of these luxuries from winning the Games seem abnormal and unusual to...

ATTENTION PEOPLES OF HOGWARTS AND BEAUBATONS AND DURMSTRANG AND PIGFARTS AND ALL YOU MUGGLES INBETWEEN! I AM CHANGING THE STORY LINE PLOT THINGY FROM AL QUEDA ATTACKING AMERICA TO A WIZARDS BATTLE! PLEASE STILL ENJOY THE ORIGINAL AND TAKE CARE! I WILL POST THE NEW VERSION SOON!


This is a aleatório book I was composição literária about Al Queda attacking America, and I got the idea from my friend, who had a nightmare, and said I could write a book or something. This is the first chapter, so I'd amor it if you could post your thoughts about it, anything I could change, things you liked, things that didn't make...

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a ano plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:...

The vodka, vodca Hotline: 772-257-4492

Outsource-A-Breakup To India: 631-403-2029

Bible Stories in 60 Seconds: 240-258-4010

The "Free Marijuana" Hotline: 267-436-5129

The Divorce Hotline: 631-403-2016

IRS Tax Extension Help Line: 267-436-5139

The "Loud Talkin' Redneck" Hotline: 401-285-0705

A Life-Saving Message: 267-436-5115

"Twilight" Obsession Hotline: 973-409-3307

Ruminations: 631-403-2013

Tech-Support Hotline: 772-257-4678

Automated Sobriety Test: 781-452-3027

movie hotline 781-452-4066

Gay Marriage debate Line: 413-497-0148

Beer Goggles Hotline: 954-482-4332

Your Status atualizações Are Annoying: 267-436-5224

"Travel...

I find homework to be arrogant and inefficient. Schools think they are so important that they can dictate whether or not the kid can have time after school for other, also important things. yeah, we learned all this in class and some kids didn't get it, but first of all, it is not like nobody else in the class understood it, segundo of all, they won’t get it any better without a teacher to help, and third of all, if they care enough to get anything out of their education anyway, they will ask somebody for help.
Of course, there are classes in which homework makes sense, such as my AP world...

1. Everytime your reach a new floor, scream "Glory hallelujah! We will reach the promised land!!!"

2. Interrogate people as if you worked for the FBI.

3. Make wild turkey noises and when people tell you to stop, say "You have no respect for animal rights, do you?"

4. Sing your favorito song and when people get annoyed, sing louder.

5. Follow aleatório people off and tell them what to buy every minuto or so. If you get in trouble, say you were helping the person make educated choices.

6. Press every button, and try and get off, then, speak into your colarinho, colar and say, "Houston, we have a problem, floor#__...

1. Take someone's shopping carrinho and switch the items with stuff from the person seguinte to them's carrinho
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _____
6. mover "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas....

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When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.

When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings início a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"

When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating..... A Single cama for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size cama feels like an army cot.

When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked....