Twilight Funnies!

100 ways to annoy the Cullen’s.

1.) Take Jasper to an African American Support center and tell everyone there his full name.

2.) Talk in a really bad Texas ancient when around Jasper.

3.) Tell Carlisle that Esme has been having an affair with Aro Volturi

4.) Dangle Alice's favorito pair of shoes over your head when you are standing on the opposite side of the boundary line.

5.) Fill Edward's iPod with rap songs

6.) Fill Emmett’s with classical

7.) Tell Alice that Jasper looks at porn

8.) Pay ten guys to look at Rosalie and go "Ewe"

9.) Spray paint Edward's car pink

10.) Tell him it was Alice's idea...

**SNEAK PEEK**
This is just a sneak peek the rest will not be writen untill i finish ''My Midnight Sun'' Enjoy and tell me what u think!

Edwards POV
THE WOODS
''If that's what you want.'' I could hear the tears amergeing in her voice. I wanted to kill myself right then and there for causeing those tears. I leaned forward,and kissed her forhead for the last time. Then i took off.Not takeing one look back. 'It's for her safety.' I thought to myself. Even though I just tore my whole life apart. It was still about her.And always will be. The wind blew por me with a chance to go back. It blew hard even...

chapter 4

I woke up, and Carlisle was in the room.
"Bella" he said in relief.
"Where..where am I?" I stuttered. I looked and I couldn't reconginse the room.
"Bella.." Carlisle said questionly. "you're in our house, in the lounge room.
I loked around and saw that I was. "Okay" I caught my reflection in a mirror. I had stitches down my face, and when I turned, I saw that there were long rows of mais stitches down my back as well.
"Carlisle, what happened to me?" I asked, unable to make sense of the black lines of stiching.
He hesistated. "Well, when you were in the room, Edward-"
I cut hm off "Edward!...

Chapter 8: not a sweet life
I woke up with Damien's arms tightened around my naked chest.ewww eww eww eww, I swear I’ll kill him! i slid myself out of his grasp and flew to my closet I quietly wore something to escape from him while I was putting on my jeans I was thinking of some place where Damien cant find me, I really couldn’t think of any where so I grabbed my bag and headed to the door hope fully Damien was still sleeping I opened the door and quietly closed it behind me I rushed to my car when jasper interrupted me
-Bella what's wrong? Your so scared and worried.
Not a good timing please...

Name: Rosalie Hale

Type: Vampire

Special Ability: None

About Them: Born Rosalie Lillian Hale, Rosalie Hale is the adopted daughter of Esme and Carlisle Cullen, adoptive sister of Edward, Alice, and Jasper, and wife of Emmett. Rosalie throughout the books acts as the sister of Jasper and that they are Esme’s niece and nephew. Gorgeous even compared to other vampires, Rosalie acts and looks like a model. She is mean to Bella due to jealousy of her being human, and not wanting Bella to choose a life as a vampire. Rosalie is known for being vain and self centered. She wishes to be human and have...

Dear Diary
alright well i had a dream the other night.
i'm sitting in my room it's 12:00 and i'm still up thinking about the wedding. "hey bells!"
i jump when i hear jakes voice from the other end of my room.

"o oi jake wat r u doin here?"

"o nuthin. i was just really bored nd i just thought i'd come see you considering that tonight is your last night as bella."

"well you know edward might not change me right after the wedding i mean maybe later. who knows i might even come back from the honeymoon still human."he flinched at the word honeymoon.

"haha maybe."

"well wat's the gossip on the pack?"...

Disclaimer ;; I got this idea from Stephaniiie's-Number-1-Fan. :D
Introduction!

Me :: Hello everybody!

Marcus :: Why are we here?

Me :: Well... I kidnapped you...

Marcus :: Why?

Me :: Becuase... *falls to ground in pain*

Alec :: Jane... stop torturing the girl.

Jane :: The HUMAN girl. Why do we need an explaination?? I need a snack.

Me :: AHHH!!!

Alec :: *numbing Jane*

Me :: Thank you Alec.

Alec :: *nods*

Me :: Now... let's be mates.

Gianna :: *slaps me upside the head*

Me :: Ow... Why did I bring you anyways??

Gianna :: Becuase I rock.

Everyone :: *rolls eyes*

Me :: Shut up everyone!

Aro :: Young girl... please...

11. Twinge


He road with me to the Elementary school. He talked about the game and I laughed. He was a great Player, he told me about the scholarship and how it all when away with one spit bone. I got to the school a bit late, Mrs. Martinez eyes Kevin anxiously and she told me about the rose sent to Alison today. I just nodded my head and introduce Aly to Kevin.

“Alison Love, I want you to meet my friend Kevin” I was holding her; she smiled at him and looked at me.

“Hi Kevin” she said in her sweet voice. She would say it to new people and grandpa when she wanted something. I shook my...

In all my hundred years or so of my life. I finally meet the girl of my dreams and she was new to Forks. The shocking part was that I couldn’t read anything she was thinking plus she smelled so beautiful. She smelled like strawberries every dia because of her shampoo. When I saw her face in person, I instill fell in amor with her and I knew right there and then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Bella and I got married on August 13th, 2004. She was beautiful that day. We had a baby girl that I amor to death. Her name is Renesmee. She looks just her mother, her brown eyes,...

Ignornace

BuffyFaithfan1
____________________________________
Chapter Six: Let The Flames Begin...Oh Glory
~PART TWO: I'm Sitting All Alone Feeling Empty~
______________________
I watched as Jake was pulled to his feet, mouth duck-taped shut, hands tied behind his back. As I watched, a ramen grabbed me por the hair and looked directly into my eyes.
"Lovebirds?" He chuckeled then. "Too bad you didn't make it!"
I felt my hand be tugged behind my back, tied together with rope. And then I felt a ramen removing the gear and weapons, adding a a cavity procurar to the list also!
"Hands, hands! Watch the hands!"...

He got ready in a segundo and we were at my house's door. We got in his Volvo and he started driving with a crazy speed he always drove.

-Can you please drive slower?!

He chuckled and increased his speed.

-I said slower... not faster!

Once he saw my red face he decreased his speed and that was the moment I felt relaxed.

-Why are you angry today, love?

I turned my head to the window and preferred to say nothing, but I heard his whisper while he said: If I could read her damn mind, Everything would have been easier!

We were both angry now but after five minutos of silence he got my hand in his' and...

BUT THEN I had to look away fromm the beautiful boy because the teacher was calling my name i was bearly avaible to answer him then from the corner of my eye i saw that the boy had also turn around.
my head was spinning i took deep breaths tryng but not suceeding to calm myself
who was that why he has to be so beautiful
finally the sino rang i get up wanting to run to the seguinte class but someone was infront of me well a bunch of boys not a single girl and in the bunch of boys the beautiful boy wasnt there...
after that class after class it was the same but i never had another class with the boy...

Hey. I'm making a segundo story, tell me if you like, please be truthful!:) P.S. I don't have a 'title' for the book, any suggestions will be awesome.
teamalice_0
==================================================

I've been a vampire for years. My creator left me. I've been digging for information about my past. That's what she told me before she left.

I've beeen digging and found somethings. I found out who I was named after. My deceased aunt. We have the same first name. But I liked to me called Mary. I even had the same last name as her.

Mary Alice Brandon. My mom was attached to her, before...

Jodelle Micah Ferland, the 14 ano old Vancouver actress, has just been cast to appear in Eclipse. Her role? Well, it is rumored that she will be playing Bree, but we aren't sure yet. "I'm not allowed to say, but I can tell you I am playing a newborn vampire," Jodelle stated. "But I'm not a newborn, I'm newly turned; some people don't get that."

Jodelle also revealed that, "I hadn't heard much about Twilight when it first came out. I'm home-schooled so sometimes I don't hear about things like that. But my friends were all freaking out about Twilight and I was like 'What's that?' Now I know what...

*I'm sorry if I offended anyone on this spot, I just did this to be funny, not mean*

1) If you know a girl who despises Twilight and is crazy about hating it, send them a box with a poster of Edward with the words "My Dream Guy" on the poster
2) Tell a Twilight hater that Ron Weasley is Emmett's b***h
3) Tell them that REAL men sparkle
4) When a group of Twilight haters are surrounding you, stand in the middle of the group and shout out "I'M A CULLEN, EVERYONE!" then sing "I am a vampire" por Antsy Pantsy
link
5) Write a letter to President Obama convincing him to make a law against disrespecting...

what if bella came back to forks with a kid?what do you think?tell me in comments!!got bored so tried some thing new!!hope u like!!












Me and my daughter are going to live with my dad,charlie he knows about vicky, he vists but not in over 6 mounths so
we are going to live with him becuz my mom wants to travel with phil the base ball player and i want out of here cuz
i dont want to run into vickys dad he said he wanted nothing to do with her and signed all of the papers
that say he will never want to know her and if her dad aaron changed his mind he still cant see her inless
i agree witch i never...

Chapter 1
My name is Sam Devine this is my story of the mysterious race of the ancestors to the universe the guardian anjos but before we even discover the guardian anjos we must first meet the first guardian angel on earth.
At the time I met the first guardian angel was living at Orgarswick Avenue in Dymchurch located in Kent and it was a Thursday evening I believe and I was feeding my pet rabbits and guinea pigs, they lived in a big shed with a run outside it.
I had locked them up to stop the foxes and other animais eating them when suddenly out of nowhere a bright yellow light appeared and...

"Come on you two. Let's go inside we have company comming over for diiner." How can me spirts drop so quickly just moments after they were lifted? Grandma Esther's sudden announcement made my stomache turn. I'm not ready for company let alone my grandparents.

"Who's commin Esther?" Grandpa asks as he pushes me into the house.

"The Clearwaters, no Layla your room is the upstairs bedroom to the left. Why don't you take your stuff up." Grandma Esther says as she heads into the small kitchen. The stairs creak as I walk up with my stuff. The door is already open. As I set my bags down I hear Grandma...

1. New Story



I was relaxing after hunting with Bella, on a lawn chair outside. The sun was out, so everyone was staying in. I was beginning to go into VampireDaydream mode when I heard a shout from inside.
"Edward! Call off Bella!" Emmett yelled.
I sighed and got up. Inside, Bella was arm wrestling Emmett. But instead of slamming his arm to the table, she was squeezing his hand, hard.
"All I said was, Jacob found an orphan lobo in the woods and named it Bella!"Emmett explained.
"You said mais than that," Bella growled.
Emmett soon gave up and told me the story. I laughed and leaned in to whisper...

End of part 1:

By the time I pulled up into the garage, I was hyper-ventilating, and shaking form the sobs that racked through me. It hurt very much, but i had come an obvious conclusion. I hated to accept it, but we had to leave. as soon as possible.

Part 2:

I eventually pulled myself together enough to get out of the car, and run into the house. I ran upstairs, calling to Edward. He appeared outside the door to our room. His expression changed from calm and curious to one of worry the segundo he saw me. "Bella?!" He called in alarm. I must have looked terrible. He moved towards me, wrapping...