CHAPTER NINE: TURN AND FACE THE STRANGE...
There is this lyric from this song por Fall Out Boy. The song is I'VE GOT A DARK ALLEY OUT BACK, AND A GOOD IDEA THAT YOU SHOUOLD SHUT YOUR MOTUH (SUMMER SONG) the lyric is: "joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends" we're the kids who feel like dead ends and I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses I took a shot and didn't even come close at trust and amor and hope and the poets are just kids who didn't make it and never had it at all." And it got me thinking. . . .Why do we do what we do? Like why do we hang out with the cliques that make us popular? Or cool? Or almost cool? Or nerds? Or whatever! I mean, isn't it so. . . .Trivial?
You see whats on TV, or whats happening in books or with you and your friends and you dont THINK or SEE outside that one single world of YOUR intrests and hobbies and you dont take the time to look outside that bubble. Unless you need/want/or have to! And thats the part that makes different people different from each other. I dont know, I guess I'm goning insane!
I walked across the yard with Renesmee in my arms, and held Alice's hand in mine. I looked at Edward, who was still in the car, he had a sad but happy look on his face that MADE me want to forgive him soooooooo bad! But I couldn't! I looked away, and brought Renesmee into the house, dropping Alice's hand so she could go talk to Edward. I walked to the back room, and I closed the door behind us, and I hugged her tight.
"I missed you!" I said and she held on tight to me.
"I missed you too mom! I was sooo scared!" She confessed, and I smiled.
"I was too!" I admitted, and let her go. "Jacob is in the hospital, but if you want, you can go see him." I said and a knock came to the door. "Come in!" I said and Alice stepped in.
"I'll leave you two...dad...see you..." Renesmee said and closed the door behind her.
"Hey Alice! Whats up?" I said standing up on my feet.
"Nothing much, but Carlisle thinks that Renesmee is best to stay with us in your old room, just until this Ili girl is 'Dead And Gone.'" Alice said and I sat on my bed.
"Do it! And if its okay, I'd like to stay too!" I said and I packed Renesmee and I a bag.
"Edward huh!?" Alice said, not really asking.
"Yeah, dont really want to talk about it!" I said and gave Alice the bags. "Load up the car, I'll leave Edward a note, and then we can leave!" I said and Alice left the room calling after Renesmee. I took a pen and paper, and wrote the following:
Carlisle wants Renesmee to stay there with him and the fam. just until Ili is gone. And I told her to do it! And I think its best that we WAKE UP and see what our lives has become. I'm staying with Renesmee and the others. Just until Ili is gone. Just to clear my head, and you should do the same! I'm sorry Edward. I'll amor you FOREVER AND ALWAYS! I'm sorry! ~Bella"
I would have written 'Bella Cullen' but then it wouldnt be right. I cant stay here until Edward and I are okay. And right now, we aren't. I folded the note in half, and wrote "EDWARD" on one half. Layed it on the bed, and got into Alice's car. She pulled out of the driveway, and was about to drive away. Edward ran after the car and stopped in the yard. He held the note in his hand, had a terrified look on his face, and a forgiving look, but I couldn't. He shook his head in agreement, and waved good bye. If vampiros could cry, Edward, Renesmee, and I would be soaked in tears. I waved once, and then looked at the road ahead of us. I then looked in the mirror, and saw him go back inside our house, with the most sad look on his face I had ever seen! I looked back at the road, and let Edward and our house disappear behind us.
I got out of the car, and I grabbed my bags. Renesmee got out and did the same. Alice helped Renesmee into my room, and I put my stuff in Alice's. Jasper was staying with Edward till Ili was gone. I then will bunk with Alice. I plopped my stuff onto the bed, unzipped the bag, opened it, and stopped. I pushed the bag aside, and sat on the bed.
"God! I'm so...STUPID!" I said to no one in particular. I then fell onto the bed, and saw something shining from the sun, catching my eye. I looked at it, and saw my Wedding Ring. I smiled, and all the good memories (the wedding and the honey moon and ALL my favorito human life parts-other then the death callings) came rushing back at me REALLY super fast! I took a breather, and slipped the wedding rong off of my finger. I then looked at it glistening in the sun light that escaped the nuvem Fortress, and then I sighed once more. I then closed my eyes, and threw the ring as hard as I could at the wall. I heard a thump in it, and I opened my eyes to see the ring stuck in the wall. I then laughed in pain. I let it stay there, and kicked the bag of clothes off the bed. I then curled up under one of Alice's blankets, and just layed there. Thinking. Thinking of everything from that had happened to me ever since I moved to Forks, all the way to this point. On this bed. In this room. In this house. In this world! And it got me thinking. Did I make the right choice? Or make the wrong one? Was I right to come here to let the fog clear between me and Edward? Or was it a weak choice? I blinked at the wall, and the looked at the window and saw sunset. And I realized that Ili was still alive. And I just lost one person tonight. But I dont know who that person is. Me? Edward? Renesmee? I dont know who...yet!