So Im back again with another ramble - just something that I was thinking about after watching a play through of a game that talked about the topic and I dont think I really ever shared my personal thoughts and views on it. I’ve shared that I’ve dealt with ideas of it, dealt with a few people around me attempting (luckily failing), and multiple suicide notes as well as how to deal with friends coming to you with the full intent on killing themselves, but I never really talked about how I see it and my thoughts on it… and honestly its because my thoughts on it are very complex and hard to fit into proper words.

It really isnt something so easy to say as “suicide is bad” - por all means, Im not endorsing it - but as someone with experience with severe depression, anxiety, and mental health problems, and as someone who was heavily suicidal in the past before, I really cant say that. Suicide isnt a good thing to happen to anyone, may it being their own suicide or someone they know, but just thinking about it, its not something you can just write off like that.

Suicide is an escape from what feels unbearable. Its a release from a situation that is taxing, tiring, ruined, and seemingly unfixable. Its a break and relief from the horrible torture and monotony that life can bring. Its a freedom from the grasps of a poor mental state and freedom from everything that has haunted you. Its grasping control and power over your life when you feel you’ve lost all control.

I understand that. I empathize. I relate. Sometimes, even in recent days, I cant be sure I can argue why it is we should be so steadfast on living. There is no grounds to state what we experience is real. Theres no point in being happy when we all die in the end. There often feels like there is mais struggle in the daily world than its worth to keep the body functioning. And in the end, when you are bound to die anyways, why bother struggling to live as everyone ends up in the same place anyways?

Personally… I get it. But at the same time as charming that the lure and glow of death can be, theres something about life that just comes around a lot. I wrote a long thing about this two years atrás for school, but life provides so much to experience if you forced yourself to go and enjoy it no matter how evil and dark the world might look. The world might not be real. Life might call for a lot of struggles and demand a lot to keep it por yourside, but it also opens up a world of experiences that, real or not, are something that cant be so simply undermined. With life, you can see the plants, the animals, bond with others, laugh, cry, inspire, comfort, run, play, sleep, dream…. There is so much that life offers if you are willing to work with it.

And while that is true, I do realize that you dont just wake up one dia and decide you want to be friends with life. You dont wake up one dia and decide you dont want to die, or that you arent depressed. To be honest, even I, as well put together as I appear, have at least one passive thought of suicide every other day. Sometimes its more. Sometimes it isnt passive, and sometimes it isnt simple ideation. It doesn’t just go away like magic just because you want it to go away. Life is hard like that, and the simplest of things can send one spiraling back no matter how far up they get.

What it is though, what the power and decision that could be made, is the decision to never give in. The decision to trust in the future that things will get better. The decision that no matter what comes your way or how bad you feel, you will hold to yourself and just keep trying to live each dia por whatever means it costs.

The decision to live until the seguinte day, and then do it again every dia until you get there.

Because honestly, no matter how bad your life is right now. No matter how bad you feel right now, there is plenty that can still come in the future.

I don’t know who is leitura this, so saying “there are people who will miss you” honestly isnt necessarily true to everyone. If you are leitura this, I can say there are probably people who will miss you, and especially since you are on my club, I will say I probably will miss you at the very least if you were to die. But even for those that dont believe anyone will miss them today, agree with me that you will live and I will promise you, there will definately be people who amor you and care for you mais than you can ever imagine. There will be people who will most definitely miss you and be forever thankful that you didn’t take your life back when you were younger.

You may never make a huge impact on the world. Your existence might be meaningless in the grand spectrum of the universe. Its true, theres nothing you can do about that, but each single person changes everyone’s world around them. You might not be remembered for all of eternity, but at the very least, everyone who you know and everyone you come in contact with will carry a bit of you on forever. At some point in your life, you might turn to find that your existence has changed someone’s perspective on life and how they’ve lived for all eternity without you even knowing. Or perhaps that dia has yet to come, but the future holds endless possibilities.

Really though, I don’t know exactly where I am going with this… but don’t give up to the struggles that you face today. Suicide is tempting and alluring. It sounds peaceful, and honestly, it probably is. But if you are bound to die in the end anyways, why not try to extend the limited time we have on this world out to take all that it has to offer you. If death is what you want, let it come at its own pace and until then, commit yourself to not giving up and instead having faith in what the world has to offer. The future is vast, and while it can be full of darkness, pain, and suffering, it also offers a world of light, love, and peace as well. Why not enjoy it while the limited trial still stands.