A friend told me this a ano ago.(he was 10 years old)
There once this three guys named Shut up, Crap and Manners.One dia Crap got sick and went into the hospital and Manners took him,but Manners car broke down so he called Shut up to pick him up.So while Shut up was driving to pick up Crap and Manners,he got pulled over por a cop for speeding. The cop asked him "What is your name" and then he said "Shut up" the cop asked him "What is your name" he said once again "Shut up" and the cop asked him a third time" what is your name" he said once again "Shut up" and the cop asked "where's your manners" then Shut up said "picking up Crap"
Yes I know it's a bit corny but it's the best I got. :D
there was once this girl in Sunday school. she kept falling asleep so the teacher woke her up and asked "who died for our sins?" the boy behind the girl poked her with a pencil and she yelled "oh God!!!"
the teacher went on and the girl fell asleep again. well, the teacher woke her up again and asked her "who died for our sins?" once again the boy behind her poked her with a pencil and she yelled "oh sweet jesus!!!"
the teacher continues again and the girl falls asleep again. the teacher wakes her up and asked "what did Eve say to Adam after their 57th child?" the boy behind the girl poked her again. this time she answered "you stick that thing in me again and i'll break it off!!!"
and if your wondering, yes it does sound better in person.
ok lets see if i can remember this one...a friend told me this it was really funny to me
A pirate goes into a pet store to buy a parrot. The pet store only had one and the pirate took him. The pirate takes him início and says "alright lets see what you can do." the pirate hold a biscoito, bolacha in front of the papagaio and says "polly want a cracker." The papagaio says "fuck you one eye." The pirate then says "ok lets try this again, polly want a cracker." The papagaio then says "fuck you one eye." The pirate gets angry and says "you know what fuck this." The pirate puts the papagaio in the freezer for five minutos then takes him out and said "ok lets try this again, polly want a cracker." The papagaio says "f-f-fuck you one eye." Then the pirate puts the papagaio in the freezer for 15 minutos then takes him out again the says "now, polly want a cracker." The papagaio is now freezing and says "f-f-f-f-fuck you one eye." So the pirate puts the papagaio back in the freezer for 30 minutos then looks and sees the papagaio Frozen - Uma Aventura Congelante with one wing covering his eye and its middle finger sticking up.
one dia a married couple had sex and then the woman looked under the sheet and saw that the man had a cucumber.she asked him,"do you always do that?" he answered "yes" so the woman replied "then explain to me our two kids."
ok dumb blonde joke (im blonde too, so dont freak ok?) a brunette and a blonde were on a desert island. a ginie apeared said he'ed give them each one wish. the brunette said, ' i miss home. i wish i could go home'. so she went safely home. the blonde said, 'i miss my friend. i wish she was back here'.
this one is por zanhar. knock knock whos there? you know you know who? yes! AVADA KADAVRA!
(forgive me if I put in on here wrong. It was a joke from my sis's iPod.)
So there were two little boys playin in a field. When one of the boys went to fetch their ball from a clump of bushes, he spotted a women bathing in a stream. He motions for the other boy to cadastrar-se him and after a bit the boy turns and runs away. The other boy catches up to him and asks why he ran away. The boy replied: "My mom said that if I ever say a naked lady I would turn to stone and I felt something get hard so I ran."
Yeah I probably typed in wrong :/. Oh well if you get it, you get it.
A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman seguinte to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black cinto, correia in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting seguinte to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!" *Nobody stands up* Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!" *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."
Police: where do u live? Me: with my parents Police: where does ur parents live? Me: with me Police: where do u all live? Me: together Police: where is ur house? Me: seguinte to my neighbors house Police: where is your neighbors house? Me: if i tell you u wont believe me. Police: tell me Me: seguinte to my house