this is placed into the slot of when bella in eclipsed edward to not go fight and to stay EXCEPT I CHANGED A LITTLE MANOR THINGS... hehe
I waited for them to get back to me. I couldn't think of the names and even some of them i even meet and yet they are still willing to lose their life over me which scared me half to death. Im surpirsed im not already dead.
I asked , i cant even say his name in this moment, to stay behind for me. but he denied me. He wanted to end it himself with his own hands was his excuse. But i thought that perhaps he just wants some fun, even i find myself boring, maybe he did too.
I should be there. i dont want to be here while even as im thinking all this one of my family or friends has dying. Stop it Bella. i had to change my train of thought.
i decided i might sit and try fool myself into eating some leaft overs from last night
s caserole and maybe try seem interested in something thats on TV. Not that im counting on it.
It will ease charlie of suspension i supose. I fear that he has grown to know me better than i thought within the time i've been here.
I can't have him see through me and know im scared. But even when he did, he diddn;t not hover like he used to, he askes questions, i just dont want to answer right now.
I started eating my meal without eating it. I thought that jsut because i might bee scared doesn't mean i cant be comfortable. Thats not selfish right?
I slouched right into the root of the lounch and started flicking too fast throught the channels, i think my coração was catching on and trying to prove me out and put me back into panic for them. Man it's good. Stop it.
i settled on a show i quite frankly diddnt take notice of, something about making beaded bracelets, not really interested. Just to stick my tongue out at my heart.
But tugged harder on the rope in this little game of tugga-war and i collasped on my hearts feet.
I gasped escaped my mouth, unexpecting. A sudden kick in my stomach crashed through me, sending me off the lounch to hte cold floor. My breath escaped me leaving Winded.
For no apprent reason i felt like all meaning, amor and soul has been torn and ripped out of me.
"BELLA!" i heard Alice scream, through the front door. I still laid restless on the floor, i couldn't move. Like i had been paralyised.
"Bella! look at me!! look at me!" she screamed, racing to me side adn lifting me into her chilled lap. her eyes laid covered in her own tears, along with a strong smell of blood.
"Bella, im so sorry. i couldnt save him."
what. nor those words.
my whole body was starting the shake voilently like a fit i couldn't control. Alice's arms wound around mine and lifted me higher.