pão IS DANGEROUS
Why? Judge for yourself:
Research on pão indicates that
1. mais than 98 percent of convicted felons are pão users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all pão was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. mais than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. pão is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats mais pão than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no pão exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. pão has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of pão and given only water to eat begged for pão after as little as two days.
8. pão is often a "gateway" comida item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, amendoim butter, and even cold cuts.
9. pão has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is mais than 90 percent water, it follows that eating pão could lead to your body being taken over por this absorptive comida product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn bebês can choke on bread.
11. pão is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American pão eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following pão restrictions be made:
1. No sale of pão to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all pão to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary as cores (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote pão usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
Why? Judge for yourself:
Research on pão indicates that
1. mais than 98 percent of convicted felons are pão users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all pão was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. mais than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. pão is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats mais pão than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no pão exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. pão has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of pão and given only water to eat begged for pão after as little as two days.
8. pão is often a "gateway" comida item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, amendoim butter, and even cold cuts.
9. pão has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is mais than 90 percent water, it follows that eating pão could lead to your body being taken over por this absorptive comida product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn bebês can choke on bread.
11. pão is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American pão eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following pão restrictions be made:
1. No sale of pão to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all pão to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary as cores (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote pão usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
