Chapter Seventeen
*Sam*
This morning just doesn’t sit right with me, from the moment I woke up I was in a grump, and not the I haven’t had my coffee yet type but the I just made a fool of myself last night slash have to face people I don’t want to face slash where the hell are my favourite jeans grump.
Elena watches me slump around the room and I try to act more… chipper, I don’t know, mais like me. Not this woman, this grown woman, who can barely put one foot in front of the other, who’s brain is racing so fast I can barely speak without stumbling over the words.
I groan in frustration. Seriously, where are those jeans? And what was Julian thinking, he was the one who came to my house late at night, he was the one who put his hands all over me and then, what, just left me there? I groan again and knock the pile of clothes off the mesa, tabela “where are those jeans?”
“The ones you’re wearing Mommy?”
I turn slowly to face Elena, she sits at the mesa, tabela licking her spoon with an innocent smile, and I place a hand on my hip, my hand opens and feels the denim under them. Looking down I see the jeans that cling tightly to my thighs. I am a mess. Julian comes into my life and I become a brainless mess, standing there in my bra and jeans, with my daughter staring at me I start to laugh. It’s uncontrollable.
Elle wrinkles her tiny little nose, “What’s so funny?”
“I am” I tell her, still laughing I walk up behind her and ruffle her dark hair, grabbing the seguinte chair I flip it around and sit down, taking the brush off the mesa, tabela I start to carefully untangle her hair. Elena places her spoon down and leans back, her eyes closing, “did I ever tell you about my foster mom, hmm?” I ask her, parting her hair I brush one half into a pónei, pônei and pull a purple lackey from my wrist and tie it around.
“Nuh-uh” she respostas and is smart enough not to shake her head, as I create the segundo pónei, pônei I continue the story “her name was Brooke, she lived in a big house and had a big smile-”
“Was she nice?”
“The nicest” I confirmed and pulled Elena’s chair around to look into her eyes, I am not sure why I am telling her about Brooke. Most likely because I know I’ll have to face my former foster mother soon. “Now how about you go brush those teeth of yours” I change the subject realising I’m not really ready to talk about this. It was easy with Julian. I felt like he got me, it’s stupid. I shake my head at myself and watch Elena run off.
“Elle, slow it down”
When I get back up and reach for a camisa something catches my eye, I pull the blusa on and quickly button it up while walking around the mesa, tabela and over to the couch. There on the floor is an abandoned man’s suit shirt, and like a teenager I bring it to my nose and sniff. It smells like Julian, I cannot pinpoint exactly what the aroma is, his cologne mixed with something spicy and that earthy smell that is just his which is aleatório because Julian is the least outdoorsy person I know. How am I meant to face him again knowing he’d seen me like that and walked away? He just left! Anger boils inside me once again.
As angry as I am I still fold the camisa up and place it on the arm of the couch, smoothing its creases before walking away.
Five minutos later I am dressed ready to go and Elle is watching cartoons, at the mesa, tabela I drum my fingers against the surface while the phone is to my ear. For some reason I turn slightly when Sylvia picks up, as if having my back to Elena magically means she can’t hear me, “hi, it’s Sam”
“Why does that not sound reassuring?”
Instead of answering I sigh, loudly, am I that obvious.
“Sam, if this is about the case I can find someone else if you don’t want to be involved, I understand that it’s a very emotional one-”
“No” I’m a little loud and quickly eye Elena before lowering my voice “it’s not that I don’t want to do it, it’s just mais complicated than first thought, and maybe you won’t want me to be involved”
“Sam?”
“I know them”
“The whole world knows of them Sam, I told you it was high profile” and she chuckles a bit, usually Sylvia is quicker. Rolling my eyes I say again, “I know them”
She is silent for a while and then “how well do you know the Scott’s?” she sounds nervous and confused.
I take a deep breath, “have I ever told you about my foster mom”
“The one who took you in at fifteen and saved you from yourself, once or twice… don’t tell me she was…”
“Brooke Davis” I cut in.
“Brooke Scott was your mother”
“Foster mother” usually people emphasised the difference not forgot it, “is that going to change things?”
“Conflict of interest, yes Sam, I need you to get the okay from both sides but as long as you do it shouldn’t be a problem, it’s not going to be a problem is it?”
It would be easy to say the damage is already done, we can’t go back and step out of the situation now we’re all in it. Brooke, Lucas, Abby, Julian and me, we’re in it together now whether we like it or not.
Still I think over Sylvia’s pergunta a moment longer before answering, “No, it won’t be a problem. I’m sure Abby will be okay with it, I mean her lawyer use to encontro, data her mother if that isn’t conflict of interest what’s one measly temporary living arrangement in the scheme of things”
“Baker dated the mother!” Sylvia was shocked I could tell, then her voice calmed down “don’t even bother explaining, I don’t need to know what happens outside the court case”
“So we’re cool?”
“Get the okay”
“Will do, bye Syl”
“Bye” and I hear her mumble something else before hanging up and it sounded suspiciously like a sing songed lifestyles of the rich and the famous. I hum a little tune, mentally groaning at the thought that Good charlotte will be stuck in my head all day.
There is a knock at the door, “I’ll get it” Elena calls out before I even stand but por the time she’s opened it I’m standing right behind her anyway. charlotte Lang, the mother of Elena’s sometimes best friend (depending on the dia of the week) is standing there with Katie’s bag in her hand and a smile plastered on her face. I wouldn’t exactly say I use charlotte but most of the time Elena and Katie are inseparable so she is the natural choice for an emergency babysitter, when I have a case charlotte is so helpful, she is mais than happy to take Elle to school or look after her afterwards. As great as charlotte can be we personally are not friends, truth is I’m not even sure I like her.
She’s one of those shiny, happy people, and not in a Brooke Davis cheery way, in a freakishly nice always smiles has playgroup at her house sure borrow my sugar way, if you know what I mean. She’s like a preschool teacher twenty-four seven, down to the tone of voice she uses, I don’t know if she was like this before she became a mother but she talks to everyone she meets as if they are five ano olds. It’s just a little overwhelming and sometimes a tad condescending.
Still I am polite and smile back in the short time before Elle leaves with her, I get down to Elle and make sure her bag is placed securely on, “have a great dia sweetie” and kiss her on the cheek. Elena wipes the same cheek in an unthinking mover at the same time she places a small hand on my shoulder and pecks my lips, “bye Mom”
And then they are gone.
There’s always that slight pang when we part, small and quick in my chest it’s usually gone before I can realise it is there. I guess I always have this fear it will be the last time I see her, that when we say goodbye and walk away from each other Elena will never come back. The irony does not escape me, when I was sixteen I walked away from the woman who gave me a início and a mother all in one, a few years after that I said goodbye to her for good. There is a fear inside me that one dia I will lose Elena to the same fate.
I tell myself it is different. Elena was so young when I took her in, she never went from foster início to foster início like I did and in all respects but one I am her mother and that is all she has ever really known, as she gets older the time before us will fade from her memory. With Brooke and me our relationship had so many layers, though for a brief time we lived like mother and daughter, and I never pergunta the fact we loved each other, our relationship could easily resemble that of two sisters as well and we held a friendship that mothers and daughters rarely get the chance to have. It is hard to seriously look at someone not even ten years older than you and first think ‘my mom’ but she did become my family and that was all that mattered. The título or the blood wasn’t important. Which probably makes my decision to cut myself out of her life look a little like an overreaction, the thing is it was never meant to be so permanent, at first my intentions were to simply separate the emotional bond, to take a step back from that mother/daughter element that didn’t fit us anymore. I had a mother and though I never called Rebecca por Mom she had thrown herself into the role and tried to make up for sixteen years of not being there, at the point when Keith was born I’d spent mais time under Rebecca’s roof than Brooke’s and still Rebecca was trying so hard to live up to the woman who had come before her. I had two women struggling to keep me part of their families, making room for me in their lives and trying to be there for me as I changed from girl to woman. And change I did, sooner than later I was an adult; my life in many ways wasn’t too far away from where Brooke was at. She was just starting her own family, happily married to Lucas, being called Momma por Sawyer, becoming a real mother with Keith, and she glowed in this new life. I simply didn’t fit anymore, not as a daughter anyway.
Fifteen years later I can look back and regret how it ended, how cruel I was when I told her I didn’t need another mother, how I brutally sent her back to her real family. I still believe I did the right thing, I just went about it in the wrong way and I lost one of the best friends I ever had. I lost my over protective big sister, the girl I talked about life with, boys and clothes and make up and all the stupid things that came into my mind, the one I could call when I needed to complain or cry or just laugh. The slightly older woman who was there to lend a quick twenty or eye what I was eating but never said a word against it or my lifestyle – unless she was in one of those moods. I miss it, I miss her. Brooke was one in a million.
But it’s different, Elena and I, it is different. Still that pang is always there, still that fear hovers at the back of my mind and my own ever present past is like fuel to the nightmare of what could be.
...
Most of life is like a drive, it’s a journey from where you began to where you need to go, there are the needed twists and turns and sometimes you get lost or miss your street, you need to go back every so often because you’ve forgotten something and other times because you went the wrong way. Like a drive it’s that filler time, you sight see and wander around, take a few breaks, not really pay attention to where you are and what’s around you. I think life is a lot like a drive, I only hope that when I finally get to where I’m going it is where I want to be.
Right now I am on my way to the Scott house only this time I know exactly what I am getting into, sort of, I know who I will be facing this time if that counts. The drive there is completely straight forward, I know where I am going and everything else has just disappeared.
Nerves begin to build up inside me, I feel like I am handing my test to a teacher knowing I’ve completely bombed it because I chose to throw rocks into the river instead of staying ‘home’ and studying. The closer I get the mais nervous I feel.
When I do park in front of the house and see the two cars that are already there I am not prepared for the surge of... excitement? No, it’s not exactly that, its anticipation. It’s a thirst for what is coming next.
The nerves are gone por the time I get out of the car and start heading towards the front of the house and I am bouncing on the spot when I stop at of the red door. Now here I can’t seem to grasp what to do next, do I knock, once upon a time I would have just walked straight inside and now I am faced with this dilemma of knowing Brooke is inside this house and not knowing how to be doing the same thing. Like a stranger I settle for ringing the sino and wait anxiously for what comes next.
It is strange how I never really expected she would answer the door, my mind pictured Lucas or one of the girls so when the door opens, I swear in slow motion flicking slowly frame por frame, and I recognise first the sight of her dark hair, I become Frozen - Uma Aventura Congelante on the spot.
Her face appears, Brooke, here in front of me so close I could just reach out and touch her, and she doesn’t get it at first, as if she’s just woken up from a dream and hasn’t realised she is now awake and staring at her own room, then it hits her. I see the recognition, I see the flash of pain before it is hidden and she slips her mask over her eyes yet still her mouth is slightly parted and the shock is written on her face, and then that as well is wiped from her face.
Neither one of us can say anything so instead we just stand here looking at each other with all these years between us and then the door is once again between us and I’m staring at red paint where Brooke’s face was a segundo ago.
It had felt like minutes, perhaps even hours, in truth the whole incident was over and done within a few seconds.
The easy choice would be to turn away, to not face what I did all those years ago, I could leave and call Sylvia and tell her I cannot after all do it. It would be easy for me and I can then go back to my life, before I met Abby, before I knew about Keith, before Julian came walking through my door, for me it would be easier but there is also a girl inside that house and for her it would be that much harder. And I cannot let Abra Scott down like I did her mother.
There really is no turning back, only moving forward. Like so many times in the past I take hold of the doorknob, my fingers curling around the familiar object and push forward, and like that I am letting myself back inside this house.
“Brooke” the name falls from my lips, rolling off my tongue as if it was only yesterday that I last called after her. At the same time Abby’s voice goes “Mom” and the two words mix together, for a segundo I wasn’t even sure which one I said.
Then Abby adds on a happy “I’m ready” sounding so happy and so completely unaware of the tension around her.
My mind goes in and out of the moment as Brooke continues to look between Abby and me, and then Abby must notice me because she says “Hey, Miss Colson”
Without taking my eyes off Brooke I correct Abby “It’s Sam” just Sam, at coração I’m the same girl Brooke use to know, so though I’m talking to Abby I’m really nervously addressing Brooke and waiting for her to do or say something.
Abby in all her innocence finally seems to understand something is happening, something is off, she looks worried and suddenly unsure “do you wanna talk to me or something?”
“I was actually hoping to catch your parents but I would like to see you after school perhaps, if that is okay with them and you, maybe we could go for a walk?”
She looks to Lucas “Dad?” and he nods.
Finally coming alive Brooke stiffens, not taking the bait to involve me “you’ll have to talk to Lucas, I need to take Abby to school” and I know she is lying and trying to be strong, trying to act like I didn’t hurt her por pretending that my presence means nothing.
All I really want now though is for her to speak to me, really speak to me, to look into my eyes and not wear the mask. I never knew how much I did miss her until now. Trying again I say “I was hoping to talk to you… Brooke, please”
“Now you want to talk to me” Brooke snaps back, emotion lacing her voice and then turning away she adds on “I have to take my daughter to school” and I flinch. She is trying to hurt me like I hurt her and it works.
“We’re still going to the hospital on the way, right Mom?”
In a rush Brooke nods and grabs Abby’s hand “come on” she says, moving fast to get away from me and everything I stand for. For the first time I realize how hard it would be for Brooke to see me in the current situation, I must remind her of lose, of what it is like to amor a child and then have them suddenly gone, a pattern that has become too common in her life.
“Brooke” I call after her as she rushes por me with Abby struggling to keep up, then the girl quickly says bye to us before the two of them are gone and I feel a pang in my chest.
“Give her time. She didn’t have any warning” Lucas says and I am thankful for his words and his promise that it will get better. After all there is no one who knows Brooke better than Lucas.
...
“This isn’t awkward at all” I say dryly as the awkward silence continues as we sit at the cozinha table, Lucas blinks and finally stops staring at me. Even so we remain silent still and the awkwardness doesn’t seem to lessen.
Lucas shifts in his chair and then asks me “Would you like to go for a drive?” he’s hesitant as if the pergunta shocks even him and I’m not sure how to take it. A drive, what to go get ice cream or something? And then he adds on “there’s someone I would like you to meet”.
A chill runs down my spine.
He wants me to meet Keith. There are many reasons why this could be a bad idea, it could interfere with my decision because I am meant to solely focus on Abby and what is best for her even if it means Keith gets the short end of the straw. It will be easier making this decision if I don’t allow myself to form a bond with the boy, then again I am curious and I will no doubt have to face him eventually. I might as well just get it over with.
I lift my chin and straighten up, preparing myself for what is ahead I nod, Lucas nods back and moves his assento back as he gets up. I follow, at the door to the cozinha I turn back for one last glance and my eyes fall onto the chair I just abandoned. It was the same one I always used to sit at, my place at the table, and I can’t help but wonder who claims it now I am gone.
Though Lucas offered to give me a lift I chose instead to follow him, not only does it give me an easy getaway car but it allows me the opportunity to think por myself about what just happened and what is about to happen.
Though the hospital is barely fifteen minutos away the journey seems to take forever, my mind never stops turning and having Julian’s perfectly folded camisa sitting on the passenger assento seguinte to me doesn’t help.
My thoughts drift to the stubborn man who seems to fill most corners of my head these days, grudgingly those thoughts then mover to the events of last night and I can feel his phantom hands on my body trailing the same path as before. I have to force my eyes to remain open yet I can still picture his face above mine, his tanned skin against my own and the taste of cerveja on his lips.
What am I? Hell I am a thirty five ano old woman, mother and divorcee, and here I am atuação like a horny fifteen ano old, if I have a problem with Julian I should just face him, tell him how I feel. Then I have to face what I feel, this attraction that completely shocked me yet felt so damn right. But what kind of excuse is that, it’s the type of excuse a teenager thinks of. Arghh!
Fuck this.
“Fuck this” I say out loud just as we finally reach the hospital parking lot. Keep your mind on the business at hand, Sam.
Out of the car Lucas and I look at each other, I slam my door and mover around his car until I am por his side. He nudges his head towards the entrance and I follow, again we lapse into a silence.
I take the chance to look at Lucas, his fair hair is now silvered at the temple and a few strays break the blonde but it is still thick and full and only adds to his charm. His permanent four o’clock shadow is still there, a little darker just over his topo, início lip and in one spot on his chin, it makes him look older and slightly worn out and rough, not necessarily in a bad way. You can also tell he is married to Brooke, I have noticed that when he got with Brooke his wardrobe improved and became mais sharp yet mais casual in many ways too, he was either dressed as if he was going to work out or the complete opposite. Out came the button up shirts, mais colour was added to his usually bleak style and his hair became slightly ruffled, never too long and never too short. Must admit though I probably wouldn’t have noticed if Haley hadn’t mentioned the pattern after Brooke and Lucas got back together. I use to laugh at picture of Brooke dragging Lucas around the shops or her surprising him with a new shirt, I could just imagine her lovingly wrinkling her nose up at what he was putting on as he changed until he chose something to her liking.
“I like your jacket” I say in a tone Brooke or even Julian would know meant my words had an ulterior meaning, Lucas sends me a sideways look not sure how to take the compliment, then he looks progressivo, para a frente and respostas “thanks, Brooke gave it to me”
With a smirk I match my stride with Lucas’ but not before taking in the silver c|b logo on the back of his collar.
We don’t pass a lot of people as we make our way through the hospital halls, a few doctors and mainly nurses are the only people we cross, a lot of them nod in Lucas’ direction and there are even a few waves. He is here often enough that the majority of the hospital knows him, then again with a sick child I can imagine Brooke and Lucas donating enough money to the hospital to make their name and faces royalty to this place.
Seeing all the doctors brings me back to why I’m here and that brings them back to Abby, “when I was first assigned Abby’s case they weren’t aware I knew your family, now I’ve told the judge I need to make sure none of you have any complaints about my involvement”
“I’ll have to talk to Brooke about it but as long as Abby is okay with it I am”
“And Brooke?” I ask, Lucas sighs and doesn’t say anything. I nod, yep, that is what I thought.
A few corners and doors later Lucas stops in front of a room, “here we are” and he knocks softly before poking his head in, ‘hey, you’re still here”
“He’s asleep, Abby was hoping he would wake up before we have to go” Brooke whispers loud enough back so we can hear.
Forgetting I was even there Lucas enters the room and I let out a deep breath before following, the moment Brooke sees me she stands up, not acknowledging my presence she leaves the room with the excuse she needs a coffee.
Lucas sends me an apologetic look, “I’ll go” and follows his wife out. With a sigh I turn back towards the bed, Abby is leaning against the cama kneeling on one of the chairs, she looks at me with her big eyes and kinks a brow, and I can practically see her asking the pergunta what was that about?
Then I look away from her to stare at the boy asleep in the hospital bed. Keith is as pale as a sheet of paper, his dark locks are the same shade as his mothers, in fact other than a similar jaw line and build to Lucas the resemblance to Brooke is amazing. As if leitura my mind his eyes begin to flutter open and they are the same dark, burnished brown green Brooke looks out of.
Abby bites her bottom lip and for the first time I notice she’s been holding her brothers hand the whole time, her eyes literally light up when Keith wakes up and sends her a small smile, even though Keith’s own eyes glaze over in pain, “hey sis”
“Hey”
“What are you doing here?” it’s quiet and groggy yet Keith doesn’t falter with one single word.
I watch Abby lean down closer, “Mom brought me over before school” and she bites her bottom lip again. Immediately Keith looks around searching for his mother, his eyes kind of skip over me before coming back when he confirmed no one else was around, “this is Sam, my guardian ad litem, she gets to tell the judge what she thinks is best for me and all” Abby answered the unspoken question, then her gaze turned to me and her eyebrows lowered in thought “she’s meant to give an un bias opinion” and something in her tone makes me think she’s asking a question.
“But?” Keith asks picking up on the same thing I did.
Abby smiled again as she turns back to her brother, “but Mom does that thing every time Sam walks into a room, you know, she walks out”
Once again Keith’s are on me, I shift my feet feeling uncomfortable with his thoughtful gaze, his eyes are looking straight through me as if he can see into my soul, “ah” he drawls and the siblings share a look.
They probably think Brooke hates me, then again with the role I’m meant to play I guess it’s to be expected. I shrug “so she hates me”
Keith chuckles and it turns into a cough, Abby anxiously waits for her brother to settle down before she sinks into her chair and looks at me, “I don’t think she hates you”
“She does that, just leaves the room” Keith adds on.
While I listen I mover closer and take the assento seguinte to Abby, “she thinks we don’t know” Keith’s weak voice continues.
I take the bait, “know what?”
“That she doesn’t want us to see her cry, that’s why she walks away and Dad always follows, she’s not as strong as she pretends”
Without thinking I nod, an unconscious gesture when somebody says something you agree with, and two pairs of eyes narrow.
It’s Abby who speaks next, “Sawyer thought you looked familiar”
I nod again, there is no point keeping my association with the family a secret when I’ll have to tell Abby soon anyway. They wait and I keep my eyes on Abby when I reply “I knew her when she was little”
“You’re Mom’s Sam” Keith says but Abby still looks confused, he turns his head mais to his sister “she’s the girl in the wedding pictures”
“Mom’s other bridesmaid?” Abby asks in shock and Keith nods, something tells me this boy is very observant.
“You were friends?” Abby turns to me, I can see she’s closed herself off from me a little, taken a step back from the trust she was once so willing to give me.
Friends, I wouldn’t exactly call Brooke and I friends, so I shake my head “no, she was my foster mother. We haven’t talked in a really long time” guilt and regret enters my voice and straight away Keith’s eyes sadden in understanding. I’ve never seen someone with such expressive eyes.
“I understand if this means you would like a new ad litem, when we became aware of the connection the judge agreed to find a new one if either side opposed to my involvement” pretty much, anyway.
Abby goes to say something but Keith’s hand grips her wrist and she looks at her brother, some unspoken message is passed between them and then Keith nods, Abby returns her attention to me “I guess it’s kinda cool though Mom didn’t look happy”
“She’s mad at me. I said some really mean things a long time ago”
‘You’re sorry” Keith tells me, he doesn’t ask, he simply states the fact and then closing his eyes and sinking into his travesseiro he adds on “she’s not mad... Abs can you go get Mom and Dad?”
With a nod Abby is jumping off her chair and bouncing out of the room. The only sound left is the faraway noises of the hospital and the nearby ticking of the clock which gets louder with each second.
Soon Keith speaks again, his eyes still closed “everyone expects me to be mad, I’m not, but everyone still seems to think I should feel something else” then his eyes open and he’s once again looking straight at me, “do you think I should be mad?”
“No, no I don’t, I think you should feel however you want to feel, just like your sister” and he smiles at my response but the smile falls quickly and is replaced por a sigh.
I can’t help but ask, “How do you feel?”
“Tired, so tired” is the whispered answer I get, his head rolls to the side and the mais he is awake the mais colour seems to come to his cheeks though he is still so pale, and for the first time I don’t see the expression in his eyes or the shade which is just like his mothers instead I notice how bloodshot they are.
His soft voice is so deep, it’s not as husky as his mothers but I think it could be even mais so one day, that is if he gets the chance to grow older, for now though it’s deeper than one would assume but gentle and soft like a lullaby, “they think I don’t see it but I do, I’m barely holding on but so are they. She doesn’t sleep, you know, my Mom, and we never see her cry but she does, and my dad is always waiting for the seguinte thing, every time he looks at us it’s like it may be the last time. And Sawyer, she acts like she doesn’t care but that’s not true, she just doesn’t know how to cope with it all and never realises that everyone else has the same problem. I see it, I see it all” his eyes drift closed, his words become even quieter, I don’t catch the last of what he says as he falls back to sleep.
Abby walks back into the room and the small noise she makes catches my attention, and this time when I look at her I see something else. They are the same, Keith and Abby, he may be dying and she may be very much alive but they are the same, the connection between them is so easy to see when they are together. After twelve years they are both tired, it weighs in their eyes, Abby was just the first to lay her arms down and give in.
From behind their daughter Brooke and Lucas appear, they are disappointed when they see Keith is asleep again and it’s written all over their faces.
“I better go to school now” Abby tells us and she quickly takes hold of her mother’s hand, it looks so natural for them even though she is a twelve ano old girl. Together they walk over to Keith’s bed, Abby sends me a cautious look and I know she’s holding herself back, she hesitates por her brother and then leans progressivo, para a frente and copies the kiss Brooke place son his cheek only Abby hand goes to Keith’s chest, her fingers spread over where his coração would be. Against his cheek Abby lets out a tiny sigh and smiles, “later, bro”
I stand as they mover away from the cama and Abby doesn’t send me a segundo look before she leaves the room, Brooke on the other hand stays behind and hesitates much like Abby did moments before. My eyes stay on her and then she finally looks at me, really looks at me and the seguinte segundo I know her arms are around me, she whispers into my ear “it’s good to see you” and pulls away, she flashes me a sad smile before following after Abby.
But I got it, her approval and her welcome. As small as the mover was the meaning behind it was enormous.
Alone with a sleeping Keith and Lucas I can’t help but smile, it’s my usual confident smirk for sure, “I told you so” Lucas tells me, he doesn’t wait for my reaction, he moves towards the cama and the chair Abby had been using.
“Maybe I should go”
“You can stay if you like”
“I have a class to teach later and... I got to meet him”
Lucas is still looking at his son, “did it help?”
I tilt my head in thought and finally settle for a “it made me understand a few things” and Lucas nods at that.
When I leave the room I think he quickly forgets I was even there, as I hover por the door Lucas bows his head and his shoulders sag, like Abby his hand clings to Keith.
...
My car drives out of the hospital parking lot though my mind is still stuck in that room. As I drive away two vans catch my attention, the logo of different TV channels flash por me and are then gone. I quickly forget about them and everything else except for the decision that has to be made and all the repercussions that could come from it, either way they are going to lose.
*Sam*
This morning just doesn’t sit right with me, from the moment I woke up I was in a grump, and not the I haven’t had my coffee yet type but the I just made a fool of myself last night slash have to face people I don’t want to face slash where the hell are my favourite jeans grump.
Elena watches me slump around the room and I try to act more… chipper, I don’t know, mais like me. Not this woman, this grown woman, who can barely put one foot in front of the other, who’s brain is racing so fast I can barely speak without stumbling over the words.
I groan in frustration. Seriously, where are those jeans? And what was Julian thinking, he was the one who came to my house late at night, he was the one who put his hands all over me and then, what, just left me there? I groan again and knock the pile of clothes off the mesa, tabela “where are those jeans?”
“The ones you’re wearing Mommy?”
I turn slowly to face Elena, she sits at the mesa, tabela licking her spoon with an innocent smile, and I place a hand on my hip, my hand opens and feels the denim under them. Looking down I see the jeans that cling tightly to my thighs. I am a mess. Julian comes into my life and I become a brainless mess, standing there in my bra and jeans, with my daughter staring at me I start to laugh. It’s uncontrollable.
Elle wrinkles her tiny little nose, “What’s so funny?”
“I am” I tell her, still laughing I walk up behind her and ruffle her dark hair, grabbing the seguinte chair I flip it around and sit down, taking the brush off the mesa, tabela I start to carefully untangle her hair. Elena places her spoon down and leans back, her eyes closing, “did I ever tell you about my foster mom, hmm?” I ask her, parting her hair I brush one half into a pónei, pônei and pull a purple lackey from my wrist and tie it around.
“Nuh-uh” she respostas and is smart enough not to shake her head, as I create the segundo pónei, pônei I continue the story “her name was Brooke, she lived in a big house and had a big smile-”
“Was she nice?”
“The nicest” I confirmed and pulled Elena’s chair around to look into her eyes, I am not sure why I am telling her about Brooke. Most likely because I know I’ll have to face my former foster mother soon. “Now how about you go brush those teeth of yours” I change the subject realising I’m not really ready to talk about this. It was easy with Julian. I felt like he got me, it’s stupid. I shake my head at myself and watch Elena run off.
“Elle, slow it down”
When I get back up and reach for a camisa something catches my eye, I pull the blusa on and quickly button it up while walking around the mesa, tabela and over to the couch. There on the floor is an abandoned man’s suit shirt, and like a teenager I bring it to my nose and sniff. It smells like Julian, I cannot pinpoint exactly what the aroma is, his cologne mixed with something spicy and that earthy smell that is just his which is aleatório because Julian is the least outdoorsy person I know. How am I meant to face him again knowing he’d seen me like that and walked away? He just left! Anger boils inside me once again.
As angry as I am I still fold the camisa up and place it on the arm of the couch, smoothing its creases before walking away.
Five minutos later I am dressed ready to go and Elle is watching cartoons, at the mesa, tabela I drum my fingers against the surface while the phone is to my ear. For some reason I turn slightly when Sylvia picks up, as if having my back to Elena magically means she can’t hear me, “hi, it’s Sam”
“Why does that not sound reassuring?”
Instead of answering I sigh, loudly, am I that obvious.
“Sam, if this is about the case I can find someone else if you don’t want to be involved, I understand that it’s a very emotional one-”
“No” I’m a little loud and quickly eye Elena before lowering my voice “it’s not that I don’t want to do it, it’s just mais complicated than first thought, and maybe you won’t want me to be involved”
“Sam?”
“I know them”
“The whole world knows of them Sam, I told you it was high profile” and she chuckles a bit, usually Sylvia is quicker. Rolling my eyes I say again, “I know them”
She is silent for a while and then “how well do you know the Scott’s?” she sounds nervous and confused.
I take a deep breath, “have I ever told you about my foster mom”
“The one who took you in at fifteen and saved you from yourself, once or twice… don’t tell me she was…”
“Brooke Davis” I cut in.
“Brooke Scott was your mother”
“Foster mother” usually people emphasised the difference not forgot it, “is that going to change things?”
“Conflict of interest, yes Sam, I need you to get the okay from both sides but as long as you do it shouldn’t be a problem, it’s not going to be a problem is it?”
It would be easy to say the damage is already done, we can’t go back and step out of the situation now we’re all in it. Brooke, Lucas, Abby, Julian and me, we’re in it together now whether we like it or not.
Still I think over Sylvia’s pergunta a moment longer before answering, “No, it won’t be a problem. I’m sure Abby will be okay with it, I mean her lawyer use to encontro, data her mother if that isn’t conflict of interest what’s one measly temporary living arrangement in the scheme of things”
“Baker dated the mother!” Sylvia was shocked I could tell, then her voice calmed down “don’t even bother explaining, I don’t need to know what happens outside the court case”
“So we’re cool?”
“Get the okay”
“Will do, bye Syl”
“Bye” and I hear her mumble something else before hanging up and it sounded suspiciously like a sing songed lifestyles of the rich and the famous. I hum a little tune, mentally groaning at the thought that Good charlotte will be stuck in my head all day.
There is a knock at the door, “I’ll get it” Elena calls out before I even stand but por the time she’s opened it I’m standing right behind her anyway. charlotte Lang, the mother of Elena’s sometimes best friend (depending on the dia of the week) is standing there with Katie’s bag in her hand and a smile plastered on her face. I wouldn’t exactly say I use charlotte but most of the time Elena and Katie are inseparable so she is the natural choice for an emergency babysitter, when I have a case charlotte is so helpful, she is mais than happy to take Elle to school or look after her afterwards. As great as charlotte can be we personally are not friends, truth is I’m not even sure I like her.
She’s one of those shiny, happy people, and not in a Brooke Davis cheery way, in a freakishly nice always smiles has playgroup at her house sure borrow my sugar way, if you know what I mean. She’s like a preschool teacher twenty-four seven, down to the tone of voice she uses, I don’t know if she was like this before she became a mother but she talks to everyone she meets as if they are five ano olds. It’s just a little overwhelming and sometimes a tad condescending.
Still I am polite and smile back in the short time before Elle leaves with her, I get down to Elle and make sure her bag is placed securely on, “have a great dia sweetie” and kiss her on the cheek. Elena wipes the same cheek in an unthinking mover at the same time she places a small hand on my shoulder and pecks my lips, “bye Mom”
And then they are gone.
There’s always that slight pang when we part, small and quick in my chest it’s usually gone before I can realise it is there. I guess I always have this fear it will be the last time I see her, that when we say goodbye and walk away from each other Elena will never come back. The irony does not escape me, when I was sixteen I walked away from the woman who gave me a início and a mother all in one, a few years after that I said goodbye to her for good. There is a fear inside me that one dia I will lose Elena to the same fate.
I tell myself it is different. Elena was so young when I took her in, she never went from foster início to foster início like I did and in all respects but one I am her mother and that is all she has ever really known, as she gets older the time before us will fade from her memory. With Brooke and me our relationship had so many layers, though for a brief time we lived like mother and daughter, and I never pergunta the fact we loved each other, our relationship could easily resemble that of two sisters as well and we held a friendship that mothers and daughters rarely get the chance to have. It is hard to seriously look at someone not even ten years older than you and first think ‘my mom’ but she did become my family and that was all that mattered. The título or the blood wasn’t important. Which probably makes my decision to cut myself out of her life look a little like an overreaction, the thing is it was never meant to be so permanent, at first my intentions were to simply separate the emotional bond, to take a step back from that mother/daughter element that didn’t fit us anymore. I had a mother and though I never called Rebecca por Mom she had thrown herself into the role and tried to make up for sixteen years of not being there, at the point when Keith was born I’d spent mais time under Rebecca’s roof than Brooke’s and still Rebecca was trying so hard to live up to the woman who had come before her. I had two women struggling to keep me part of their families, making room for me in their lives and trying to be there for me as I changed from girl to woman. And change I did, sooner than later I was an adult; my life in many ways wasn’t too far away from where Brooke was at. She was just starting her own family, happily married to Lucas, being called Momma por Sawyer, becoming a real mother with Keith, and she glowed in this new life. I simply didn’t fit anymore, not as a daughter anyway.
Fifteen years later I can look back and regret how it ended, how cruel I was when I told her I didn’t need another mother, how I brutally sent her back to her real family. I still believe I did the right thing, I just went about it in the wrong way and I lost one of the best friends I ever had. I lost my over protective big sister, the girl I talked about life with, boys and clothes and make up and all the stupid things that came into my mind, the one I could call when I needed to complain or cry or just laugh. The slightly older woman who was there to lend a quick twenty or eye what I was eating but never said a word against it or my lifestyle – unless she was in one of those moods. I miss it, I miss her. Brooke was one in a million.
But it’s different, Elena and I, it is different. Still that pang is always there, still that fear hovers at the back of my mind and my own ever present past is like fuel to the nightmare of what could be.
...
Most of life is like a drive, it’s a journey from where you began to where you need to go, there are the needed twists and turns and sometimes you get lost or miss your street, you need to go back every so often because you’ve forgotten something and other times because you went the wrong way. Like a drive it’s that filler time, you sight see and wander around, take a few breaks, not really pay attention to where you are and what’s around you. I think life is a lot like a drive, I only hope that when I finally get to where I’m going it is where I want to be.
Right now I am on my way to the Scott house only this time I know exactly what I am getting into, sort of, I know who I will be facing this time if that counts. The drive there is completely straight forward, I know where I am going and everything else has just disappeared.
Nerves begin to build up inside me, I feel like I am handing my test to a teacher knowing I’ve completely bombed it because I chose to throw rocks into the river instead of staying ‘home’ and studying. The closer I get the mais nervous I feel.
When I do park in front of the house and see the two cars that are already there I am not prepared for the surge of... excitement? No, it’s not exactly that, its anticipation. It’s a thirst for what is coming next.
The nerves are gone por the time I get out of the car and start heading towards the front of the house and I am bouncing on the spot when I stop at of the red door. Now here I can’t seem to grasp what to do next, do I knock, once upon a time I would have just walked straight inside and now I am faced with this dilemma of knowing Brooke is inside this house and not knowing how to be doing the same thing. Like a stranger I settle for ringing the sino and wait anxiously for what comes next.
It is strange how I never really expected she would answer the door, my mind pictured Lucas or one of the girls so when the door opens, I swear in slow motion flicking slowly frame por frame, and I recognise first the sight of her dark hair, I become Frozen - Uma Aventura Congelante on the spot.
Her face appears, Brooke, here in front of me so close I could just reach out and touch her, and she doesn’t get it at first, as if she’s just woken up from a dream and hasn’t realised she is now awake and staring at her own room, then it hits her. I see the recognition, I see the flash of pain before it is hidden and she slips her mask over her eyes yet still her mouth is slightly parted and the shock is written on her face, and then that as well is wiped from her face.
Neither one of us can say anything so instead we just stand here looking at each other with all these years between us and then the door is once again between us and I’m staring at red paint where Brooke’s face was a segundo ago.
It had felt like minutes, perhaps even hours, in truth the whole incident was over and done within a few seconds.
The easy choice would be to turn away, to not face what I did all those years ago, I could leave and call Sylvia and tell her I cannot after all do it. It would be easy for me and I can then go back to my life, before I met Abby, before I knew about Keith, before Julian came walking through my door, for me it would be easier but there is also a girl inside that house and for her it would be that much harder. And I cannot let Abra Scott down like I did her mother.
There really is no turning back, only moving forward. Like so many times in the past I take hold of the doorknob, my fingers curling around the familiar object and push forward, and like that I am letting myself back inside this house.
“Brooke” the name falls from my lips, rolling off my tongue as if it was only yesterday that I last called after her. At the same time Abby’s voice goes “Mom” and the two words mix together, for a segundo I wasn’t even sure which one I said.
Then Abby adds on a happy “I’m ready” sounding so happy and so completely unaware of the tension around her.
My mind goes in and out of the moment as Brooke continues to look between Abby and me, and then Abby must notice me because she says “Hey, Miss Colson”
Without taking my eyes off Brooke I correct Abby “It’s Sam” just Sam, at coração I’m the same girl Brooke use to know, so though I’m talking to Abby I’m really nervously addressing Brooke and waiting for her to do or say something.
Abby in all her innocence finally seems to understand something is happening, something is off, she looks worried and suddenly unsure “do you wanna talk to me or something?”
“I was actually hoping to catch your parents but I would like to see you after school perhaps, if that is okay with them and you, maybe we could go for a walk?”
She looks to Lucas “Dad?” and he nods.
Finally coming alive Brooke stiffens, not taking the bait to involve me “you’ll have to talk to Lucas, I need to take Abby to school” and I know she is lying and trying to be strong, trying to act like I didn’t hurt her por pretending that my presence means nothing.
All I really want now though is for her to speak to me, really speak to me, to look into my eyes and not wear the mask. I never knew how much I did miss her until now. Trying again I say “I was hoping to talk to you… Brooke, please”
“Now you want to talk to me” Brooke snaps back, emotion lacing her voice and then turning away she adds on “I have to take my daughter to school” and I flinch. She is trying to hurt me like I hurt her and it works.
“We’re still going to the hospital on the way, right Mom?”
In a rush Brooke nods and grabs Abby’s hand “come on” she says, moving fast to get away from me and everything I stand for. For the first time I realize how hard it would be for Brooke to see me in the current situation, I must remind her of lose, of what it is like to amor a child and then have them suddenly gone, a pattern that has become too common in her life.
“Brooke” I call after her as she rushes por me with Abby struggling to keep up, then the girl quickly says bye to us before the two of them are gone and I feel a pang in my chest.
“Give her time. She didn’t have any warning” Lucas says and I am thankful for his words and his promise that it will get better. After all there is no one who knows Brooke better than Lucas.
...
“This isn’t awkward at all” I say dryly as the awkward silence continues as we sit at the cozinha table, Lucas blinks and finally stops staring at me. Even so we remain silent still and the awkwardness doesn’t seem to lessen.
Lucas shifts in his chair and then asks me “Would you like to go for a drive?” he’s hesitant as if the pergunta shocks even him and I’m not sure how to take it. A drive, what to go get ice cream or something? And then he adds on “there’s someone I would like you to meet”.
A chill runs down my spine.
He wants me to meet Keith. There are many reasons why this could be a bad idea, it could interfere with my decision because I am meant to solely focus on Abby and what is best for her even if it means Keith gets the short end of the straw. It will be easier making this decision if I don’t allow myself to form a bond with the boy, then again I am curious and I will no doubt have to face him eventually. I might as well just get it over with.
I lift my chin and straighten up, preparing myself for what is ahead I nod, Lucas nods back and moves his assento back as he gets up. I follow, at the door to the cozinha I turn back for one last glance and my eyes fall onto the chair I just abandoned. It was the same one I always used to sit at, my place at the table, and I can’t help but wonder who claims it now I am gone.
Though Lucas offered to give me a lift I chose instead to follow him, not only does it give me an easy getaway car but it allows me the opportunity to think por myself about what just happened and what is about to happen.
Though the hospital is barely fifteen minutos away the journey seems to take forever, my mind never stops turning and having Julian’s perfectly folded camisa sitting on the passenger assento seguinte to me doesn’t help.
My thoughts drift to the stubborn man who seems to fill most corners of my head these days, grudgingly those thoughts then mover to the events of last night and I can feel his phantom hands on my body trailing the same path as before. I have to force my eyes to remain open yet I can still picture his face above mine, his tanned skin against my own and the taste of cerveja on his lips.
What am I? Hell I am a thirty five ano old woman, mother and divorcee, and here I am atuação like a horny fifteen ano old, if I have a problem with Julian I should just face him, tell him how I feel. Then I have to face what I feel, this attraction that completely shocked me yet felt so damn right. But what kind of excuse is that, it’s the type of excuse a teenager thinks of. Arghh!
Fuck this.
“Fuck this” I say out loud just as we finally reach the hospital parking lot. Keep your mind on the business at hand, Sam.
Out of the car Lucas and I look at each other, I slam my door and mover around his car until I am por his side. He nudges his head towards the entrance and I follow, again we lapse into a silence.
I take the chance to look at Lucas, his fair hair is now silvered at the temple and a few strays break the blonde but it is still thick and full and only adds to his charm. His permanent four o’clock shadow is still there, a little darker just over his topo, início lip and in one spot on his chin, it makes him look older and slightly worn out and rough, not necessarily in a bad way. You can also tell he is married to Brooke, I have noticed that when he got with Brooke his wardrobe improved and became mais sharp yet mais casual in many ways too, he was either dressed as if he was going to work out or the complete opposite. Out came the button up shirts, mais colour was added to his usually bleak style and his hair became slightly ruffled, never too long and never too short. Must admit though I probably wouldn’t have noticed if Haley hadn’t mentioned the pattern after Brooke and Lucas got back together. I use to laugh at picture of Brooke dragging Lucas around the shops or her surprising him with a new shirt, I could just imagine her lovingly wrinkling her nose up at what he was putting on as he changed until he chose something to her liking.
“I like your jacket” I say in a tone Brooke or even Julian would know meant my words had an ulterior meaning, Lucas sends me a sideways look not sure how to take the compliment, then he looks progressivo, para a frente and respostas “thanks, Brooke gave it to me”
With a smirk I match my stride with Lucas’ but not before taking in the silver c|b logo on the back of his collar.
We don’t pass a lot of people as we make our way through the hospital halls, a few doctors and mainly nurses are the only people we cross, a lot of them nod in Lucas’ direction and there are even a few waves. He is here often enough that the majority of the hospital knows him, then again with a sick child I can imagine Brooke and Lucas donating enough money to the hospital to make their name and faces royalty to this place.
Seeing all the doctors brings me back to why I’m here and that brings them back to Abby, “when I was first assigned Abby’s case they weren’t aware I knew your family, now I’ve told the judge I need to make sure none of you have any complaints about my involvement”
“I’ll have to talk to Brooke about it but as long as Abby is okay with it I am”
“And Brooke?” I ask, Lucas sighs and doesn’t say anything. I nod, yep, that is what I thought.
A few corners and doors later Lucas stops in front of a room, “here we are” and he knocks softly before poking his head in, ‘hey, you’re still here”
“He’s asleep, Abby was hoping he would wake up before we have to go” Brooke whispers loud enough back so we can hear.
Forgetting I was even there Lucas enters the room and I let out a deep breath before following, the moment Brooke sees me she stands up, not acknowledging my presence she leaves the room with the excuse she needs a coffee.
Lucas sends me an apologetic look, “I’ll go” and follows his wife out. With a sigh I turn back towards the bed, Abby is leaning against the cama kneeling on one of the chairs, she looks at me with her big eyes and kinks a brow, and I can practically see her asking the pergunta what was that about?
Then I look away from her to stare at the boy asleep in the hospital bed. Keith is as pale as a sheet of paper, his dark locks are the same shade as his mothers, in fact other than a similar jaw line and build to Lucas the resemblance to Brooke is amazing. As if leitura my mind his eyes begin to flutter open and they are the same dark, burnished brown green Brooke looks out of.
Abby bites her bottom lip and for the first time I notice she’s been holding her brothers hand the whole time, her eyes literally light up when Keith wakes up and sends her a small smile, even though Keith’s own eyes glaze over in pain, “hey sis”
“Hey”
“What are you doing here?” it’s quiet and groggy yet Keith doesn’t falter with one single word.
I watch Abby lean down closer, “Mom brought me over before school” and she bites her bottom lip again. Immediately Keith looks around searching for his mother, his eyes kind of skip over me before coming back when he confirmed no one else was around, “this is Sam, my guardian ad litem, she gets to tell the judge what she thinks is best for me and all” Abby answered the unspoken question, then her gaze turned to me and her eyebrows lowered in thought “she’s meant to give an un bias opinion” and something in her tone makes me think she’s asking a question.
“But?” Keith asks picking up on the same thing I did.
Abby smiled again as she turns back to her brother, “but Mom does that thing every time Sam walks into a room, you know, she walks out”
Once again Keith’s are on me, I shift my feet feeling uncomfortable with his thoughtful gaze, his eyes are looking straight through me as if he can see into my soul, “ah” he drawls and the siblings share a look.
They probably think Brooke hates me, then again with the role I’m meant to play I guess it’s to be expected. I shrug “so she hates me”
Keith chuckles and it turns into a cough, Abby anxiously waits for her brother to settle down before she sinks into her chair and looks at me, “I don’t think she hates you”
“She does that, just leaves the room” Keith adds on.
While I listen I mover closer and take the assento seguinte to Abby, “she thinks we don’t know” Keith’s weak voice continues.
I take the bait, “know what?”
“That she doesn’t want us to see her cry, that’s why she walks away and Dad always follows, she’s not as strong as she pretends”
Without thinking I nod, an unconscious gesture when somebody says something you agree with, and two pairs of eyes narrow.
It’s Abby who speaks next, “Sawyer thought you looked familiar”
I nod again, there is no point keeping my association with the family a secret when I’ll have to tell Abby soon anyway. They wait and I keep my eyes on Abby when I reply “I knew her when she was little”
“You’re Mom’s Sam” Keith says but Abby still looks confused, he turns his head mais to his sister “she’s the girl in the wedding pictures”
“Mom’s other bridesmaid?” Abby asks in shock and Keith nods, something tells me this boy is very observant.
“You were friends?” Abby turns to me, I can see she’s closed herself off from me a little, taken a step back from the trust she was once so willing to give me.
Friends, I wouldn’t exactly call Brooke and I friends, so I shake my head “no, she was my foster mother. We haven’t talked in a really long time” guilt and regret enters my voice and straight away Keith’s eyes sadden in understanding. I’ve never seen someone with such expressive eyes.
“I understand if this means you would like a new ad litem, when we became aware of the connection the judge agreed to find a new one if either side opposed to my involvement” pretty much, anyway.
Abby goes to say something but Keith’s hand grips her wrist and she looks at her brother, some unspoken message is passed between them and then Keith nods, Abby returns her attention to me “I guess it’s kinda cool though Mom didn’t look happy”
“She’s mad at me. I said some really mean things a long time ago”
‘You’re sorry” Keith tells me, he doesn’t ask, he simply states the fact and then closing his eyes and sinking into his travesseiro he adds on “she’s not mad... Abs can you go get Mom and Dad?”
With a nod Abby is jumping off her chair and bouncing out of the room. The only sound left is the faraway noises of the hospital and the nearby ticking of the clock which gets louder with each second.
Soon Keith speaks again, his eyes still closed “everyone expects me to be mad, I’m not, but everyone still seems to think I should feel something else” then his eyes open and he’s once again looking straight at me, “do you think I should be mad?”
“No, no I don’t, I think you should feel however you want to feel, just like your sister” and he smiles at my response but the smile falls quickly and is replaced por a sigh.
I can’t help but ask, “How do you feel?”
“Tired, so tired” is the whispered answer I get, his head rolls to the side and the mais he is awake the mais colour seems to come to his cheeks though he is still so pale, and for the first time I don’t see the expression in his eyes or the shade which is just like his mothers instead I notice how bloodshot they are.
His soft voice is so deep, it’s not as husky as his mothers but I think it could be even mais so one day, that is if he gets the chance to grow older, for now though it’s deeper than one would assume but gentle and soft like a lullaby, “they think I don’t see it but I do, I’m barely holding on but so are they. She doesn’t sleep, you know, my Mom, and we never see her cry but she does, and my dad is always waiting for the seguinte thing, every time he looks at us it’s like it may be the last time. And Sawyer, she acts like she doesn’t care but that’s not true, she just doesn’t know how to cope with it all and never realises that everyone else has the same problem. I see it, I see it all” his eyes drift closed, his words become even quieter, I don’t catch the last of what he says as he falls back to sleep.
Abby walks back into the room and the small noise she makes catches my attention, and this time when I look at her I see something else. They are the same, Keith and Abby, he may be dying and she may be very much alive but they are the same, the connection between them is so easy to see when they are together. After twelve years they are both tired, it weighs in their eyes, Abby was just the first to lay her arms down and give in.
From behind their daughter Brooke and Lucas appear, they are disappointed when they see Keith is asleep again and it’s written all over their faces.
“I better go to school now” Abby tells us and she quickly takes hold of her mother’s hand, it looks so natural for them even though she is a twelve ano old girl. Together they walk over to Keith’s bed, Abby sends me a cautious look and I know she’s holding herself back, she hesitates por her brother and then leans progressivo, para a frente and copies the kiss Brooke place son his cheek only Abby hand goes to Keith’s chest, her fingers spread over where his coração would be. Against his cheek Abby lets out a tiny sigh and smiles, “later, bro”
I stand as they mover away from the cama and Abby doesn’t send me a segundo look before she leaves the room, Brooke on the other hand stays behind and hesitates much like Abby did moments before. My eyes stay on her and then she finally looks at me, really looks at me and the seguinte segundo I know her arms are around me, she whispers into my ear “it’s good to see you” and pulls away, she flashes me a sad smile before following after Abby.
But I got it, her approval and her welcome. As small as the mover was the meaning behind it was enormous.
Alone with a sleeping Keith and Lucas I can’t help but smile, it’s my usual confident smirk for sure, “I told you so” Lucas tells me, he doesn’t wait for my reaction, he moves towards the cama and the chair Abby had been using.
“Maybe I should go”
“You can stay if you like”
“I have a class to teach later and... I got to meet him”
Lucas is still looking at his son, “did it help?”
I tilt my head in thought and finally settle for a “it made me understand a few things” and Lucas nods at that.
When I leave the room I think he quickly forgets I was even there, as I hover por the door Lucas bows his head and his shoulders sag, like Abby his hand clings to Keith.
...
My car drives out of the hospital parking lot though my mind is still stuck in that room. As I drive away two vans catch my attention, the logo of different TV channels flash por me and are then gone. I quickly forget about them and everything else except for the decision that has to be made and all the repercussions that could come from it, either way they are going to lose.
