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Riku114 said …
I hate dealing with trauma ngl, a lot of the time it is waaaaayyy easier to sit behind long establish disconnect from shitty experiences and let it fester until it ruins your life than it is to actually go through the hell of re-experiencing and facing the reality of shit. Posted faz 1 mês
2ntyOnePilots commented…
^ faz 1 mês
J_E_T commented…
Trauma gaio, jay and riku are stronger than you think fuck off and stop trying you bitch. faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Being alone and being lonely are two entirely different things. You may be surrounded por others, but do you truly consider any of those people your friend?  Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I am honestly glad to be a mental health guru and wizard for a lot of people and it makes me happy to be able to help as many people as I do. It makes me really happy and honestly its one of the things that helps keep me grounded to the world and thus I almost actively seek it out at this point.

But honestly, sometimes I wish I had someone who could be a mental health guru / wizard for me at times. Often times I know if I were to talk about my problems, they'd either go ignored Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
or few would be able to say anything to help or assist or comfort me. I've kinda grown painfully aware that for a lot of this, I am kind of out here on my own figuring out how to make things work, and even within therapists and psychiatrists, few do much help as much as discussion and mutual planning at this point. faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I am not upset por any means that the amount I put out to people to help them and what I receive back are not equal, to be honest thats just the way it is with rare and kinda severe mental health issues and I've grown used to and accept it. To be honest, if anything, it is one of the reasons I want to reach out and help people as much as I can faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I figure if I have to go through all the work of figuring out how to maneuver therapy, recovery, mental health, and all that with little people to guide me or help me, I can at least use my struggle and the knowledge I got from it to leave a pão crumb for others to follow faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Admittedly, I really don't know half of what I am doing or if I am doing it right when it comes to my mental health, and I just go off of what seems best with the infomration I have at hand and its done me well, but if I could one dia figure a way to a good life and if I could leave that pão crumb trail I took to get there for people to follow, then I suppose at least in a way that my struggle was actually worth it faz 2 meses
LuceOfTheLight said …
I would like to say that I am por no means planning to hide the fact that I am an alter of Riku's as much as I would prefer to be treated and respected as an individual.

With that being said, Riku and myself have a stern policy that anything that one alter does reflects on the whole system. If Riku causes problems, then it is both her and my responsibility to handle it. Likewise, if I upset you, it is both our responsibilities to handle it. Posted faz 3 meses
LuceOfTheLight commented…
While we do identify separately, we are a single unit possessing a single body and a single brain and thus are responsible for everything done as a system. I do apologize if issues to arise regarding myself or Aderis or even Riku, and we take full responsibility. So if anything regarding this becomes a problem, please be patient while Riku and I (hopefully eventually Aderis as well) figure it out faz 3 meses
LuceOfTheLight commented…
I figured that it would be beneficial for me to interact outside of the system mais often and the only reason I am currently being as active as I am is because I do not know the seguinte time I will be out. faz 3 meses
LuceOfTheLight said …
Per request I am now having a Sakamoto icon. Posted faz 3 meses
Riku114 said …
Anyone ever sit there and realize you are so fucked up and fucked over that you probably shouldn't even be alive por any logical standard? Posted faz 3 meses
Riku114 commented…
I'm proud to be alive despite it all, but really... I am so fucked up its hard to imagine. faz 3 meses
Lusamine commented…
Pain is beauty. If anything, this makes you a stronger and wiser person, mais suitable to thrive than any other. Take it as a compliment. faz 3 meses
LuceOfTheLight commented…
It is how things are for some like us. All you can do is as Lusamine alluded to. Let the pain and suffering make you a stronger wiser person. Nothing can really change the past and all you can do is mover progressivo, para a frente making the best of the hand you were dealt. faz 3 meses
Riku114 said …
>tfw you are being a #sadboi over something DID related that is so deep into it that it sounds ridiculous if you were to share it

It not that bad, Im just being kind of down and frustrated and mopey but its just a me problem tbh. >.> Posted faz 3 meses
Riku114 said …
It is almost funny how clear cut and obvious it is that my Trichotillomania picks up 40x when I am at início and around my family a lot.

When I'm at college, Ill typically only pluck in small amounts that are negligible and have maybe one large session of plucking every couple weeks or so. It lets them grow decently before being plucked and thats actually pretty good compared to the past

I come back início and every dia that I'm around them I pretty much start blank. Posted faz 3 meses
Riku114 commented…
Its really really bad to be honest. When I'm por myself I barely pluck, when I am with Kendall I near to never pluck, when I am início and around my parents, I pluck daily even if I don't want to faz 3 meses
J_E_T commented…
If your parents are around just look at them and say to yourself my beautiful hair is too damn sexy to give a shit about this. faz 3 meses
Riku114 commented…
XD I know but I wish it was like that. My amygdala just responds regardless XD faz 3 meses
Riku114 said …
Yooo guys back from my trip XD Posted faz 3 meses
J_E_T commented…
Miss your company...did you had fun? xD faz 3 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
Welcome back! Hope you had a great time !!!! faz 3 meses
Riku114 commented…
Yeah it was XD faz 3 meses
_Aderis_ said …
I am the Roast Queen. To add to that I am also the Sass queen but I prefer the Roast queen thank you very much. Posted faz 3 meses
Riku114 said …
Happy Fathers dia to everyone and for those who don't have a father figure in their life or a good one, I'll adopt you :v Posted faz 3 meses
Riku114 said …
Man I need a new ícone but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck início that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD Posted faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good dia then one word or one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. Posted faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO Posted faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
I honestly cant wait to be início in a little over a week man. Posted faz 4 meses
LuceOfTheLight said …
Riku says I have to make my ícone Sakamoto. Posted faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv faz 4 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
You really should !!!! faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered por the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me or when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. Posted faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that you don't even really know. faz 4 meses
_Aderis_ said …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A Posted faz 4 meses
_Aderis_ said …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' or 'rude' or 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but you know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing or two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. Posted faz 4 meses
_Aderis_ commented…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. faz 4 meses
_Aderis_ commented…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me or whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. faz 4 meses
_Aderis_ commented…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think you are bitches or hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized Posted faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle you and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. Posted faz 4 meses
Lusamine commented…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
Pfft right? faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if you guys are interested. Posted faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the bunda of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest Posted faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
I dunno, its just hard for me to embrulho, envoltório my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person mais than anything. faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot mais than I am required to do faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
And its like???? Wow??? faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. You can come out and make chá if you really want it Posted faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three segundos atrás :v faz 4 meses
Riku114 commented…
FYI Lucille is a chá addict faz 4 meses
Riku114 said …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. Posted faz 5 meses
Riku114 commented…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear faz 5 meses
Riku114 said …
oi dudes, for Mental Health Awareness mês I might try to post a few versions of DID perguntas and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v Posted faz 5 meses
Riku114 said …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. Posted faz 5 meses
Riku114 said …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD Posted faz 5 meses
Riku114 said …
It is a good feeling when your old friend you had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent friends left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: Posted faz 5 meses
Riku114 said …
Imma ramble about some just aleatório DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless you are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go Posted faz 5 meses
Riku114 commented…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not faz 5 meses
Riku114 commented…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my fanpop when he is out sometimes, yes this is at you :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact or revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v faz 5 meses
Riku114 commented…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets lost in time faz 5 meses
Riku114 said …
Oh oi dude! I have a topo, início Contributor thing now on my club's início page! Thats actually pretty cool XD Posted faz 6 meses
Riku114 said …
Its kind of nice being início and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - given my middle sister isnt also início Posted faz 6 meses
Riku114 said …
You know a lot of you guys are actually like a genuine family to me mais than yall probably think you all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - or at least didn't firmly dividido, dividir / solidify - before fanpop existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around you guys like one would with family Posted faz 7 meses
Riku114 said …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression or did I just dissociate from it? Posted faz 7 meses
2ntyOnePilots commented…
Ohhhh man. Relatable faz 6 meses
2ntyOnePilots said …
Ok so... I hav3 a pergunta that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? Posted faz 7 meses
Riku114 commented…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD faz 7 meses
2ntyOnePilots commented…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up faz 7 meses
Riku114 commented…
Aye drop por any perguntas XD faz 7 meses
Riku114 said …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; Posted faz 7 meses
2ntyOnePilots commented…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ faz 7 meses
GDragon612 commented…
all the best for you ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! faz 7 meses
Riku114 said …
I lowkey amor that the dia I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The dia my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD Posted faz 7 meses
Riku114 commented…
Inb4 "Oh looks like you just have a brain tumor" faz 7 meses
Riku114 commented…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD faz 7 meses
Riku114 said …
Honestly if any of you guys have any perguntas on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate perguntas Posted faz 7 meses
2ntyOnePilots commented…
I have a question. Did you ever finish the artigo you wrote, and where might I find it? lol faz 7 meses
Riku114 commented…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my list of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD faz 7 meses
Riku114 commented…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD faz 7 meses
Riku114 said …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. Posted faz 7 meses
Riku114 said …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou Posted faz 7 meses
Economnomnomics commented…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could you forget about me, Riku. faz 7 meses
Economnomnomics commented…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 faz 7 meses
Riku114 said …
Man I had a four dia weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done Posted faz 7 meses
2ntyOnePilots commented…
^ faz 7 meses
Riku114 said …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I o espaço out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands or arms or away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. Posted faz 8 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four or five years now Posted faz 8 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! faz 8 meses
simrananime said …
Joined^^ Posted faz 8 meses
Riku114 commented…
Aye sweet faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. Posted faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
That feeling when you were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that you THOUGHT you were fully present for some parts cause you forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille or Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. Posted faz 8 meses
Riku114 commented…
Like.... when you have mais than one present up in the front and are dissociated, you cant really get into life and do exactly what you want to do regularly. You cant REALLY perceive all your emotions or your needs or the world around you cause even if you are semi-present, its like there is an overload and you only get half of whats being picked up. You are kind of stuck at a skin deep level faz 8 meses
Riku114 commented…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan faz 8 meses
Riku114 commented…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend faz 8 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
Once again, I'm really happy to see you like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! faz 8 meses
heart
GDragon612 said …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 Posted faz 8 meses
Riku114 commented…
Thanks XD faz 8 meses
GDragon612 commented…
ya welcome XD faz 8 meses
GDragon612 commented…
throws faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
"I honestly just see myself mais of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from animê characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three or four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if you were to ask me. Posted faz 8 meses
heart
GDragon612 said …
just one mais fã then you got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics suco, suco de =3) Posted faz 8 meses
GDragon612 commented…
hwaiting*-*<3 faz 8 meses
GDragon612 commented…
will open<<< faz 8 meses
Riku114 commented…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
MY FIANCE SAID I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS Posted faz 8 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
Yeee! One mais person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
Me: Man I never write artigos anymore. I still have like three or four half completed artigos to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for composição literária and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand or two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. Posted faz 8 meses
Lusamine said …
Joined! Posted faz 8 meses
Riku114 commented…
Welcome! faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend Posted faz 8 meses
Lusamine commented…
I know, I was sad too. faz 8 meses
Riku114 commented…
;-; faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly por that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck por myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so you can take a break once and a while would be great Posted faz 8 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples you have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family or Friends, irl People or Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! faz 8 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed you towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to you and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! faz 8 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my início for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which you couldn't tell if you'd win or lose...I am grateful to you Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine Posted faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat pipoca and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards chá and frutas since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some frutas and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" Posted faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
Im not living am I? Posted faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
Man I havent posted on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. Posted faz 8 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
Relatable XD !!!! faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
Im in amor Posted faz 9 meses
GDragon612 commented…
with your boyfriend or your birds Rikubun <3 faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD faz 9 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
#TripleLove !!!! faz 8 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? Posted faz 9 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
link faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Personally, I identify mais masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with mais male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE fã of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once you get past 38D its really not seguro to bind faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
“I wish we met before they convinced you life is war.” Posted faz 9 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
Relatable !!!! faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
I have a cheese addiction tbh Posted faz 9 meses
Zeppie commented…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated mozzarella, mussarela I find this relatable v: faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
^^ faz 9 meses
JetBlack__ said …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
XD Im alright man XD faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good música to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't you think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord or something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. Posted faz 9 meses
2ntyOnePilots commented…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee faz 8 meses
Riku114 said …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; Posted faz 9 meses
JetBlack__ commented…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and sonhar acordado up different potential characters legit for the seguinte 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff Posted faz 9 meses
BlueDopamine commented…
ok, Anna faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
:vv Dont call me por my first name faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Or well real name I suppose XD faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a aleatório appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this or Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD faz 9 meses
Rihanna312 commented…
Welp, this is the third ano when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if you have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck Posted faz 9 meses
JetBlack__ commented…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
"There is no victory for the passive" Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Fresh Owari no Seraph perfil Posted faz 9 meses
Shukuya commented…
Looks cool! faz 9 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! faz 9 meses
JetBlack__ commented…
It’s perfect. faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's jaqueta in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty minutos later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, you just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. Posted faz 9 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
After all these, anyone who still can't see you being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
YES I AM STILL THE queen OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the dia before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly amor my fiance. The mais I think about it, the mais of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Im just lucky to have him faz 9 meses
Zeppie commented…
So sweet ❤ faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get mais of the series in the future but I dunno Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best friends with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot or something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including friends of mine at the time. faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
I remember some of my other friends at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Legit my first PROOF backed lost memory and its kinda..... odd?? faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Bruh solid natal this year. Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
I honestly hate wasting time faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. faz 9 meses
Riku114 commented…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations or not faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
oi guys I'm not dead I swear Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? Posted faz 9 meses
Riku114 said …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be mais fun just to chill with my boi faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for mais than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry forums and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can mais accurately denunciar it Posted faz 10 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
I might be kind of between fragments or something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting fanpop aleatório perguntas because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. Posted faz 10 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
SAIX DESERVES mais amor Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered por my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years atrás and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I said I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered por it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
I recover from rather fast faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
por the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
Tfw you have to talk with your therapist over why something you know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and you just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because you were freaking out over something I told you was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY dividido, dividir and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD Or maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor or anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
TFW you lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 perguntas longer than the one you will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 minutos to spare when you really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental o espaço - either that or briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that you were mais attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep you alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five segundos in faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having or only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot mais then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an hora break XD faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
Man going through your tumblr (a place you only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause you know you had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL OR BE HERE." Posted faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck You And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me faz 10 meses
Riku114 commented…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that dia XD faz 10 meses
Riku114 said …
tfw you went to the nearby campus market to get mais Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an hora after you come back you just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" Posted faz 10 meses