posted by windwakerguy430
Long ago, in the magical land of Po- What… this place actually has a creative name? Oh… well then… Long atrás in the magical land of Equestria, there were two alicorn sisters. The eldest was one of the most beautiful of the two, who raised the sun. Everyone respected her and cared for her. Then the youngest was an emo, I think. No one cares about her. She raised the moon and stuff. Big deal. Anyway, the eldest was real awesome, and had hundreds of followers on Twitter, and stuff. Then, one day, the youngest sister had a cow and turned into Nightmare Moon. So, the eldest sister banished Nightmare Moon to the moon… Heh, get it… Oh, and there was some Elements of Harmony. I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention. anyway, that’s why I am no longer aloud in the state of Maryland… wait, what was I talking about?
Our hero, Twilight, was leitura from her books against, trying to figure out why this story sounded so familiar. Probably because its needed to be familiar so the first episode can have a plot. Twilight then ran to her home, and, like she does every other day, she hit Spike in the face with the door, while she yelled, “Slave? Slave? Where are you”?
Spike then got up and said, “I told you, Twilight, my name is Spike”.
Twilight, not listening, said, “Slave, find me The Book Of Cartoon Show Plot Lines”.
Spike looked around on the shelf, and found the book, then fell and hit his face on the ground, while Twilight took the book and said, “I knew I’d find the book. Slave, you’re useless”.
“I think I broke my face”, said Spike. Twilight then read the book and found out about some Mail in the Moon or something… why am I the narrator again. So, Twilight asked Spike to write a letter. Twilight said, “Dear Princess Celestia. Since I am the only pónei, pônei in Equestria who has any brain cells, I have discovered that Nightmare Moon is going to come and destroy us all. And since I am smart, you have to listen to everything I say. So, I do hope you can help… of course, I am a genius. You don’t have a saying in this. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle”.
Spike then sent the letter, which was instantly sent back. Twilight said, “Slave, read it to me”.
Spike then took a good five minutos to clear his throat, he then looked at the letter, took a deep breathe, and read, “Dear Twilight. F**k you. Get out of Canterlot now”. Twilight then gasped in horror and said, “How dare she have a saying in this”.
Twilight was forced out of Canterlot and sent to Ponyville. The letter explaining this said, being read por Spike, “Twilight, I have grown tired of you self centered ego, and I am sending you to Ponyville to learn some manners. Signed, your teacher and Fascist dictator, Princess Celestia”.
Once they reached the ground, Twilight said, “How am I supposed to not have a massive ego. I am the main character, I am the most powerful pónei, pônei here, I am the Princess’s topo, início student, I have an amazing IQ, my brother is captain of the guards, and I am going to be a Princess myself in a few episodes. How can I NOT have an ego”.
Spike then said, “Twilight, just try not to be a brat for once”.
A rosa, -de-rosa pónei, pônei with poofy hair walked by, and Spike said, “Come on, Twilight, just try”.
Twilight thought about trying, and she said, “Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle. I have incredible IQ, so I already surpass you at life. So, you might as well be bowing before me, along with the rest of the neanderthals in this town”.
Suddenly, the rosa, -de-rosa pónei, pônei then gasped and ran off. Twilight said, Sheesh. What was that about. I wasn’t THAT mean”.
Twilight and Spike headed to this one farm. Twilight said, “A farm? So these cavemen have managed to adapt to agriculture. Fascinating”.
Suddenly, an laranja pónei, pônei with a hat began to kick ables out of a tree. Twilight simply thought, “Oh, every pónei, pônei but me. Their so stupid, they go and kick trees”.
The laranja pónei, pônei then began to shake Twilight’s hand and said in a Southern accent, “Well, howdy. Welcome to Sweet maçã, apple Acres. Mah names maçã, apple Jack”.
Twilight said, “A Southern Accent. That automatically makes you an idiot. Tell me, do you sleep with your brother”.
maçã, apple Jack said, “Oh, yer such a kidder. Well, that’s city folk, Ah guess. Say, would ya like ta cadastrar-se us fer lunch”.
Twilight said, “Sorry, but, I don’t eat pigs”.
Suddenly, a small filly said, “Oh, pretty please stay”.
Twilight saw that the filly had big eyes, with a sad expression on her face. Twilight said, “Oh, I can’t say no to a face like that… instead, I will say f**k no” and she walked off.
Twilight was walking through the town, when suddenly, something crashed into her. Twilight saw a blue pónei, pônei witha arco iris, arco-íris mane. The pónei, pônei said, “Hey, watch where your walking. You should learn to get out of my way. I’m arco iris, arco-íris Dash, and I’m too cool to crash into losers like you”,
Twilight said, “How dare you be the cadela, puta of this parody. That’s MY job. Not yours. So, why don’t you go and be a cadela, puta to everyone so you can impress some guys, Rainblow D**k”
And, as if on cue, a pónei, pônei walking por stood back and said, “Oh, snap”.
And with that, arco iris, arco-íris Dash flew off, and tried to hide how hurt she was por that comment.
Twilight walked into a boutique and said, “These apes even have clothing. Quite impressive”.
Spike then said, “She’s so beautiful”.
Twilight said, “What are you talking about”.
Spike then said, “Her”.
Twilight saw he was talking about a white unicorn with a beautiful purple mane. Twilight said, “Oh, shut up, Slave. You aren’t aloud to love”.
The pónei, pônei then said, “EVERYTHING UGLY MUST DIE… Oh, hello, how may I help you”.
Twilight said, “Well, I see you can make clothes and…. that’s about it”.
The pónei, pônei said, “Oh, yes, that is me, Rarity. I make everything beautiful. Everything must be beautiful. Ha ha ha” She then said quietly, “And everything ugly must die”.
Twilight said, “Well, I see you are busy being completely insane, so, you have fun with that and stuff” and she walked out.
Twilight was walking down the road when she saw a yellow pónei, pônei cantar to birds. She then saw Twilight, and felt shy about talking to her. Twilight said, “Hey, pónei, pônei that is talking to animals, stop being stupid” and she kept walking. Suddenly, the pónei, pônei saw Spike on Twilight’s back, then rushed over to it and said, “Oh my gosh, a baby dragon. Hello, my name’s Fluttershy”.
Twilight then said, “Hey, Flutterbitch. Get your own slave. This ones mine”.
Spike then said, “HELP ME”!
Twilight had already walked home, saying, “Well, my studies have proven that every pónei, pônei in this town is an idiot. And I am going to be this town mosia and lead it to enlightenment. The religion will be Twilitism and everyone will worship me as their god and-”
Suddenly, a bunch of ponies jumped out and said, “Surprise”.
The rosa, -de-rosa pónei, pônei from before then jumped over to her and said, “Oh, hey, I’m Pinkie Pie. I amor parties, and frosting, and balloons, and streamers, AND MURDER…. Oh, and cupcakes. I amor them. ESPECIALLY WHEN MURDER IS INVOLVED… What’s your name”.
Twilight said, “Mr. Go-F**k-Yourself”.
Pinkie Pie said, “Oh, that’s an awesome name”.
Now, as the narrator, I should be narrating this story word for word… but the bar is opening soon and I want my money, so, I’m going to go as fast as possible. Nightmare Moon comes, kidnaps Celestia, Twilight and those insane people she met cadastrar-se her, they go through the woods, go into some temple and s**t. They use the Helements of Armory or whatever it was. They turn Nightmare Moon into Luna. Celestia comes. Their sisters. They go back to ponyville. Party.
Twilight then said, “I did it. I did it all por myself. I am the best”.
maçã, apple Jack said, “Well, we did it, sugarcube”.
Twilight said, “What’s this “We” s**t. F**k you, glory hog. I did all the work”.
maçã, apple Jack laughed and said, “Oh, you and yer jokes”.
Celestia said, “Twilight, did you learn anything from your adventure”?
Twilight said, “Yes, I did. I learned that I am the only one who is of any use, and I am basically the mosia of this world. I can even overpower you. I am the best, I was right the whole time, you are all a bunch of idiots, and you will all praise Twilight Sparkle”.
Celestia, now mais angry than ever, just made Twilight disappear. She then said, “I’m sorry to have put you through all that Luna”.
Luna said, “Oh, it’s okay. I’m just glad he’s gone. That o espaço Core was annoying
Twilight was left on the moon, with nothing but a small core screaming, “SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCEEEEE”!
And so, this show managed to gain massive popularity, earning dozens of fãs who were treated as well as the rest of the planet.
“MAN, WHAT THE F**K WAS THAT GAY BRONY S**T! WINDWAKERGUY IS A F**KING IDIOT FOR MAKING THIS! HE SHOULD SLIT HIS WRIST AND KILL HIMSELF! I HOPE HE DIES………………. He needs to make mais WYTs