I get that feeling too that her live songs are better than the originals. not that the originals aren't good.


if you just hold in your breath til you come back up in full
hold in your breath til you thought it through, you fool

THIS SONG IS IN MY TOP.

Go ahead she's a bitch. I don't really have a best friend anymore. I'm just too betrayed. She only wants me when she has issues. And i've told her that but she still doesn't' give a fuck. So ehhhh. Whatever.

I think it's just kinda how you make connections to songs.

It's all about that. "Wake up Alone" fully marked that dark era of my life just by the lyric "if I was my heart,I'd rather be restless" or "Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking"...I'd hear it over 20 times per day and so on. And it was a song about you know...heartbreak,sadness,deep pain. But it was love pain. I hadn't experience the kind of love Amy was talking about in the song but I identified with other parts of it.

Aw I have to check out "Building"'s lyrics.


OMG your birthday is coming up! Your gonna be an adult!

CAN'T WAIT!

I hadn't experience the kind of love Amy was talking about in the song but I identified with other parts of it.

I agree with this 100% i feel like that's just music though, it's how you relate to music, not just what the intended song meaning is about.

It's not like you'll die or anything. I'm gonna go for a cliche opinion now but life's too short anyway. So the people that just you know...something happens and they're just not there for you anymore. Well ok. Fine. I mean you'll cry and be bothered at first but then,NAHHH. Also I think it's pretty cool when you start not depending on other people. Like,love yourself more. Trust certain people for certain stuff. You don't necessarily have to have THE SPECIAL person in your life you'll be telling everything to. Sure that's the ideal thing but what if it just doesn't happen? Idk...

^^^^ i totally agree. And what's the point if that person makes you feel worse about yourself?

it's how you relate to music, not just what the intended song meaning is about.

True and utter magic. I know. I love that...I love it. I love how you know,I mean she's saying "I died a hundred times" and she's pronouncing,singing the "DIED" word and it's like she's feeling it. SO much. And when she feels it the whole thing gets me so much. It's a simple lyric but it affects every fucking cell of my body. Others might go ahead and sing "Back to black" like a random chorus that'd stick in their head for some time. Me,I'd literally die WITH Amy while she is singing it.
And this happens everytime. Sad or happy the moment I'm listening to it,IT HAPPENS

And what's the point if that person makes you feel worse about yourself?

There's no point. And it's simply way too fucked up to care over a person who not only doesn't care back the same way that you do but also "uses" you in a certain way. It's another thing relationships simply changing or developing into other forms of relationships or whatever and it's another thing feeling you're being used. It sucks major ass.

You know what the worst part is, that deep down you love them your just pissed at all the shit they've put you through, and you just wished they knew.

I'm gonna show you something i wrote to the two girls who i thought were "my sisters"

that deep done you love them your just pissed at all the shit they've put you through

Yes,it's the worst part. You can't help but love them at the end. As much as you try to literally hate them. And you usually have every right to hate them. But oh well.

The Brianna one...I'm speechless. This is too much. I'd die if anyone wrote something this epic for me. I'd die of sadness though cause I'd have freaked out over the fact that I'd have made a flawless person feel that shitty because of pointless me. I seriously just can't. Hann what can I even say? I'd like to be able to say "You should send those" but I'm pretty sure you can't cause it's like...you can't. They were lucky to have you,that's all I'm going to say. You know what is the thing? Sometimes you just need the other person to take the first step. And when something's in the way you constantly can't help thinking that it's their fault and they should act first to make things cool again. I think the hardest part though is the build up of the whole thing. Like..going back to how things used to be without getting the feeling that everything looks extremely forced now. But if they let a guy,a fucking tosser mess up with what you had...then....what are we even talking about?

Of course i can't send those.

How come every time i talk to you, i end up loving you more and more?
Your just that epic ♥

I think the hardest part though is the build up of the whole thing.

yeah exactly. I just want to move on. I don't want to care about them anymore, but IT'S SOOOOOO HARD FOR ME. I mean i think that helped me a lot. But i honestly wish i could send it. But i never will. And honestly i don't want to know what they'd think about it, i just don't want to deal with them anymore.

I mean I know it's hard cause it's the fucking years you've lived with someone. The more memories,the more sadness. The more flashbacks you have the more tears you get etc. It's always about the little moments that stay in your head and you stay there thinking "what could possibly go wrong?" Idk I happened to question my best friend's trust while I was going through the heave divorce era. I'd think she wouldn't give a shit. But I had persuaded myself I wouldn't talk to her about what was eating me cause I loved her so much and didn't even want her to think I was feeling bad or anything. Just for the sake of HER. Whereas,OFCOURCE,all I wanted,all I was expecting,all I needed was her to simply as if anything was wrong. That would be enough for me to tell her literally everyhthing. And it still hurts me that she never,ever said anything. She never asked. She probably never got it. I only made that conversation with her years later and she said "I'd know everything just by looking at you. I just thought you weren't ready yet and needed to take some time to get over that shit by yourself. I couldn't have helped you anyway"

How come every time i talk to you, i end up loving you more and more?

We're imperfect people confronting eachother. That's it. But it's also "easy" to talk to you. I don't even have to think sometimes. I type naturally and it all comes out. I love you too.

all I needed was her to simply as if anything was wrong. That would be enough for me to tell her literally everyhthing. And it still hurts me that she never,ever said anything.

that's heart breaking :( At least she said she knew it by looking at you. I mean i'm glad you guys are still friends. I think that's one thing i regret most is i've lost most of the people (besides my siblings) that i cared about. I wish that connection went both ways. I wish there was a way to relate.

I type naturally and it all comes out.
MY LIFE. I mean words just make sense to me. Lyrics, books. It's my connection with the world.

I can't stop listening to Lolla Apres Moi, it's better than the track on begin to hope, it just sounds more real.

We're still friends cause she made me realised she never stopped giving a shit and that she wanted me to take my time. And I respected that,obviously. But things wouldn't be alright between us till we eventually had that conversation. That's for sure.

Yes,I think I'm downloading it to get the acoustic version. It's way better.

i wrote this one for my sister in response to her telling me something.
-------------------------
You're on my mind.

I think about it all the time, the way we used to be. It kills me to see how far we’ve fallen. We were inseparable as kids, i don’t know when or where we stopped liking each other and it hurts. The lies you tell me to cover up for feelings sting me. How did this happen to us? We were so close. You were the first person i told everything to, from boy troubles to a crazy story you were always there. Now the thought of telling you stuff now is a joke, a distant memory. I have no trust for you anymore, when i used to look up to you. It’s not your rep, it’s our broken relationship. Your my sister, I always felt you were the half of my soul, and somehow everything would be okay if i could just talk to you. Now When I go to bed at night i’m all alone, and i see your light in the room next door, but i don’t go and knock and tell you how i feel, i shut myself down and cry. I wish i could tell you pain, the pain that doesn’t leave, i regret everything i do, i truly hate my life. Yes I am blessed with so many things but i feel like I’ve lost focus of reality. You were my strong hold, now i don’t even go for you with advice on what to wear. How did this happen? If there was anyone i would have gone to in the past it was you. Now our relationship is a joke, it’s basically a business transaction, everything we do for each other is because of bribes. It’s pathetic, the worst part is that you haven’t even noticed I’ve slipped away your to distracted by the things around you. And you’re right, it’s my fault too that I’m alone, but it comes to the point where the darkness is so heavy you don’t know how to get out of it, I don’t even know where my time goes. I’m crying for your help because you used to be the only one I trusted, I want you to help me, tell me everything will be okay. I love you so much, and it hurts me how our relationship has slipped away. </3

Yes,I think I'm downloading it to get the acoustic version. It's way better.

SLOW samson much much better.

But at least you still have that connection.

the worst part is that you haven’t even noticed I’ve slipped away your to distracted by the things around you.

This kills me life. It's the worst that can happen and I've experienced it first hand. Thinking they don't even notice,it drives you mad. I know. It fucking hurts. I'd keep a diary for a year,myself. I'd kill myself in case someone read those letters...same style with this one. Idk Hann,I think when you genuiely love a certain person,boyfriend,parent or friend,you can't help but feel so much about them. They make you lAUGH too much,they make you hurt too much. They simply affect you and it's all TOO much. And it's funny cause deep inside I love that. I love the people that are making me feel alive. I don't care if I hurt or I'm happy,sometimes as long as I FEEL,I'm you know...I love this. There are people that are in my life,I wouldn't even care to go to their funerals in case they died tomorrow though. You know what I mean? LMAO I'm such a masochist...

Sorry for showing you all these, i don't even know why i am. Idk sometimes i feel like i just can't talk to anyone. And your like my support on here, you've never hurt me or betrayed me it's just so easy to talk to you.

No i get what your saying, lately i feel like i can't feel anything, I feel like i'm numb i'm drowning i can't even cry. I mean what kinda person can't cry? I feel like why am i the one who can't move on? If they all moved on so easily why do i care?

Sorry for showing you all these

I feel blessed to have read them only to get to feel what you're saying even better. So no need to feel sorry. I wish I could translate mine and show them to you. That'd probs be cool cause you're the one and only person I'm willing to actually show them to.

And your like my support on here

Same my love.

I feel like why am i the one who can't move on? If they all moved on so easily why do i care?

Too ignorant for their own good. You're the one to care,they're the ones to forget. You're the one who felt the connection more,they're the ones that gave up. I know...sometimes I feel shit and all I can do is feel it. But it scares me even more not to be able to feel at all. Feel completely numb. Then I remember of Effy Stonem and her ice queen self...and I get fucking terrified. I want to feel. Always.

I'll have to destroy this by leaving cause mummy needs "to check her emails"




FUCK MY LIFE. I love you Hann. You don't need this shit and I get you 100% but you don't,you seriously don't need it. They don't deserve the kind of love you have for them. And god knows how much I couldn't care less about them but it hurts me cause it affects YOU. And since you're letting it affect you too much I can't help but worry damn it. I hope I SLIGHTLY helped. Even a tiny bit. Not in helping you find a solution but just you know,SHARING it at least. Keep in mind I always care about you babe.

<333
We need to talk again,SOON.

I haven't showed that to anyone else.
You see what i'm saying about how i'm feeling weak?
And it's like a "Gallo Thing" you gotta be tough, or your pretty much nothing, i mean YOU have to be able to deal with shit.
Or your weak, you need couch time, or we need to shake ourselves.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww thanks hun, you helped a lot, sometimes it just makes more sense when you talk about it. Yes let's talk soon!!!
Byeee e babe ♥

Anyone?

JESSS.


OMG WOW I MISS THIS PLACE ;[

IM HERE! :)

& yeah .. so many people left this WHOLE spot :(

FP sucks now thats why lol ;pp

anyways do u have PS?

;) true.

& yeah downloaded it :D

okay aawesome ;]

ill post some fotos so u know what to do.

awesome,thanks hun <3

STEP 1.

STEEP 2

im telling you how to make an icon right now. so the brucas cap to fit into the 200x200 box make the cap smth like 400xwatever the other number changes too.

STEP 3/

do understand everything so farr?

yes :)

kk awesome

STEP 4

STEP 5

STEP 6

STEP 7

jess, after i watch GG i will show u blending n stuff.
do u understand ?

yeah girl,i get everything,BUT i have 1 question.. i bet its reall ystupid and all , but where are all these effects like culur curves bc i dont find it :D LMAO.

OH SORRY!!

its in layer > new adjustment layer