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Hey, I need honest opinion on how I write and where I need to improve, this is a part of one of the stories I've written. Thanks to anyone who can help. =)


Fallenfeather wove through a dark, leafy forest, sunlight just barely filtered through. He walked confidently through the spiralling trees, all of his sense trained to catch the deer in the clearing ahead. As the chocolate brown lobo neared his goal, he sunk lower and stared with bright cerulean eyes at the swift-footed dear ahead of him. His muscles tensed as he prepared to leap after the small deer when suddenly a silver shape charged past him. The deer turned it’s head in time to see a small silver lobo flying towards it, it’s eyes widened in fear then it broke into a run. Fallenfeather snarled in annoyance and followed the silver wolf. The offender gave one last push off the ground, stretched her paws out- and missed; the deer hared away as the lobo tumbled to the ground. Fallenfeather finally caught up to the surprised she wolf,
    “What do you think your doing? That was my kill, Breezewhisper!” Fallenfeather snapped. Breezewhisper turned gold eyes on him and frowned
    “I was obviously going for that deer! You were in my way!” Breezewhisper growled irritably, “Besides, everyone knows you couldn’t catch a rabbit if the whole Clan depended on it!” she added the last part sardonically, hoping to goad him into a fight. Fallenfeather narrowed his eyes,
    “The whole Clan does depend on it! You should know better than to just go galumphing after a deer!” Breezewhisper ignored him and instead rose clumsily to her paws and shook out her coat.
    “I’ll tell mother about this! I’ll tell her about how you distracted me from making a great catch for FrostClan!” she teased, flicking her fluffy tail in Fallenfeather’s face as she walked past. Fallenfeather watched as she disappeared into the trees, he curled his lip in anger, Breezewhisper could be so obnoxious!
    Fallenfeather grumbled silently to himself and began to follow Breezewhisper’s trail. His brown pele, peles lightly brushed against the foliage as he picked up his pace until the grama began to thin out and open out onto rock. Ahead, a small cliff rose jaggedly, a large antro, den was in the middle of it. From the cliff streamed edges and outcrops with small dens that seemed to be scooped out with a giant paw underneath. This was what his Clan referred to as ‘the hollow’, his Clan was a clan that moved within it’s own territory, taking shelter in the southern section of their territory; where there were countless trees, in the fury of winter.
    Stealthily slipping through the long grassy area in the blossoming spring. But no matter where they went the Clan always seemed to pool back towards the hollow. The most extraordinary thing about his Clan and the other Clans that were near by, was that they could shape shift. Mind, it took a lot of focus to do so, and the larger the form the mais energy it took. Lately, a lot of lobos had taken a fancy to cat forms, it usually took long weeks of practice and commitment, but many of the lobos in his headstrong Clan had their coração set on their own agile cat forms. The most easiest form to master was a human form, which their seer, Skysong, was almost always in.
     As Fallenfeather bounded ahead a leopard came running, he wasn’t looking where he was going and crashed into Fallenfeather. Fallenfeather growled in warning and the leopard immediately jumped up, licking his disheveled fur. He glanced self-consciously around.
    “I’m sorry, Fallenfeather! Are you Ok?” the leopard seemed to barely be paying attention to what was going on, but after a minuto of silence on Fallenfeather’s part he refocused and smoothed Fallenfeather’s pele, peles with a tentative paw. Fallenfeather collected himself and stood up,
    “I’m fine, Coldsnap, just... pay attention to what your doing seguinte time” Fallenfeather rumbled lamely. Coldsnap nodded, then hurried around Fallenfeather, his tail lashing. Fallenfeather sighed wearily, then continued into the camp. He could already see Breezewhisper’s tail swishing some fronds that were close to the main den, her mouth was open in complaint and a scowl sparked in her eyes.
    “It’s not fair! I want to go! This is favouritism! Baseless favouritism!” Breezewhisper was wailing. Fallenfeather cocked his ears forward, wondering what was going on. A beige lobo with white paws and a dark brown ring around her muzzle appeared from the shadows of the centered den. It was their mother, Windsong.
    “It’s not favouritism, it is Blazefire’s commands, she is the alpha and you must adhere to her wishes, now hush, you are very young and would not understand.” Windsong huffed, then she raised a paw and ushered Breezewhisper aside with a “don’t disturb Blazefire” look. Breezewhisper growled and skulked to spot underneath an outcrop of rock where she could sulk in peace. Fallenfeather flicked his tail, he and his littermates were 7 months old, speaking of which, his brother poked his nose out of the antro, den closest to Breezewhisper. He was a white lobo with a black dorsal stripe running down his back, from his nose to the tip of his tail. Black marks stretched around esmeralda eyes as well. His pele, peles stuck out at every angle like thistles, it was always like that, as if it was drawn por some force and no matter how much you tried to lick it into place it stayed spiked. His name was Lionfrost. Lionfrost twitched his nose before approaching Breezewhisper, he gazed down at her then lied down beside her. They pressed closer together than began to whisper to each other. Fallenfeather moved closer, hoping to be apart of their conversation. Breezewhisper noticed. She snapped her head towards him,
    “What do you want?” she snapped.
    “I want to know what’s going on, you two always seem to know things I don’t!” Fallenfeather answered back, his pele, peles bristling slightly. Breezewhisper’s ears swivelled around. She glared silently at the ground.
    “ Blazefire is sending a group from FrostClan to StormClan to warn them to stay away from our territory!”
Days and days passed,this just wasn't going to end.This constant battle with Leo.Leo and I weren't fighting we just kept..well actually HE was the one leading me on so I was beating myself about it now.Leo could go from saying stuff like "hi beautiful" to "I don't wanna be around you right at the moment Jas,i-i gotta....see you later."And then he will walk away.I don't get it at all.The crappiest part of all this is that whether or not he is being a jerk.I'm falling for him,and I'm falling for him fast.

I mean its so hard to not fall for him.He can be the sweetest person on earth sometimes,and...
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 For the first couple months, that's what it really feels like; darkness, always there like the cachorro, filhote de cachorro you always wished for to follow you around.
For the first couple months, that's what it really feels like; darkness, always there like the puppy you always wished for to follow you around.
It always starts with darkness. Just like the rumors that vampiros were made to sign Satan's book with blood as the registration, it was thought that a vampire's soul was consumed por darkness. For the first couple months, that's what it really feels like; darkness, always there like the cachorro, filhote de cachorro you always wished for to follow you around. Sadly, I never had a puppy, so this was all awkwardly new to me.
"That's how it's going to be for a while." Adrian told me one dia while I woke up from a deep sleep, facing the sunlight. I had forgotten that we were now affected por that sunlight mais than humans....
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posted by coolie
He brought us here and we killed him,” said Ted. OMG that’s like impossible,” said the girl. Look in the cave thing,” said Death. Ewe gross,” said the Girl. With a sword in is stomach,” said Bill. They looked in the catacombes a segundo time There was nobody inside the catacombes. Bbbbbbut hhhhow?” questioned Ted. Weird,” answered everybody else. How long have you been here,” asked bill. A year,” answered the girl. What’s your name?” asked Ted. Shatter-a-glass,” said Shater-a-glass. The bushes shook again. A boy walked out. Dude what’s up?” said the boy. Just havin...
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 My eyes traveled over to the waitress, and underneath the cuff of her uniform I saw a dagger-slash on her wrist, still throbbing with a small smidge of blood.
My eyes traveled over to the waitress, and underneath the cuff of her uniform I saw a dagger-slash on her wrist, still throbbing with a small smidge of blood.
In the place where I lived, there was worry to a person when they saw a nine-year-old crossing the rua and looking around in fear. Most people would back off, since that was a common sense habit. But when I was the nine-year-old walking around in fear, there was no way that common sense would be a part of me anymore. I had to use the mature inner self that I refused to shed in the past and make it come to good use, because I would need every ounce of manliness I had.
He left a note beside the cottage when I came back from school, and that scared the hell out of me. I wondered why he didn't...
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posted by amethyst44
After that, I had the courage to go into the forest. Every time I did, however, I felt a smidge closer to guilt and foolishness. His threat should have prevented me from going into the forest again, or even think about it. But no. I wasn't going to be bullied down por a snobby kid in the forest from letting me have my lovely freedom when I wanted. Besides, we owned these woods. He could file against me, or burn the whole forest for all I cared, but he would be the one to pay the price. And por the way his clothes were mangled and destroyed, I don't think the price would even match his dream sufficiency...
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posted by housefrk
The woman surveys the damage to the screen
In the window over the desk.
Her son’s bedroom is covered in posters of outer space
And crumbs from many varieties of potato chip.
The boy sits on the cama in his super-homem suit
And asks to taste the cup of tea

The mother is sipping. She offers him the tea
But the boy, worried about being punished for the screen,
Spills it on his mother’s suit
And then drops the cup onto the desk
Giving it a significant chip.
He backs up to put space

Between himself and his angering mother, but she closes the space
And begins to clean out of the carpet the spilled tea
Before it...
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posted by Kimi4312
Chapter Four:Immortality

The seguinte day, Kimberly came to her old house she once lived, she walked around and she look at all the rooms and she saw her old bedroom is now her twin daughter's room now, she sees a picture of her daughters and she went to her parents bedroom and sees pictures of her and her sister Alice as children, Kimberly felt so guilty of not telling them she was alive and she cries, Jacob notice she look so much like she used to be when they were younger expect her hair is now short and curly, he sees her sorrow behind her eyes and see a blood tear drop on the floor, he walked...
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Prologue
“Witch! Witch!” they screamed. Willow ran from the angry mob behind her. She could feel their anger, and their fear. For her there was just fear. She didn’t know what to do; they’d caught her in the act of healing a leaper. At first he thought that she was Christ reincarnated, which was ridiculous, but she made the mistake of laughing at his absurd thought. And he figured it out. He may have been a leaper but he wasn’t stupid.
“She’s over there!” Someone shouted, Willow glanced back, and saw the flickering flames in the distance, and the pointed teeth of pitch forks....
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posted by Fangirl99
from:sponge bob
wirtten by:sponge bob
violão, guitarra by:spongeb
preformed by:sponge bob&patrick& squidward
featuring:Patrick
also featuring :squidward *sorta*
drums:patrick
singer:spongebob

lets gather around the campfire and sing the campfire song our c-a-mp-f-i-r-e-s-o-n-g song. and if you think that we cant sing it faster then your wrong but itll help if you just sing along
Bom Bom Bom
*sing it fast!*
C-a-m-p-f-i-r-e-s-o-n-g song,C-am-p-f-i-r-e-s-o-n-g song and if you think that we cant sing it faster then you wrong but itll help if you just sing along.
*even faster*C-a-m-p-f-i-r-e-s-o-n-g song,C-a-m-p-f-i-r-e-s-o-n-g song Patrick!
"SoNG!C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E..
"squdiward1good!"
Itll help!itll help!if you just sing along!OH YEAH!

THE END
posted by dragonrider
Still the first dia - Athena's perspective

I smiled as I walked back to my friends and I's table. I sat down and looked at my friends.
"Where have you been?" Erica asked "I need make up conselhos and you know Emily isn't into that,"
Emily hardly looked up from her book "Make up is a complete waste of time," she said
"Not it is not. It attracts cute boys," Erica argued
Emily sighed "As I told you before your personality attracts them," she said
I held up my hands "Girls please! You want to know where I was or not?" I asked
They both exchanged glances "Yes we do,"
I sighed "Alright. I was talking to...
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morgan Sterns was sipping up the last drips of her coffee. She was going to need every last drop if she was going to work late enough to finish all of her reports. She had reports on all kinds of things. Serial killers, counterfeiters, asassination attempts, the list went on and on.
Why do the FBI get handed everything, she wondered. But what she really wanted to know was why she was the one always stuck with work when most of the other agents and anaylists were just standing around telling jokes and drinking coffee. morgan got back to her assento and pushed her amêndoa hair out of her eyes and...
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posted by joe-edwardfan
Chapter10: Edwards pov
Days passed one por one and I was getting mais suspicious about Bella I could see it in her eyes that she truly hated Damien but here actions were telling something different the ways her body curled around him the way she hugged him, kissed him I just wanted to get up and kill him. even Alice saw a few visions of it and sent Emmett and jasper to get a hold on me but even with all this evidence that maybe ,maybe Bella loved him but I knew there was something wrong, her eyes were so sad, emotionless and cold, she's not the happy perky Alice like but not annoying Bella my...
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Oh great it’s probably that creepy garbage man again. I thought. I turned around anyway, my eyes widened, I felt my face turn red, I couldn’t believe who was standing in front of me. I felt embarrassed. He just stared at me, with a look that just says hello. I opened my mouth thinking I was going to say something. Nothing came out I quickly shut my mouth and took a step back, about to walk away. “No, don’t run,” he said, his voice was so sweet.
“I… Umm…. Em…Eminem…uhh… hello?” I stuttered nervously with a stupid grin on my face, after I knew he wasn’t mad at me.
“Who...
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posted by joe-edwardfan
Chapter 6: headache.
I was leitura a book on my cama when I heard my phone buzz
-hi Alice!
-hey Bella I was wondering if me and edward could come and see u?
What? People just don’t call and invite theme selves over! ugh! just be nice Bella she's a good vamp or I think she is……
-yeah sure when are u coming?
I asked. I was positive she even had a set time to come here….
-at 3:00 pm it gives u 1 hora to clean and dress up! I'm so happy to come over! Yay!
Then she hung up oooh I don’t want to dress up! Right now I just want to sleep or continuing leitura my book! I just climbed of my cama and cleaned...
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posted by joe-edwardfan
Chapter 5:B pov
I woke up and looked at my new purple alarm clock it said 2:00 pm
-shit!
I was late again,I jumped off my cama and stretched then walked to the bathroom and washed my face, I walked to my giant dresser and focused on what to wear, Hmmm the brown tank topo, início goes with my black jean and the new colar I got from accessorize and my black converse, and I'm all set!
I rushed to my car and forgot to grab a Hershey bar and drove to the mall
While I was driving I checked my watch again and 2:15 I still have 15 mins to the Saturday sale good thing I really want that black bag! Hmmm this is...
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posted by BiteMeCullen107
An hora later they had gone threw what little was left and found four bodies one out of four survived. He was badly hurt and probably wasn’t going to be out of the hospital for a couple weeks possibly months. Vanna wasn’t to hurt she broke her left leg and had to get three stitches. You’d think that because I was closer to the building I would have gotten hurt mais but no I just sprained my wrist had to get six stitches and had a couple cuts and burses.
“Excuse me sir?”
I walked up to a one of the doctors that was taking care of Vanna at the time. He turned around and it looked like...
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posted by joe-edwardfan
Chapter 1: the first meeting
I was remembering the first time I was trying to hide from my only enemy…..Damien I was running away from him for 160 years but he never gave up chasing me. My life is a living hell every little thing made me fear for no reason it’s just the part of the curse I can’t control it…….
-Bella
Angela asked worried I looked at her
-yeah?
-Nothing I was just worried, you were starring there for, I don’t know half an hour!
-oh I'm sorry I was just remembering things
-ok, do you want to talk about it?
-no I'm fine
-ok so I…um..i mean… we were wondering if you wanted...
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posted by joe-edwardfan
Chapter 20
While Alice was dragging me to see her family I was worried what will happen when I see edward I mean after all this years ,we moved on and stuff……..ooh I'm such an idiot what can happen??? Nothing can happed if he remmembers he left ME! I didn’t leave him! So what does he wants now?.....
I was thinking hard not realizing were she was dragging me when someone hugged me
-oh Bella I'm so happy to see you look at you!!! You havent changed at all!
Then he laughed his booming laugh,awww I truley miss Emmett he always made me laugh and made fun of me
-Bella honey,how are you?
Esme came...
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posted by Free_Spirit
Me: okay this is a short story i came up with. I know its a little bit drepressing but i was in a really bad mood. PLEASE TELL Me WHAT YOU THINK. Sorry i pu that in caps cause people will notice it better. Okay enjoy

I start as the rain begins to fall. Great i thought darkly. I didn't like the rain, i always thought it emphasised how bad this world really is. I waited impatiently for class to end. The class was playing futebol and the other kids seemed to amor the rain while playing. I didn't cadastrar-se in, i wasn't apart of that group.

I sighed in relief when i heard the sino signal the end of class....
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Please read the other chapters and tell me whether this is any good or not. And if you don't like it, please give constructive critisicm.



The last of the jantar guests poured out of Joseph Warren's house. He didn't have jantar parties often because they usually resulted in fight's between two different people or parties with extremely different political views. Fortunately, their was only one, small conflict on whether America should be fighting communism in other coutries or not. Joeseph of course took the side of fighting communism, and so did a couple of others. But most of the other people...
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