"Its like theres a party in my eye socket and everyones invited!...i shouldn't be able to say words"- Xander

that one makes me think of
"it's like theres a meat party in my mouth. Wow i'm young and even i know how wrong that sounds"-Dawn

do you have a musket? that man has a musket!-Buffy
you made a bear! undo it! undo it!-spike

Xander:(imitates Dracula's accent) where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? Vone, two, three — three victims. Mwah, ha, ha, ha!

There's loads...

Can't remember the ep, think it may be Surprise:

"Have I ever told you about the one where I take Buffy out for prime rib...and she cries!?" - Xander

Doppelgangland (when Buffy, Giles and Xander think Willow is dead):

Giles - "She was the best of all of us."
Xander - "Way better than me."
Giles - "Much, much better."

Season 5, the ep escapes me.

Buffy - "What are you doing here, 5 words or less?"

Spike - "Out for a walk...bitch."

Giles and Oz have all the best lines but for some reason every one that I know makes me laugh I can't think of right now...except this one from Living Conditions:

Buffy: "...so then Kathy's like, 'It's share time.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!'"
Oz: "So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her."
Buffy: "Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?"
Oz: "Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy."

i love the mime one my fave oz quotes is

Cordelia: i don't think there can be a crazier plan
oz: we attack the mayor with humus

i also love spike mini speech afterwards to Buffy where at the end he says "and you've got stupid hair too"

Couldn't have a quotes list without a Xander/Cordy exchange, from Innocence:

Cordelia: "This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer is a basket case... I'd say we've hit bottom."
Xander: "I have a plan."
Cordelia: "Oh, no, here's a lower place."

Yoko Factor (Purely for the way Giles says this)

Xander: "No! It was bad before that! Since you two went off to college and forgot about me! Just
left me in the basement to-- Tara's yourgirlfriend?"
Giles: "Bloody hell!"

anya: i want the dress... What? everyone was thinking it
Giles: i wasn't... i have it in blue

in once more with feeling theres a good one

(in song)
spike -first ill save here then i'll kill her
willow (looking puzzled)- i think this lines mostly filler

spike: (reading from coat jacket) made with care for randy. RANDY! RANDY GILES? why not just call me horny giles or desperate for a shag giles i knew there was a reason i hated you!"

"your not too old to put over my knee you know" -Giles
(in reponce to spike in Tabula Rosa)

Spike: You Englishmen are always so...Bloody hell! Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, oh God! I'm English!
GILES: Welcome to the nancy tribe.

After Riley pulls Giles out of the lair of the three sisters

Giles: oh! i left my shoe, silly me i'll just pop back and...
Riley: Ohno! no more chick pit for you!

dawn:found it, i think it pronounced m'fshnik like mmmm cookies

Xander: or maybe muh'fashnik like muh'fashnik

hey everybody its Giles!...with a chainsaw!-Xander

dont't taunt the fear deamon-Giles
why can it hurt me?-Xander
no, its just tacky- Giles

Giles-Oh, bloody hell, the inscription!
Buffy-What’s the matter?
Giles-I should have translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar
Buffy-What’s it say?
Giles-Actual size

The Puppet Show:

Snyder: Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days, 'discipline'. I know Principal Flutie would have said, 'Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.' That's the kind of woolly-headed, liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.

Lie To Me:

Willow: That's Angel.
Xander: He's Buffy's beau. Her special friend.
Ford: He's not in school, right? He looks older than her.
Xander: You're not wrong.

Buffy: This is Ford. We went to school together in L.A.
Angel: Nice to meet you.
Ford: Whoa! Cold hands!
Xander: You're not wrong.

i love the ending of lie to me!

Buffy: "Does it ever get easy?"
Giles: "You mean life?"
Buffy: "Yeah. Does it get easy?"
Giles: "What do you want me to say?"
Buffy: "Lie to me."
Giles: "Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after."
Buffy: "Liar."

I think that Spike and Willows quotes might generally be my favorite, but I love them all!

Spike: I love syphilis more than you.

Willow: A doodle. I do doodle. You too. You do doodle, too.

Spike: It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

Cordy has some good ones too.

Cordelia: What's going on? Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother.

Oh and I love this bit and the excitement he gets from the thought of what he could do.

Angelus: I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been such a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured someone, they didn't even *have* chainsaws.

buffy- spike have you completley lost your mind?
spike-well yes! where have you been all night

Xander- Well, give him a break, Buffy. Maybe it's a vicious skin-eating rock cliff.
spike- There's a cave in it. I'm insane. What's his excuse?

Some of mine, both from Season Two:

Snyder: There're some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually that would be one of the five.
(When She Was Bad)

Oz, eating animal crackers: Oh, look! Monkey! And he has a little hat. And little pants.
Willow: Yeah, I see!
Oz: The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that?-- You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen. (Willow is surprised, Oz breezes past it)-- So, I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity!" And you know the monkey's just, (French accent) "I mock you with my monkey pants!" And there's a big coup in the zoo.
Willow: The monkey is French?
Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?
(What's My Line Pt. 2)

And then, in "Surprise" (in Buffy's dream)

Willow: (about the organ grinder's monkey sitting next to her) L'hippo a pique' ses pantalons.
(Which means the hippo stole his pants) ;o)

love the translation! didn't know that


Anya: What a day. Gimme a beer.
Bartender: I.D.
Anya:I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a frickin' beer!
Bartender: I.D.
Anya:Gimme a Coke.

Surprise

Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting.
Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.
Oz: Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
Willow: Oh! I can't!
Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.
Willow: Oh, it's just it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party.
Oz: It's okay.
Willow: But you could come. If you want to.
Oz: Well, I don't wanna crash.
Willow: No, it's fine! Well, you could be m... my date.
Oz: All right. I'm in.
Willow: ...I said 'date'.

Xander: Buffy, I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on.
Jenny: I'd curb that impulse if I were you, Xander.
Xander: Check, cancel spanking.

a few of my fav funny buffy quotes are

"You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say undead American?"-said by buffy to angel


Buffy:"My Spidey sense is tingling."
Giles:"Your...Spidey Sense?"
Buffy:"Pop Culture references... Sorry."
-from episode I robot...you jane

Giles:"Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?"
Willow:"Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?" -Episode The witch

Willow:" It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and skanky. And I think I'm kind of gay." -from episode Dopplegangland (season 3)

Xander:" Hello, excuse me, but have you ever heard of knocking."
Jonathan:" We're supposed to get some books...on Stalin."
Xander:" Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?"
Giles:" This is a school library, Xander."
Xander:" Since when." - from episode passion

All of Whats my Line parts 1 and 2 is just pure genius heres a few of the goodens but i cunt fit the whole episode on, most of them are xander cordy lines there first kiss, so funny!

Willow: Don't worry, Buffy, we'll save Angel.
Kendra: Angel? But our priority is to stop Drusilla!
Xander: Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him.

Giles: There are forty-three churches in Sunnydale? That seems a little excessive.
Willow: It's the extra evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder.

Willow: There's a Slayer handbook?
Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Willow: Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool...

Cordelia: Oh, here I am. 'Personal shopper or motivational speaker.' Neato!
Xander: Motivational speaker? On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you?

Snyder: It's worth nothing, Harris. Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event.
Xander: Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you.

Buffy: You don't have to whisper. Mom's in L.A. till Thursday. Art buying or something .
Angel: Then, why'd you come in through the window?
Buffy: .... Habit.

Giles: You're behaving remarkably immaturely .
Buffy: You know why? I am immature. I'm a teen. I have yet to mature

Cordelia: What am I, mass transportation?
Xander: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker- room talk, I wouldn't pay it any mind .
Cordelia: Oh, great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag .
Xander: I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way

Cordelia: He looked normal!
Xander: What, is he supposed to have an arrow with the word 'assassin' over his head?

Xander: Oh, here we go. I am the bug man, coo-coo ka-choo

Xander: Okay, he can only be killed when he's in his disassembled state. Disassembled. That means when he's broken down into his little buggy parts.
Cordelia: I know what it means, dork head.
Xander: Dork head? You slash me with your words!

Xander: Well, it was dark! And the thing went through the window so quick, and I was a... little shocked when I saw it, and...
Cordelia: Go ahead. Say it. You ran like a woman.
Xander: Hey, if you saw this thing, you'd run like a woman, too.

Couple of minutes later...

Xander: What about me? What can I do?
Cordelia: Well, you could go out to the parking lot and practice running like a man.

xander- Xander: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak? (turns to see Angel) Hey man, how ya doin'?
Xander- he's our friend except that i don't like him

Xander - "They really are very good."

Oz - "Their spelling has improved."

Xander - "You know Oz, I look at all this beauty, and these health young women and I wonder why I ever wasted my time on Cordelia. I mean, look at her....she's no better looking than the rest of them."

Oz - "None of them are really my..."

Xander - "Oh my god!! He's looking at her! He's got his filthy, adult, pierce-brosny eyes all over my Cordy!"

Oz - "You're a very complex man, aren't you?"

Okay some of my favorites have already been mentioned but I can come up with a few more.

Tara: Don't hurt the horseys!
Buffy: Don't worry, we won't hurt the horseys. (Turne's to Giles) Aim for the horseys.

Spike: I don't fancy sticking my head in that.
Buffy: But if something bites it off, that'd be a clue.

Dawn: I feel safe with you.
Spike: Take that back!

Spike: Never much for small talk, were you? Always too busy trying to perfect that brooding block-of-wood mystique. God I love that.
Angel: Not as much as I loved your nonstop yammering.
Spike: The way you always had to be the big swingy, swaggerin' around barkin' orders...

I loved whenever Angelus (my favorite character next to Spike) talked but for some reason I can't think of any of his really good ones. Anyone help me out?

i know it's kind of dark but i like

angelus:they didn't even have chainsaws then

and from when he first turns

Angelus: Well, he moves to New York and tries to fulfill that Broadway dream. It's tough sledding, but one day he's working in the chorus when the big star twists her ankle.
Spike: You don't give up, do you?
Angelus: As long as there's injustice in the world, as long as scum like you is walking... well, rolling the streets... I'll be around. Look over your shoulder. I'll be there.

Oh yeah!!! They're awesome ones!!! Another one I like these from "Soulless" Angel Season 4:

Angelus: Angelus: [to Connor] And now my boy's in love, all hearts and flowers. But, doesn't it freak you out that she used to change your diapers? I mean, when you think about it, the first woman you boned is the closest thing you've ever had to a mother. Doin' your mom and tryin' to kill your dad. Hmm, there should be a play.

(I hate Connor that's why I chose that one hehehe)

Angelus: How did you survive this long, being so retarded?

Angelus: Try playing up the awe and the reverence a bit. The *great* Angelus.
Lilah Morgan: Great, being locked in a cage.
Angelus: Yet managing to display better grooming habits than you. Look at yourself, Lilah. Hmm? All these years wanting to meet me. Couldn't run a comb through your hair? Maybe slap on a little lipstick? Evil doesn't have to mean sloppy.

Angelus: What happened to pedestrians, huh? Human pedestrians? Is there no fast food left in Los Angeles?


Aww Angelus. Okay I have to go watch Angel lol I'll be back with bigger and better quotes! lol

i just love anything in season 2 where he's mocking spike in his wheelchair!

Aww my poor Spike. lol that's okay he can take it

From the Replacement when they're about to merge the two parts of Xander:

Giles, "He's clearly a bad influence on himself".

season three
giles mocking joyce in a high pitched voice- "oh look at my mask isn't pretty, it raises the dead"

I loved the whole exchange between Buffy and Angel at the start of chosen, i loved the jealousy:

Buffy: It's different. He's different. He has a soul now... What?
Angel: That's great! Everyone's got a soul now.
Buffy: He'll make a difference.
Angel: You know, I started it. The whole having-a-soul. Before it was... all the cool new thing.
Buffy: Oh my god, are you twelve?
Angel: I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me.

Buffy: OK, I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m-... or enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then, that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done.
Angel: Any thoughts on who might enjoy... do I have to go with the cookie analogy?

Willow: This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, my girlfriend has a pierced tongue kind of way.

Three minutes later...

Dawn: Oh! [nods] Pierced tongue.

Kennedy: Bite me.
Willow: I will.

Robin: That's exactly what The First does. Finds your Achilles' heel.
Faith: Nah, it just talked to me. What? It does a heel thing, too?

Buffy: So lemme get this straight. I'm really back in school because the school board overruled you. Wow. That's like having your whole ability to do this job called into question, when you think about it.
Joyce: I think what my daughter's trying to say is... nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah nyah!

Willow: Have you ever noticed, though, when he is mad, but he's too English to say anything, he makes that weird cluck-cluck sound with his tongue?
[Giles suddenly rises up from behind the counter and looks at them.]
Buffy: Hi, Giles! [raises her eyebrows at Willow and smiles]
Willow: [turns to face him] Oh, hi! Been there long?

Later on...

Willow: Are you mad at me?
Giles: No, of course not, no. If I were, I would be making a strange clucking sound with my tongue.


Gwendolyn: Faith, do you know who the Spartans were?
Faith: Wild stab, a bunch of guys from Spart?


Angel: I'm sorry. I know I have no right to ask you for anything.
Giles: <chuckles mirthlessly> Sorry. Coming from you that phrase strikes me as rather funny
Angel: I need your help.
Giles: And the funny just keeps coming.

Joyce: So, Angel's on top again?
Buffy: What?
Joyce: (holding up Christmas decorations) Angel? Or star?
Buffy: Oh. Er, star.

Giles: They're confiscating my books.
Buffy: Giles, we need those books.
Giles: Believe me, I tried to tell that to the nice man with the big gun.

Faith: She got me really wound up. A fight like that and, no kill. I'm about ready to pop!
Xander: Really? Pop?!
Faith: You up for it?
Xander: Oh, I'm up. I'm suddenly very up. It's just, um, I've never been up with people before.

-----------------------------------------­---­---­---­---­---­---­---­---­---­---­---­---­---­

Faith: New watcher?
Buffy & Giles: New watcher.
Faith: Screw that! [walks out]
Buffy: Now why didn't I just say that?

Wesley: Remember the three key words for any Slayer: preparation, preparation, preparation.
Buffy: That's one word three times.

Buffy: Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?
Giles: Well, uh, something... something, um, very strange is happening.
Xander: Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?

Buffy: You had sex with Giles? You had sex with Giles?!
Joyce: It was the candy! We were teenagers!
Buffy: On the hood of a police car?!
Joyce: [goes to leave, glances back] I'll be downstairs. [exits] You feel better!
Buffy: Twice!?

Giles: I'm glad to see you've recovered from your psychic encounter more or less intact. Feel up to some training?
Buffy: Sure. We can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother!
[Giles walks right into a tree.]

[Buffy and Angel bump into each other at the butchers.]
Angel: What are you doing here?
Buffy: Hello to you, too.
Angel: Sorry, I'm just... surprised.
Buffy: Me too, I don't know why though. Where did I think you get your blood? McPlasma's?

[Willow advises Riley about catching Buffy's eye.]
Willow: Then talk. Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun.

Buffy: I told you. I-I said "end of the world", and you're like "poo-poo, southern California, poo-poo"!
Giles: I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.

Giles: How did you know it was me?
Buffy: Only you can look that annoyed with me, Giles

Xander: Am I right, Giles?
Giles: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.

Willow: I wish Buffy was here.
Buffy: I'm here.
Willow: I wish I had a million dollars... Just checking.

Giles: And you're certain she was a robot?
Buffy: Absolutely.
Tara: She practically had "genuine moulded plastic" stamped on her ass... Just trying a little spicy talk.

Tara: Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I did some pretty dumb stuff like lying to my family and staying out all night.
Anya: Buffy's boinking Spike.
[Willow and Tara are left speechless for a moment.]
Willow: Oh. Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge—
Tara: What are you, kidding? She's nuts!

i know its kinda morbid but i love the whole of Anglus's speech at the beginning and end of passion it really makes that episode stand out, and makes it one of the best throughout the whole of ther seris!

"Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping ... waiting ... and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir ... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us ... guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love ... the clarity of hatred ... the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead."

season 1 Teacher's Pet

Cordelia: I don't know what to say, it was really, I mean, one minute you're in your normal life, and then who's in the fridge? It really gets to you, a thing like that. It was... let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday. I think I lost, like, seven and a half ounces? Way swifter than that so-called diet that quack put me on. Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know? Like, how even used Mercedes still have leather seats!

season 1 Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

Owen: What, she doesn't like to dance?

XANDER: Well, it's a little too late to do anything about that. Uh, you should probably know that Buffy doesn't like to be kissed. Actually she doesn't like to be touched.

WILLOW: Xander...

XANDER: As a matter of fact, don't even look at her.

season 1 I Robot, You Jane

JENNY: You're here again? Kids really dig the library, don't cha?

BUFFY: We're literary!

XANDER: To read makes our speaking English good.

season 1 Prophecy Girl

ANGEL: This way. (looks at Xander) What?

XANDER: You were looking at my neck.

ANGEL: What?

XANDER: You were checking out my neck! I saw that!

ANGEL: No, I wasn't!

XANDER: Just keep your distance, pal.

ANGEL: I wasn't looking at your neck!

XANDER: I told you to eat before we left.

season 2 Reptile Boy

XANDER: So, Cor, you printing up business cards with your pager number and hours of operation, or just going with a halter top tonight?

season 2 Surprise:

GILES: Seems Buffy needed some rest.

ANGEL: Yeah. She hasn't been sleeping well. Tossing and turning. (everyone looks at him) She told me.... Because of her dreams?

Season 3

Wesley comes up behind her.

Wes: You haven't an enormous amount of time.

Xander: Hey it's Mr. States-the-Obvious.

Buffy: (without turning around) The council is not welcome here. I have
no time for orders. If I need someone to scream like a woman I'll give you
a call.

Wesley comes to stand next to her.

Wes: I'm not here for the council. Just tell me how I can help.

Buffy looks up at him.

Cordelia: That is so classy! (looks around at the others) Isn't he just so
classy?

Buffy: It's a start.

Wesley: So there is something I can do? Besides scream like a woman.

my fav quoste has to be probably
"the hardest thing in life is living in it" buffy i forgot wat episode its in but i love it

I love the way buffy speaks. One of the most favourite things she says would have to be "Bite me".
When oz goes "i sound pretty sure dont i" in graduation part 2

But spike is the most amusing out of all of them when he says the words like bolics, bloody hell, pet.
Let me refrase i just love his english accent.

Here are some of my favourites :D

Spike: Awww, poor Watcher. Did your life flash before your eyes? Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost-got-shagged, cup of tea?

Buffy: This is Andrew, he's our hostage.

Andrew: I prefer guestage.


I also love the end of 'Teacher's Pet' but I can't remember exactly how it goes but somethhing like this:

Xander: I can't believe I fell in love with a Praying-mantus!
Buffy: Hey, the only guy I've had the hots for is a vampire!
Willow: Yeah and mine turned out to be a demon!
Buffy: Lets just face it, we'll never have happy normal relatinships
Xander: Were doomed!
Everyone: huh.....

Xander: Cordy you should go with Giles
Giles: Why do i have to have... good thinking, i could do with help researching...
Cordy: lets go, tact guy! ♥

when she was bad (season 2).

note being read:

"come to the bronze alone or we make her a meal"

Xander: theyre gunna cook her dinner? ill pretend i didnt say that"


when she was bad (season 2)


giles: well ill consult my books.

Xander: ohhh give it up, i called 10 before youd consult your books about something.

hard school (season 2)

Spike: i find one of your friends first im a suck em dry, then use their bones to bash your head in.

whats my line part 2 (season2)

Xander: i am the bug man coo-coo-cachoo