Dear tio cruze, here's to you. I throw my hands up in the air sometimes! Saying ayo!! Where'd my noooseee go? Love, voldemort.

Dear iPhone,
Please stop autocorrecting my rude words into nice ones, you ducking piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone user

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY


Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Damm! There go the lights again...

What's this doing here?

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Sterile, schemerle. The floor's clean, right?

What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Isn't this the guy with the really lousy insurance?

I will now post this EVERYWHERE. XD

OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!!!!1!1!11ONE!!

1. Hold your breath for 5 minutes!
2. Die.

link

Dear Princess Celestia,
Today, I heard a bad joke.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

(not supposed to be a joke)

"If I were an enzyme, I would be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes."

Atom 1: I think I lost an electron!
Atom 2: Are you sure?
Atom 1: I'm positive!


-Obvious nerd is obvious-

dear Deskull and kai lace,
I saw a woman stabing someone witha banana and then they got hit por a car as I ate ice cream.
sighed,
the unemployment office ans social health and care services.

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his mesa, tabela and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup, xícara de chá for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka, vodca on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka, vodca in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"

Dear Dumbledore, I'm really happy fer ya and im gonna let you finish, but I think Gandalf is the greatest wizard of all time.

~ sincerely Keya West

Dear mr.pussy cat i ate all of your baby cat and it was good haha pussy you cant get it back please like it