You want me to tell you if I like it or not? Ok. I don't. Now I suppose I should go into the reasons why, yeah?
1.) Grammar. It was non-existant. Lack of proper grammar is a pet peeve of mine. Use the shift key. Write in sentences.
2.) The characters had no life. They were cliche and boring and acted exactly average. If you're going to create a character and write a story, make it different. Interesting. Mary Sues are a big no-no.
3.) This really wasn't even a story at all, or even a play. It was just lines that were being said. Use descriptions, use the five senses to describe the scene and the people, add action, let the reader see all that is happening.
What? You asked my opinion. You can't get angry over something you said you wanted. I won't pet you and feed your ego if your composição literária isn't amazing.
