Amy Winehouse's estranged husband Blake Fielder-Civil has apparently reached the point in his long climb up the 12 steps where he's making a list of the people he's harmed. At the topo, início of that fearless moral inventory: His self-admitted mess of a missus, whom he says he turned into a drug-ravaged disaster zone.
"I dragged Amy into it and without me there is no doubt that she would never have gone down that road. I ruined something beautiful," the currently rehabbing jailbird tearfully but indiscreetly tells Britain's News of the World (listen to audio of the interview here). "Now I have to let her go to save her life. I am not abandoning her. I am doing this out of love."
No official steps have reportedly been taken to end their 18-month marriage, although Winehouse, 25, who remains hospitalized for a reaction to "medication" and has not seen her husband since he was released from his nearly yearlong stint in the pokey earlier this month, was quoted as saying last week, "It's over."
Blake, showing off his firm grasp of the obvious, breaks down why he believes he's to blame for Amy's substance abuse and her self-harming issues.
Blake Fielder-Civil arrives at the High Court in Londres on Nov. 24. (©AP)
"Crack is the nastiest drug. It makes you paranoid, unreasonable, edgy and totally suspicious of everyone," he explains to the tabloid. "And you can get hooked on it straight away. But I was weak and an addict and I let Amy take some. I didn't stop it from happening. For that I take full responsibility. It became something we did as well as heroin. And then our lives fell apart."
Fielder-Civil says he dealt with their depressingly dysfunctional circumstances por slicing his arms, which prompted Winehouse to follow his bloodstained lead.
"Amy got really upset about seeing me bleeding. And because she's loyal and [bleeped] up over our amor -- like Romeo and Juliet -- she cut her arms too," he recalls. "I had to get her stitched up."
Blake claims his guilt and concern are behind his decision to leave.
"Now the most dignified thing I can ever do in my life is to release somebody I amor from my [bleeping] grasp, from my clutches," he insists. "When I see pictures of Amy and the state she's in, it tears my coração out. I just want to pick her up and help her."
But, he sighs, "I can't -- because I'm the man who caused it all. It scares me to death that I can't fix Amy. But for her recovery, I have to leave her alone. I will never stop wanting Amy and loving her and craving her. mais than anything I am addicted to Amy. I will do anything for her -- and that includes walking away."
Blake then adds dramatically, "If something bad happened to Amy now I would kill myself without a question."
And despite his limited career prospects (he previously worked as a música video assistant), he nixes rumors that he's seeking to exit the union with a chunk of Amy's fortune.
"I'm not interested in her money. I always offered to do a prenuptial agreement before we got married," states Fielder-Civil. "And if Amy wants a divorce I'm not going to fight her for anything. It's going to be the saddest dia of my life. But it doesn't matter if I turn up in the divorce court homeless and with no shoes on, I'm not taking a single penny off her."
He claims he's now living drug-free, a clear-minded state that has only increased his guilt.
"I don't deserve to be the one in rehab. Amy does. Amy deserves to be in here, getting clean, getting ready for a fresh start in life," he says (his moneybags spouse is said to be footing the bill for his treatment), before noting that they need to keep their distance. "I accept that there is every horrible, horrible chance that I could be tempted to take drugs again if I went back to Amy. I'm distraught and can't stop crying. I can't believe that because of drugs I'm going to lose my soul mate."
Fielder-Civil says his dream is one dia to settle into domestic bliss with Amy in a "nice house with our two kids," but "because of drugs, we can't have a normal life together," he concedes. "That's why I have to let her go."
"I dragged Amy into it and without me there is no doubt that she would never have gone down that road. I ruined something beautiful," the currently rehabbing jailbird tearfully but indiscreetly tells Britain's News of the World (listen to audio of the interview here). "Now I have to let her go to save her life. I am not abandoning her. I am doing this out of love."
No official steps have reportedly been taken to end their 18-month marriage, although Winehouse, 25, who remains hospitalized for a reaction to "medication" and has not seen her husband since he was released from his nearly yearlong stint in the pokey earlier this month, was quoted as saying last week, "It's over."
Blake, showing off his firm grasp of the obvious, breaks down why he believes he's to blame for Amy's substance abuse and her self-harming issues.
Blake Fielder-Civil arrives at the High Court in Londres on Nov. 24. (©AP)
"Crack is the nastiest drug. It makes you paranoid, unreasonable, edgy and totally suspicious of everyone," he explains to the tabloid. "And you can get hooked on it straight away. But I was weak and an addict and I let Amy take some. I didn't stop it from happening. For that I take full responsibility. It became something we did as well as heroin. And then our lives fell apart."
Fielder-Civil says he dealt with their depressingly dysfunctional circumstances por slicing his arms, which prompted Winehouse to follow his bloodstained lead.
"Amy got really upset about seeing me bleeding. And because she's loyal and [bleeped] up over our amor -- like Romeo and Juliet -- she cut her arms too," he recalls. "I had to get her stitched up."
Blake claims his guilt and concern are behind his decision to leave.
"Now the most dignified thing I can ever do in my life is to release somebody I amor from my [bleeping] grasp, from my clutches," he insists. "When I see pictures of Amy and the state she's in, it tears my coração out. I just want to pick her up and help her."
But, he sighs, "I can't -- because I'm the man who caused it all. It scares me to death that I can't fix Amy. But for her recovery, I have to leave her alone. I will never stop wanting Amy and loving her and craving her. mais than anything I am addicted to Amy. I will do anything for her -- and that includes walking away."
Blake then adds dramatically, "If something bad happened to Amy now I would kill myself without a question."
And despite his limited career prospects (he previously worked as a música video assistant), he nixes rumors that he's seeking to exit the union with a chunk of Amy's fortune.
"I'm not interested in her money. I always offered to do a prenuptial agreement before we got married," states Fielder-Civil. "And if Amy wants a divorce I'm not going to fight her for anything. It's going to be the saddest dia of my life. But it doesn't matter if I turn up in the divorce court homeless and with no shoes on, I'm not taking a single penny off her."
He claims he's now living drug-free, a clear-minded state that has only increased his guilt.
"I don't deserve to be the one in rehab. Amy does. Amy deserves to be in here, getting clean, getting ready for a fresh start in life," he says (his moneybags spouse is said to be footing the bill for his treatment), before noting that they need to keep their distance. "I accept that there is every horrible, horrible chance that I could be tempted to take drugs again if I went back to Amy. I'm distraught and can't stop crying. I can't believe that because of drugs I'm going to lose my soul mate."
Fielder-Civil says his dream is one dia to settle into domestic bliss with Amy in a "nice house with our two kids," but "because of drugs, we can't have a normal life together," he concedes. "That's why I have to let her go."