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"My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."


"Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."


"Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."


"Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."


"Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a árvore and misplaced his hip."


"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."


"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."


"Megan could not come to...
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1. Guys may be flirting around all dia but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

2. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

4. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

5. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

6. Guys amor their moms or grandmas.

7. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

8. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

9. Beware. Guys can make gossips...
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posted by ilovepenguins
1. At the airport, wear a uniform and claim you are the pilot, get annoyed if they don't believe you but DONT give up, see how far you can get ( WARNING, may result in you being arrested)

2. Whilst boarding the plane, say in a loud voice "THAT WING SURE DOES LOOK RUSTY!!"

3. When everyone is seated, do your own demonstration of what to do in an emergency, let this include 'comical' situations such as "in the (likely) event of the plane setting alight and becoming a plummeting fireball of death, please remember to tighten your seatbelt" look surprised when you are the only one laughing.

4. when...
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DEMENTED POEMS

rosas are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit

rosas are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cuz here comes my willy

rosas are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your shirt
And show me your tits

rosas make me laugh
Violets make me titter
You're a dirty bitch
And you amor it up the shitter

rosas are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You're about to get fisted

rosas are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I've just cum
Pass me a hanky

rosas are red
It's elementary
Let's ring your best friend
And try double entry

rosas are shit
Violets are crap
Show me your clit
And I'll cum in your lap

rosas are red
Skidmarks are brown
Give me a blow job
And andorinha it down

rosas are groovy
Violets are funky
I'm thinking of you
And spanking my monkey
posted by anime123rox
1. point a hairdryer and see if people put their hands up

2.pin your socks up on the wall

3.where all your clothes in)side out

you guys finish it off :)........................................................................................................................,..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
just got this while browsing the net

1.I was kidnapped por terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn't have time to do it.

2.I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to my teacher's heavy workload.

3.A bunch of nerds roubou it to make sure theirs were completely perfect.

4.We ran out of toilet paper at my house last night, and my Dad isn't feeling so good. He grabbed it in a big rush and I haven't seen it since.

5.My mother took it to have it framed.

6.It was in my back pocket and a pickpocket roubou it.

7.I let somebody copy it but they never gave it back.

8.My mom's whooping cough vaccination...
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This was definitely the most difficult list I've made so far. I even made a few changes when I was deciding the ranking. You can obviously tell that this wasn't easy and took A LOT of dedication in order for me to figure it out. First of all, I will only be talking about the topo, início 10 and just listing the other women and showing pictures. I figured that it not only makes it easier for me to make but also makes it easier for you guys to read and not be overwhelmed. I hope you enjoy it and keep in mind this is just my personal opinion. Please don't forget to comment and I can't wait to hear what...
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posted by Bluekait
French Fries are deep fried in horse oil in France.

Kittens are born with blue eyes, but change when they get older.

People born in November are mais likely to become serial killers.

Everything you see is actually upside down and your brain just flips it around.

You can't actually multi-task.

Easily distracted people are the ones who are the most creative.

When a person appears in your dreams, that person misses you.

Music can lead teens to depression.

You are mais likely to dream when you are depressed.

Your odor is as unique as your fingerprint.

If you tear off paper from bottles, you are sexually...
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posted by FlufflyHands
Everyone is putting stuff up about Walmart, I was smart enough to think of CVS :D (I made these up on my own with no one elses help btw)

1. Resort the medicine aisle

2. Run around like an idiot until you are told to stop, once the person who stopped turns around do it again, repeat this process until your told to leave, then run out like an idiot

3. Go up to the cash register and tell the clerk that someone is "poaching" medicine, then run out of the store

4. Take the magazines you see and tear them to pieces, then go up to the front (were the cash register is) and throw the pieces up the air and...
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posted by australia-101
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1. You can't count your hair.
2. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3. You can't breathe when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in fool!!!


10 Things I know about you...

1) You are leitura this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter P without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You're laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped #5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a #5.
9) You laugh at this because you are an idiot & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to re-post this to see who else falls for it (Hee-Hee!)

Let me know if you fell for it! :)
posted by awesomeblossom1
Here's some of my fave "I wasnt that drunk" jokes hope you like :)
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when you heard someone talking on the intercom, you fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give you a ride início and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a cogumelo and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples...
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posted by fanfly
A while back I wrote an artigo about link. I've decided to follow it up with a tutorial on how to make icons! They're actually much the same- the major difference is size.

You will need an image editing program. I use Corel Paint comprar Pro but I think most people use Photoshop.

There's also the following online programs but I've never used them and this tutorial isn't necessarily meant to be used with them because I have no idea what these programs are capable of doing.

link
link
link




the Size of Your ícone Matters


Now this part is extremely important and I can't tell you how many ícones I've seen that...
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When having a nightmare and you suddenly realized you're dreaming, try not to wake up. Try to explore your dreams...this is cool because you're getting to know that all of those things around you are made por your brain which you sometimes think is completely empty... Also if you know you're dreaming, you can control your dream and you will find it very cool because when you're conscious in your dream, everything is in 3D form. So here are some cool and fun things to do when you suddenly realized you're dreaming...

1. Try to think of your favorito celebrity. Call out his/her name..like this,"When...
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posted by dodo4
This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare



The words of truth are always paradoxical.
- Lao Tzu

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu

The wise man does not lay up his own treasures.
The mais he gives to others, the mais he has for his own.
- Lao Tzu

Nothing is softer or mais flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.
- Lao Tzu

Silence is a fonte of great strength.
- Lao Tzu

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

The cave you...
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Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this assento empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: oi baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the world...
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posted by vlad_todd_fan
This is A TRUE STORY AND IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON YOU DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All dia long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...
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20. Yoruichi Shihoin from "Bleach" Cool, Smart, fast, strong and she can turn into a cat, Yoruichi is the bomb. Even her former student Soi-Fon loves and respects her.
 The MASTER of female shinigami.
The MASTER of female shinigami.

19. Kushina Uzamaki from "Naruto" The mother of the main character Kushina get's little time in the sires cause she's dead but that doesn't stop her from being totally kick bunda in life.
 The red hot-blooded habanero.
The red hot-blooded habanero.

18. Mana from "Yu-Gi-Oh!" My favorito Yu-Gi-Oh girl...Fun, pretty and AWESOME. Mana is one of the strongest and few girls in this sires about guys.
 The original dark magician girl.
The original dark magician...
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1. Q."Can I screw you?"
A.I would say: "No..."

2. Q/M."Would you mind if I read this?"*Holds up some porn magazine*
A. I would say: "I don't give a da**..."

3. Q/M. *Hugs you and takes a little something off you would like him not to*
A.I would slap him and say "Don't do that, da** it!"

4. Q. "Are you sure we can't f***?"
A. I would say: "If you say that agin...I swear I'm going to get ticked..."
5. Q. "That somehow arouses me..."
A. I would say:"Get aroused all you want, not like I care if you are or aren't...As long as you don't jump around..."

6. Q. "I want to sign your shirt..."
A. I would say:...
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posted by xxXsk8trXxx
Abbaye de Belloc
Abbaye de Citeaux
Abbaye du Mont des gatos
Abertam
Abondance
Acapella
Ackawi
Acorn
Adelost
Affidelice au Chablis
Afuega'l Pitu
Airag
Airedale
Aisy Cendre
Allgauer Emmentaler
Alverca
Ambert
American Cheese
Ami du Chambertin
Anejo Enchilado
Anneau du Vic-Bilh
Anthoriro
Appenzell
Aragon
Ardi Gasna
Ardrahan
Armenian String
Aromes au Gene de Marc
Asadero
Asiago
Aubisque Pyrenees
Autun
Avaxtskyr
Baby Swiss
Babybel
Baguette Laonnaise
Bakers
Baladi
Balaton
Bandal
Banon
Barry's baía Cheddar
Basing
Basket Cheese
Bath Cheese
Bavarian Bergkase
Baylough
Beaufort
Beauvoorde
Beenleigh Blue...
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posted by IsabellaMCullen
Found this on the net. If it's been posted here before (Because I'm not sure if it has) let me know and I'll remove it...


1. Go to order a large popcorn(like the biggest one they have). When they give it to you, look at it, then throw it on the floor angrily and start crying for no reason.

2. Wait until there's a funny part in the movie. When the laughter starts to die down, scream at the topo, início of your lungs.

3. Before the movie starts, sit near the front. Start moaning loudly and dancing wildly.

4. At the end of the movie, when the credits are rolling, stand up quickly and try to convince everyone...
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