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Riku114 said …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I o espaço out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands or arms or away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. Posted faz 2 dias
TheLefteris24 commented…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! faz 1 dia
Riku114 said …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four or five years now Posted faz 2 dias
TheLefteris24 commented…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! faz 1 dia
simrananime said …
Joined^^ Posted faz 6 dias
Riku114 commented…
Aye sweet faz 6 dias
Riku114 said …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. Posted faz 7 dias
Riku114 said …
That feeling when you were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that you THOUGHT you were fully present for some parts cause you forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille or Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. Posted faz 7 dias
Riku114 commented…
Like.... when you have mais than one present up in the front and are dissociated, you cant really get into life and do exactly what you want to do regularly. You cant REALLY perceive all your emotions or your needs or the world around you cause even if you are semi-present, its like there is an overload and you only get half of whats being picked up. You are kind of stuck at a skin deep level faz 7 dias
Riku114 commented…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan faz 7 dias
Riku114 commented…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend faz 7 dias
TheLefteris24 commented…
Once again, I'm really happy to see you like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! faz 7 dias
heart
GDragon612 said …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 Posted faz 11 dias
Riku114 commented…
Thanks XD faz 11 dias
GDragon612 commented…
ya welcome XD faz 11 dias
GDragon612 commented…
throws faz 11 dias
Riku114 said …
"I honestly just see myself mais of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from animê characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three or four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if you were to ask me. Posted faz 11 dias
heart
GDragon612 said …
just one mais fã then you got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics suco, suco de =3) Posted faz 12 dias
GDragon612 commented…
hwaiting*-*<3 faz 12 dias
GDragon612 commented…
will open<<< faz 12 dias
Riku114 commented…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH faz 11 dias
Riku114 said …
MY FIANCE SAID I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS Posted faz 15 dias
TheLefteris24 commented…
Yeee! One mais person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! faz 13 dias
Riku114 said …
Me: Man I never write artigos anymore. I still have like three or four half completed artigos to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for composição literária and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand or two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. Posted faz 17 dias
Lusamine said …
Joined! Posted faz 18 dias
Riku114 commented…
Welcome! faz 14 dias
Riku114 said …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend Posted faz 19 dias
Lusamine commented…
I know, I was sad too. faz 18 dias
Riku114 commented…
;-; faz 17 dias
Riku114 said …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly por that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck por myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so you can take a break once and a while would be great Posted faz 24 dias
TheLefteris24 commented…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples you have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family or Friends, irl People or Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! faz 24 dias
TheLefteris24 commented…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed you towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to you and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! faz 24 dias
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! faz 23 dias
Riku114 said …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my início for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which you couldn't tell if you'd win or lose...I am grateful to you Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine Posted faz 24 dias
Riku114 said …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat pipoca and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards chá and frutas since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some frutas and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" Posted faz 25 dias
Riku114 said …
Im not living am I? Posted faz 27 dias
Riku114 said …
Man I havent posted on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. Posted faz 29 dias
TheLefteris24 commented…
Relatable XD !!!! faz 26 dias
Riku114 said …
Im in amor Posted faz 1 mês
GDragon612 commented…
with your boyfriend or your birds Rikubun <3 faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD faz 1 mês
TheLefteris24 commented…
#TripleLove !!!! faz 26 dias
TheLefteris24 commented…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! faz 25 dias
Riku114 said …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? Posted faz 1 mês
TheLefteris24 commented…
link faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Personally, I identify mais masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with mais male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE fã of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once you get past 38D its really not seguro to bind faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
“I wish we met before they convinced you life is war.” Posted faz 1 mês
TheLefteris24 commented…
Relatable !!!! faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
I have a cheese addiction tbh Posted faz 1 mês
Zeppie commented…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated mozzarella, mussarela I find this relatable v: faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
^^ faz 1 mês
JetBlack__ said …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
XD Im alright man XD faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good música to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't you think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord or something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. Posted faz 1 mês
2ntyOnePilots commented…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee faz 11 dias
Riku114 said …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; Posted faz 1 mês
JetBlack__ commented…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and sonhar acordado up different potential characters legit for the seguinte 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff Posted faz 1 mês
BlueDopamine commented…
ok, Anna faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
:vv Dont call me por my first name faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Or well real name I suppose XD faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a aleatório appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this or Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD faz 1 mês
Rihanna312 commented…
Welp, this is the third ano when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if you have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck Posted faz 1 mês
JetBlack__ commented…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
"There is no victory for the passive" Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Fresh Owari no Seraph perfil Posted faz 1 mês
Shukuya commented…
Looks cool! faz 1 mês
TheLefteris24 commented…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! faz 1 mês
JetBlack__ commented…
It’s perfect. faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's jaqueta in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty minutos later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, you just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. Posted faz 1 mês
TheLefteris24 commented…
After all these, anyone who still can't see you being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
YES I AM STILL THE queen OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the dia before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly amor my fiance. The mais I think about it, the mais of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Im just lucky to have him faz 1 mês
Zeppie commented…
So sweet ❤ faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get mais of the series in the future but I dunno Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best friends with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot or something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including friends of mine at the time. faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
I remember some of my other friends at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Legit my first PROOF backed lost memory and its kinda..... odd?? faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Bruh solid natal this year. Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
I honestly hate wasting time faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. faz 1 mês
Riku114 commented…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations or not faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
oi guys I'm not dead I swear Posted faz 1 mês
Riku114 said …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be mais fun just to chill with my boi faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for mais than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry forums and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can mais accurately denunciar it Posted faz 2 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I might be kind of between fragments or something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting fanpop aleatório perguntas because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. Posted faz 2 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
SAIX DESERVES mais amor Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered por my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years atrás and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I said I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered por it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I recover from rather fast faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
por the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Tfw you have to talk with your therapist over why something you know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and you just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because you were freaking out over something I told you was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY dividido, dividir and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD Or maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor or anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
TFW you lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 perguntas longer than the one you will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 minutos to spare when you really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental o espaço - either that or briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that you were mais attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep you alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five segundos in faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having or only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot mais then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an hora break XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Man going through your tumblr (a place you only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause you know you had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL OR BE HERE." Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck You And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that dia XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
tfw you went to the nearby campus market to get mais Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an hora after you come back you just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
"Yeah, youre probably right. [...] Were probably all insane.. broken. But whose fault is that!? The adults are the ones who broke us! You want to hear the truth? .. We're scared" ~Nagisa Shingetsu (DRAE) Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Was gonna make my perfil "Just Riku" entirely cause I felt like it but nah. I felt like mixing it up since I didnt have a Danganronpa-specific background.

... quite shockingly actually. Posted faz 2 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ I'm shocked myself !!!! faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
... I just realized now after leitura 'scientific literature' for an Animal Science Assignment a few weeks atrás that I find leitura "scientific literature" for psychiatry and psychology as just like... a hobby XD Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Just a reminder of the stream on Saturday 2 PM Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
On another note, getting a double major in Animal Science (Avian and Behavior specialization) and Psychology in 4 years seems a lot easier than Pre-Vet in 3.5 years XD Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED OUT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR FUCKS SAKE FINALLY THE AMBIGUOUS PIECES OF ANIMAL SCIENCE MATCHED. Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Okay so like I am going to complete my major in Animal Science, Avian Science Specialization and BEHAVIOR Disciplinary Focus. All of that is necessary for the Animal Science degree btw. A specialization and a Disciplinary Focus. But listen here - Im either going to minor or double major in psychology just like I used to plan to for the majority of my middle / highschool career and carry on to get a Doctorate in Animal Behavior and / or Psychology and then go into research for the both of them and essentially try to bridge the pergunta marks between animal and human psychology and see how the two could better develop, grow, and understand when looked at each other in a parallel manner. faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
This solves a lot of my issues and pretty much combines my main two interests, obsessions, overwhelming passions, and ties in my otherwise 'random' goals into a larger circle. Like one of the issues with being a Veterinarian was that I felt I would get bored being specialized in that and just working commercially and I wouldnt be learning at the rate I like to. My brain would get bored and Id start to feel like life is dull. As for genetics and convservation, it just seems fun but half baked. I wasnt passionate or THAT curious about it. BUT WHEN YOU GO INTO ANIMAL BEHAVIOR AND PSYCHOLOGY, THEY ARE BOTH HUGE PASSIONS OF MINE AND THEY ARE BOTH RATHER UNEXPLORED TERRITORIES SO THERE IS A LOT OF perguntas AND THINGS TO FIGURE OUT faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Okay enough of me being a nerd. I just felt some of youd be curious XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
But yeah for those of you that dont fully understand how problematic dissociative amnesia is when getting mental help

Therapy: So how was your week?

Me: ??????? I can check my notes if you like????????

Psychiatry: Okay lets track your progress. In the past two weeks have you felt this?

Me: ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Me: WHAT IS TWO WEEKS. HOW COULD I REMEMBER THE PAST TWO WEEKS. MAYBE IVE BEEN GOOD MAYBE I HAVENT WHO KNOWS Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I can probably maybe answer for "The past two days" confidently at best XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
On a segundo note, we have a "stale" (someone who joined the band post-Summer Retreat) and my motherly "adoptive" instincts kicked in and I think he thought I was an "upper" / "returner" for a bit until I was like "Oh yeah Im new too so I know how you feel" Posted faz 2 meses
BlueDopamine said …
97th. Was waiting to be the 100th, but knowing the growing community fanpop's active members number , this might take forever. Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Understandable XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Honestly Ive lost a member or two so its kinda been staying around 95-97 for the past long while faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Me: *rambling about anterior mental states to boyfriend* Ah... 10th grade was like the most peaceful ano even though I dont remember any of it.

Me: ....

Me: .... maybe it wasn't peaceful after all and I only say it was because of all the years, I dont remember any of 10th grade. Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
My boyfriend is too cute to be depressed or mopey when talking to on video chat Posted faz 2 meses
BlueDopamine commented…
I'm so geléia, geleia faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
The depressing thing is when you pause for a moment and realize you wont remember your own proposal. Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
"therapist: so how was your week

me: susan i just told you last time that i have dissociative amnesia i don't know how you are expecting me to answer that question"

That is such a mood Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I legit take notes faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I will take a note of this and legit not really remember it and in my session go "OH YEAH THAT lol. That was funny." faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I honest to god do not know how most of the world does it. I am trying my damn hardest here to see if I can get myself to ACTUALLY remember a significant childhood memory with genuine episodic memory and all Im getting is a factual, third person, emotionally barren, summary of what it is using the same words that I use to describe it everytime cause its how my mind registers it

How do you people remember stuff XD Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
How do you people do this XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Fun stream XD Hope you guys enjoyed it. Posted faz 2 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
I certainly did. Looking progressivo, para a frente to seguinte time as well !!!! faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Im honeslty SUPER hyped to play DRAE for those that can make it XD

I mean Im hyped for the stream but I personally amor DRAE a lot and it seems like such a fitting game to play through since there are people I know who planned to go through the story and all and I just appreciate a lot abotu the game

Plus you might get to hear me growl at [her] Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I might try to mover the weekly time an hora or two earlier to see if I can make the time work for mais people seguinte week. Currently trying to figure out a good time for everyone XD faz 2 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
A relatable feeling. Still having mixed feelings about anyone who hasn't gone through the first two Games. Regardless, having just the general idea about the first entry at least will still make the experience enjoyable enough !!!!. faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I decided Imma gather a Live National Dex on PokeBank cause someone on my floor did it and I helped them evolve the last few they needed and it sounded fun XD Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
TFW you find a song that tears you between your amor of natal and you amor of nicely edgy songs XD

Why so edgy about natal XD Its so nicely edgy that its kinda enjoyable but like :v I like it but :v Why hurt natal like this :v Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Guys Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I might amor my man mais than birds faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Idk its genuinely hard to say, but I just homestly might. Maybe notably mais idk. I shouldnt claim such things when fluffy faz 2 meses
Zeppie commented…
Fluff is the realist yo v: faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I NEED TO STOP GETTING ALL FLUFFY OVER MY MAN BEFORE BED. I NEED TO SLEEP DAMN IT Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
*collects steam cards while working on really long and tedious Animal Science artigo reading* Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I dont think anyone on here really understands how much I amor mt boyfriend and how blessed I am to have him in my life.

Lowkey may or may not now be kept up thinking about it Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I cant wait to make him my waifu officially faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Riku: *complains how tired she is*

Riku: *stays up playing Showdown with Lefteris* Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I can not stop listening to canhão in D XD Its too peaceful Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
.... why do I have a better emotional memory for my RP characters than I do for my own life?

XD Like Ive always loved Pachbell's canhão in D, but there was a really sweet scene over a wedding in one of my RPs where it was played and the sheer joy, happiness, and warm peace amongst chaos and terror for the groom was just so great and it boosted how much I loved canhão in D Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Maybe I RPed so much it was bad for me and encouraged dissociation, maybe the reason I could get THAT far into feeling the emotions of my characters came at a huge cost, but I wont say I dont have some good memories and emotions through them. Especially during a time when everything else in the world was distant, numb, and empty. Sure it probably caused some harm, but in the moment it was the savior to my world and I did get some good memories - albiet not mine - out of it faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I used to be a severe maladaptive daydreamer faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
For those that haven't kept up with the polls, if anyone wants to cadastrar-se in and watch me play through some games, I will probably be playing games on Saturdays Pacific Coast Time.

I think this week I might start Danganronpa Another Episode again for you all XD Time is still to be determined

It depends if I am kept in the football game or not. Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
link faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I think Lefteris caught a lot of the first playthrough I did XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
And Imma go through [her] again for yall to share the game with you XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Im so honestly sleep deprived. How am I awake rn? XD Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
I'm a Queen. Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Nah not really though XD Im so weak to flirtatious begging though. ((Also may have been a bit of a residue from calming down from a snap to which I was five segundos from making my dad grovel)) faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Honestly, for those that know, Lacie from Pandora Hearts looks almost scarily like Aderis so Im usually really careful about using her icon, but I kind of feel like its a good fit for my mood and honestly I amor Lacie XD faz 2 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
#Himedere !!!! faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Ah yes, it wouldnt be me coming início if my dad doesnt throw something.

RIP the cute japanese animal cup Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Actually I dont think the cup broke cause its probably like some really good plastic or something but now theres wine all over the floor which IS NOT my problem. faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Honestly tho. Great boyfriend helped a lot XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
APPARENTLY WE GOT A NEW BIRD TO THE FLOCK Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Awwwww Avery and Lucy were preening each other in an awkward manner XD Seems like they MIGHT be dating XD

Well mais like Lucy was preening Avery buuuuut XD Its cute. Theyre growing up. Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
.... HMMM

>goes início and back to college for three weeks before coming back for Christmas
>has a paper due on the 30th
>has a week of marching practice for the last game on the 1st
>has finals on the third week
>dying? Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Also behind as hell in Chem XD But yeah. Ill figure it out XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Also the thing about my therapist is that he calls me out on somethings. Such as "You use your memory as an excuse a lot but you can remember. You just dont want to. And even if you dont know how, it doesnt mean you cant."

Im not going to lie. I kinda try to hide it from myself but there are some occasions that I know that if I push I CAN remember something but there is a lot of natural resistance to it and just an extreme distaste to thinking about it even just on the surface level so Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I often allow myself to go "Welp, it took mais than five segundos and a tiny tiny bit of effort to remember. Guess I cant remember it". Its not always an excuse that I try to keep from admitting to myself that its an excuse, because a lot of the time I really cant or I can only barely remember or I just flat out dont know how to find the memories or how to connect with the emotions of the time faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
But I do know I compulsively let myself throw the "Cant remember it. Guess we cant think about it" really quickly and often prematurely. faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Im in a constant journey of going to things I find normal and being ".... is that normal or is that part of my messed up mental health" faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Its weird. Being início literally feels like I was moved to an entirely different world but in a like... good way I think?

Was I really that shit bunda dissociated to hell and back at college? Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
It honestly makes college just seem like some odd dream I had or something like that. Its really odd. I mean its not THAT odd for me since cognitive distortions and attachment to the world / my memory has always been odd faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
MY ANKLE HURTS LIKE SHIT FOR SOME REASON XD

I mean it is my hurt one but like :v Its been recovering and suddenly it started hurting again ;-; Posted faz 2 meses
SilentForce commented…
Did you overwork it? faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Probably tbh XD faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Kill me XD Jkjk faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Honestly Im kinda glad I have gotten better at keeping myself from freaking out / getting depressed over things I can't control and things I know Ill manage / survive through. Not to say I do it all the time as well as Id like, but it saves me a lot of breakdowns that quickly build upon one another

Probably a good part of it is actually being on medication, but it is also a good part also just handling myself better I imagine. Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Cause when you let your opportunity to relax or have fun because something makes you upset, you get even mais upset cause of that and it just builds up like a mountain that just doesnt work faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
So yeah. Kinda figured out that for the seguinte two years I might be stuck between working and being uncomfortable and relatively isolated to being extremely drained and a bit easily overwhelmed until I can get my boyfriend up north and thus have my environment mais stable faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
Cause uncontrolled unplanned breakdowns are bad, but like... controlled, timed ones are really helpful and useful when you dissociate a lot and can get comfortable enough. faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
.... Ive been away from início for two months and it legit feels like I was only gone for maybe a week at most save for the first few minutos of "Holy shit human touch".

Like Im not saying "Everythings just as it was left" cos there actually isnt much. It just legit feels like that whole time vanished :v I know I was at college for two months and it was long and tiring :v Weeeiiiirrrddd Posted faz 2 meses
Riku114 commented…
I swear to fucking god XD My brain better not throw away those two months already. Theres some interesting shit there :v faz 2 meses
Riku114 said …
Dude so excited to go início tomorrow XD I get to see my birds again as well as my boyfriend and even some of my old band kids probably \(-- 3 -)/ Posted faz 3 meses
TheLefteris24 commented…
That is great to know. Have a good time. Make the most of it !!!! faz 3 meses
Riku114 said …
Bad Memory?

Cons: A lot of things mainly obvious

Pro: I can still be surprised at the end of an animê Ive already watched twice over Posted faz 3 meses
Riku114 said …
.... to be entirely honest I dunno how braced Ill be for Smokey's inevitable death in like.... 5-15 years from now :v

Like Im alright not taking her with me since shes considerably old and well integrated into the current flock cause the mover up north could be dangerous for her and cos my mom can take care of them well, but I dunno. She was a major part of the good things of my childhood that I dunno. Posted faz 3 meses
Riku114 said …
For all of you that dont really understand how old parrotss live, even cockatiels, one of the shortest living parrots, Smokey, potentially one of the oldest that I got in the summer of 3rd-4th grade ((was probably a little under a ano old))

I got her when I was about 8. Shes currently about 10 years old, maybe a bit older. She will live anywhere from until Im.... 23 up to 38.

Lucy, who hatched July 2017, is a little over one ano and will live until Im 42 if cared for right. Posted faz 3 meses
Riku114 commented…
Maybe even longer for both of them. faz 3 meses